He pauses. “Okay.”
“Make me come while you’re inside me? It doesn’t usually happen that way for me but…I feel like it could.”
A burst of pride hits his chest like a lightning bolt.
“You still need to use your fingers, though. You know that, right?”
Josh stops again. “Yes, Ari. I have done this before.” He imagines that she’s biting back a smile. Then he nudges her over onto her back. “Is this okay? I really want to look at you.”
She hesitates for a moment and then nods.
It’s like he has a mission now. For years, Josh’s accomplishments relied on his belief that his hands could do anything. Even though the last year had put an enormous dent in that conviction, at this moment, he’s never been more confident in his sense of touch.
Actually, he hasn’t felt this good in months. Maybe he just needed to be given a task—specifically, the best task in the entire fucking world—which is making Ari whimper and arch her back off his mattress.
Unvetted words start tumbling out of his mouth again. “I feel like I’ve been waiting eight fucking years for this. I want this, Ari.” With his other hand, he traces a finger behind her left ear and down her neck. She shivers. It’s the tiniest involuntary response, but the serotonin shot from that one little movement could power his workouts for the next few weeks.Fuck. “I want this.”
The condoms…where? His brain isn’t working. His hand gropes across the bedside table, where he’d optimistically placed them a few days after moving in; they hadn’t been touched since.
Ari grabs the foil packet before he can even fumble with it. Because she’s fucking perfect.
The judgmental voice somewhere in his subconscious mocks Josh for these erection-driven thoughts but he can barely make it out over the sound of Ari’s heavy breaths. He’s going to turn them into moans in about ten seconds.
His first instinct is to fuck her into his mattress immediately, but she might not want to be caged in.
His brain rotates the Rubik’s Cube again. He slides over to sit on the edge of the bed.
“Come here.” He pats his thigh. “Like this.”
He’s dangerously hard—one slide of skin against skin with the right angle and friction could be his undoing. Ari climbing on top of him seems to render all his usual calming tactics completely ineffective.
She straddles him, sitting up on her knees, granting her a clear line of sight to the door and providing him with the best possible view of her nipple piercings, already pointing at him in the cold air. He runs his mouth along the gentle curves of the undersides of her breasts while she watches from her slightly elevated position, digging her nails into his back. She’s claimed to be dissatisfied with their size; making her feel otherwise could be his new mission in life.
When she’s had enough of the teasing, Ari tears into the foil package. He looks down at her hand stroking along the length of his cock a few times before unrolling the condom.
She stills for a moment, searching his face. “Point of no return?”
Her voice has an edge of uncertainty, but his doesn’t: “Good.”
Josh puts his hands on her waist, supporting her as she slowly eases herself down. It’s not like she needs the assistance, but there’s something about them doing this together—as partners—that excites him.
“Breathe,” he says, not breathing. She exhales unsteadily until she sinks all the way down, pressing her fingers into his shoulders. “Good. So good, Ari.”
His vocabulary has shrunk considerably over the last hour.
They stay like that for a few seconds, adjusting to a new center of gravity.
“Don’t move yet,” she murmurs.
Resisting every urge to do just that, he watches as she drags her knees forward, bringing their bodies closer, letting him nudge half an inch deeper. Running her hand up to the back of his head, she pulls on his hair to tilt his chin up.
Ari sucks along the side of his neck, up to his earlobe and whatever she’s doing with her tongue is making it really fucking difficult to remain still. The pleasure centers in his brain that have been dormant for too long light up in neon.
She leans back, placing her palm against his cheek. It’s like she sees everything—the self-loathing, the judgmental tendencies, the mistakes that haunt him at night. The face that’s made him self-conscious his entire life. And she wants him.
He can feel how much she wants him.
Fuck.
