He snaps the reins, and the horses start walking. We belt out the words to “Jingle Bells” and wave at the other sleigh which is still loading.
Abbie makes sure to put her arms around me and squeal. “Will! She likes me better. Hee, hee, hee.”
We pass by too fast for me to see Lindsay’s expression. Bet it grinds her guts that both of her kids like me. Let’s see. She’s a sourpuss and always telling them what they can’t do. I’m encouraging and affirming. I’ve never had a little sister before, and Abbie is so easy to like. She’s smart as a tack, and her eyes glaze with heroine worship every time she turns to me.
The snow is falling faster after we finish “Jingle Bells.” The sleigh driver suggests “White Christmas.” I lean back and look up at the large flakes drifting down lazily. This is so real and exactly how Christmas should be. I feel like I’m inside a movie, a family Christmas special.
The horses are now trotting through the snow. The sleigh bounces with bells jangling, and the sound of blades swishing over the snow-covered ground is just how I imagined it would be. An owl hoots, and the moon above me is like a glowing pearl.
I wonder why Braden is missing this, but it’s probably old hat for him. The guy is at least sixteen years older than me. Everything new for me is old for him.
Same with me and Will. I’m only playing teenager while he’s still in the throes of discovering life and testing his limits.
“Isn’t this fun?” Abbie taps my shoulder. “Can you catch a snowflake?”
“I bet I can.” I stick out my tongue to catch a flake. One tingles on my tongue, and I giggle with delight.
“Did you know no two snowflakes are the same?” Abbie informs me. “How is that possible?”
I start to think about the permutations and combinations of all the crystals making up a snowflake but I decide to simply enjoy the moment.
“Same way every moment is different. Nothing’s ever the same or happens exactly the same way again.” I close my eyes and let the cold air, the tickling snow, the sound of the horses snorting, the feel of movement, and the happy, giggling voices fill me with a peace I’ve never known.
I have Braden to thank for all of this, but where is he, and why isn’t he here with me enjoying the perfect Christmas?
Of course, it’s not perfect for him or for anyone in the Powers family.
Poppy is dying.
No amount of Christmas magic, snowflake crystals, twinkling stars, and Christmas trees can make up for the underlying grief.
Here I am, in the middle of it all—a vampire sucking the joy from this family under false pretenses.
Lowering my head, I blink back tears, and even though I never ask God for anything, because I don’t believe he’s on my side, I ask him for a Christmas miracle.
The rest of the riders are now singing “O Come, All Ye Faithful”as the sleigh slows down and the lighted, snow-covered steeple of a small country church comes into view.
O, God,I pray under my breath.Please heal Jon Powers of all his illnesses and give him many more years with his wonderful family.
And since I’m a selfish kind of person, I tuck in a tiny request for me.And if you’re in the giving mood, please give me a family as sweet and loving as the Powers family. Bless my mom and Yan, and all the Reeds. Maybe they’ll love me the way the Powers and Brants love each other.
The horses slow to a stop and stamp their hooves, snorting and shaking their heads. Right before the sleigh driver opens the side door for us to get out, I slip in a prayer for Braden,And dear Lord God, please fix whatever’s bothering him, and maybe let me be a part of his life if he wants.
* * *
“Tell me what the dining philosophers’ problem is again?” Abbie shakes my arm on the way back from the Christmas Eve service. She sat next to me the entire time and excitedly waved to her friends, telling everyone how she wants to be like me when she grows up.
We took the exact same seats in the two sleighs, and this time, the one with Will, Nash, and Lindsay takes off first. The snow is falling faster than before church, and we’re covered with blankets to keep the snow and chill off us. Good thing snow’s not wet, or we’d be soaked to the bone.
Macy and Riley and their dates chatter in the back seat, talking about people they know and who’s with who—the usual young adult interests. Susanna is strangely quiet.
During the church service, she and Lindsay sat next to each other and stared at their phones. Several times, Jolene shot her a glare to put away the phone, but within minutes, she had it out again.
Lindsay thought she was being sly, hiding the phone inside the thick Bible, but no one was fooled. I wonder what’s up with her. Does she have a secret lover she’s busily texting?
If so, why is she spending Christmas with Nash, who she’s obviously not interested in? He and Will hung out with the young men who sanga cappellain a barbershop quartet style.
“It has to do with deadlock and shared tokens,” I answer Abbie’s question. Her puzzled look reminds me to simplify. “It has to do with sharing and coming up with rules so that all the philosophers can eat and think by taking turns with the forks.”
