“Pizza it is,” I said and sat next to him. I tossed my arm around his shoulders and pulled him in. “If my Danny wants pizza, he’s getting fucking pizza. I will move mountains to make it happen.”
His eyes flared for a moment, and he looked away. “I was hoping our discussion yesterday had been a bizarre dream.”
I released him, instead arranging his legs over my lap and touching him the way I’d always had, the way Icravedto. “I meant everything I said.”
“I know you keep telling me not to put labels on everything but stand in my socks for a moment. All this time I’ve suffered the realization I can’t have you. Now you’re telling me you might be bisexual, that… I might have a chance. That’s a mindfuck for me, Jere.”
I ground my molars, hating I’d caused him suffering. “If you want labels, then I’ll admit to being Danny-sexual.”
He sputtered a laugh and covered his face with his arm. I liked making him laugh and smile like sunshine. If I could make him forget for one moment about what had happened to him, it was all worth it. Reaching out a shaky hand, he touched my bicep softly. His gaze tracked his fingers along my skin, his eyes flaring again for a moment as he squeezed my developed muscle.
“I want to be whatever you need me to be, Danny. A friend. A lover. As long as I’m with you, I’ll be happy.”
He furrowed his brows. “I don’t understand how that is possible. If I do what I know I should and not get tangled up in this, are you seriously going to be fine with me seeing someone? Kissing them? More?”
His words slithered in my brain, upsetting the center of where my emotions burrowed. I hadn’t thought about someone else getting to be with him and touching him in ways only I should be able to. It didn’t feel right. We’d always been together, and I couldn’t imagine a future without the two of us.
“I can see that likelihood pisses you off,” he said, slightly happy about my possessiveness “I like that you’re jealous, but you’ve always been protective of me. I just didn’t realize how deep it goes.”
“No,” I said honestly, squeezing his calf. “I wouldn’t be fine. But I’d respect your decision.”
He winced and took his hand away from my arm, tucking it against his body. “We have an important decision to make. A big part of me wants to give in and let you explore this attraction for me. But if we do and things go south… We could destroy our friendship. I don’t want that to happen.”
I wracked my brain to something smart to say. “Being around you, touching you, and caring for you feelsright. I want to do the things that feel right, Danny.”
He closed his eyes for a long moment as if he’d liked what I’d said.
I barreled on, not wanting to stop this train of honesty. “Having sex with you seems like a natural thing to do.”
“That word on your lips,” he said with a shudder, then looked at me. “Are you willing to lose our friendship over it?”
“I don’t feel like it’s an either-or kinda thing. Don’t friends make the best lovers?” I countered.
His lips twitched into a smile. After a moment, he said, “We could give it a shot and see where it goes. We don’t have to force it. If things feel right…then… We do it. If they feel wrong, we stop, and hope things don’t get awkward between us.”
“I am the king of awkwardness, the lord of making uncomfortable situations even more uncomfortable, and the prince of saying the wrong thing. I would think you were used to it by now,” I said, running my hand along the sides of his shin bone.
A bright smile split his face and he rolled his head against the arm of the couch. “You are something else.”
An easy peace settled around us as if something had been decided after much fuss and aggravation, birdsong drifting through an open window.
I patted his leg and said, “We do what feels right.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Danny
“You’re doing great, Danny. We’re almost there,” Jere said as he steadied me by the crook of my elbow. “Think of the delicious sandwiches waiting for you.”
I was sweaty and sticky, exhausted and on cloud nine as I walked the three blocks from my mother’s house to the cafe. It was the most exercise I’d gotten in months. Even before the assault, I wasn’t a big fitness freak, preferring to take long walks along Lake Michigan rather than knock out endless miles on the treadmill. But these few blocks had knocked me on my ass and reminded me how out of shape I was.
“I’m not sure…there are many sandwiches…more yummy than yours.”
My lungs were achy from labored breathing, and my leg muscles were burning, but it felt absolutely great to get the blood pumping. Even the faint pounding in my brain couldn’t dampen the moment. The progress to the cafe was slow, but Jere was with me every step of the way, coaching me, unbothered by the snail’s pace.
Ronnie was sitting at one of the outside tables, tears in her eyes as she shouted encouragement to me. I could see she wanted to run and greet me, but she understood I needed to do this. Tackling a three-block walk might not sound like an accomplishment to most, but for someone who had survived a serious assault and was working through the complications of a traumatic brain injury, it was everything.
My cheeks hurt as I smiled at my Chucks against the pavement, glad my legs were holding me up. I leaned against Jere as we waited for traffic to clear before we could cross the street, knowing he wouldn’t let me fall. My balance was getting good, to the point where I was certain I’d no longer need a walker, at least, and I’d focused on the balance techniques Alex had shown me.
