“Another time,” he said sternly. “Your health comes first.”
Well, damn if his protectiveness wasn’t sexy and sweet. I wanted to argue, but honestly, I was both mentally and physically exhausted. And the headache was starting to pound, making my vision blur in beats. I laid down in bed, fully clothed and expected him to crawl in next to me. It had become routine for us, but he turned and left my bedroom. He returned with some meds and a glass of water then sat on the edge of the bed.
I knew I shouldn’t, but asked, “Will you lay with me until I fall asleep?”
He grinned in the way that was only meant for me, one side of his lips pulling up into a knowing smirk and he slipped in next to me. My tangle of thoughts was shelved as he held me.
But what if I was more?His words followed me into my sleep—What if he had always beenmore, we just hadn’t realized it?
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Jere
Bi-curious—What did that even mean, anyhow?
If Danny had been a woman, I would still be into him. Nothing would have changed on account of what was between his legs. I liked the way a dick looked as much as I liked the way a pussy looked but my feelings for him went beyond sex.
I thought about all my past sexual experiences, which could be narrowed down to exactly three real girlfriends that included seeing each other several times a week that didn’t always end in sex and doing normal people things like going out for dinner or seeing a movie. I liked hanging out with them and though it was often hard to connect with my girlfriends on a deeper level, I had no regrets about being with them. My relationships had all ended the same—with kind eyes, a sweet kiss on my cheek and a variation of the words—You’re a good guy, Jere and I hope you find the girl meant for you, but I’m not her.
To delve deeper into my sexuality, I could recall one time I’d been semi-interested in a man. I’d been on a date with one of my girlfriends who had decided she’d wanted to go bar hopping around Springfield to celebrate with her sister who had landed a dream job. While the two got tipsy and laughed and gossiped about all the perks of the new job, I’d gotten distracted by a couple in the corner. It was clear they were a bit sloshed and thought it was a good idea to get frisky in public. What had caught my attention was the man—who had very much reminded me of Danny with his swimmer’s build and Princeton haircut—and his current fascination with the woman’s neck. The way his plump, beer-damp lips kissed and sucked at her skin and his pearly whites scraped across her collarbone. Deep in my temporal lobe, something unfurled there, like the lazy morning stretch after a good night’s rest. I’d liked the way he looked roaming her neck, how his jaw moved, and his lips curled into a smile and when she swallowed his tongue down, I’d wondered what it might be like to kisshimwith rough stubble.
At the time, I’d chalked it up to missing Danny, but now I wasn’t convinced. So if Danny wanted to put labels on everything, then I’d happily slap a bi-curious sticker on my shirt. Danny’s words had lingered in my mind all day. I hadn’t been aware I was upsetting him with my constant coddling and insatiable need to help him. Touching him was pure instinct. I liked touching him, and liked the way he felt but I hadn’t realized it bothered him. He hadn’t seemed annoyed by it when we were kids. I’m sure it was something we’d talk about more when he was feeling up to it. For now, I pushed the discussion to the back of my mind.
I bit my thumbnail as I set out the past-due bills I’d swiped from his desk. Student loans were sending another notice of missed payment and threatening to pile on fees. I wasn’t keen on their passive-aggressive motives. The eviction was moving forward to mediation, but seeing as Danny was no longer living there, it was a non-issue right now. Let the pricks waste their time with lawyers and courts. The main focus was paying for the clinic so Danny could get the care he needed. And I didn’t like the idea of finding a cheaper place, because Alex took good care of him there. He also needed to see the neurologist for a checkup, which needed to happen soon. Then there was the issue of a doctor that could help him with his emotional outbursts, which was as equally as expensive.
I texted Sean, requesting the night off. I assumed it wouldn’t be a problem on a weekday. Danny needed me more than he needed to send student loans a payment. Sean responded quickly with a “no problem” and made me promise to take care of Danny.
Collecting the bills into a pile, I trusted Mrs. B. to take care of them. She was smart like Danny and understood things like financial rates and interest. I’d given her the first few checks I’d gotten from working at The Adonis. She’d reluctantly accepted them and had put the money toward continuing Danny’s physical therapy and filling his prescriptions. I’d promised him I’d take care of it, and I meant it.
I glared at the past due notice and balled it up, the heat of anger nipping the back of my neck. I hadn’t been angry with Danny about our discussion, but with myself for not being able to share my thoughts and emotions effectively. I wished I was better with words like he was, but it was like my brain had placed a blocker on my emotional center.
My name drifted from the bedroom, and I rushed to take care of Danny. I found him sitting on the edge of the bed, ragged. Everything that made me, me tightened so that I became aware of every little thing he needed.
“Piss?” I inquired.
He nodded and I helped him to the bathroom. He was getting better every day with his motor functions, which was why my next check was going toward physical therapy as well. All the other stuff like missed rent, utilities, and student loans could go fuck themselves.
I stood him in front of the toilet and set his hands in their respective positions then I went to stand outside the bathroom where I listened to him pee. It was so routine now, I didn’t think anything different of it. But caring for him, wanting to protect and make him smile—touchinghim—was natural for me. I could recognize it was different for him. I didn’t want us to change, though. I liked being close to him, touching him in a way few others did.
His words echoed in my mind again like an annoying tune that had gotten stuck on repeat in my brain. I knew what bi-curious meant, but it didn’t sound right to sum up what I felt for Danny. Fuck all the labels. I knew what I wanted.
“Jere?” Danny muttered, peeking through the door. “I'm done.”
“All right,” I said and hooked my arm in his as I led him down the stairs and into the living room. I was glad we’d moved back in with his mother, but I worried about the stairs. He was one burst of anger away from taking a tumble and setting back months of progress. “What do you want for dinner? Your mom should be home soon.”
“Did I sleep that long? I guess I was exhausted. Ah, you pick whatever you have the taste for.” I got him settled and comfortable on the couch. “And none of that whatever you want is good for me bull.”
“But what if it is good enough?”
“Fine. I want Hot Tamales for dinner.” When I sneered at the thought of shoveling candy down my throat for dinner, he laughed. “Exactly, so you pick something.”
I thought about it for a moment and came to a conclusion. “I want to take you out for lunch soon. I set up something with Ronnie. We’re going to walk to a cafe around the corner and have a nice lunch together. You could use some fresh air and Alex said you need to exercise on your own and not just at the clinic. So you’re picking dinner tonight.”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I can barely make it to the bathroom. Do you think I can walk several blocks?”
I realized he was seeking approval. “We’re going to find out, aren’t we?”
He grumbled something but I knew him well enough to know he was interested in pushing his walking abilities. “Fine. I should choose something fiscally conservative like ramen, but I’m kind of craving pizza.”
