“Where’s the doody?” Mrs. Penny yelled, appearing in the door and trying to push past Nick.
Riley grabbed hold of the straps of the woman’s nightgown. “Not now, Mrs. Penny! She’s got a gun!”
“Who? Me?” Mrs. Penny said, reaching down and drawing her own gun from what Nick could only assume was a thigh holster. “Of course I’ve got a gun.”
“Everybody, get down!” Nick yelled.
Everyone but Lurlene hit the deck. Unfortunately, when Riley dropped to the porch, Mrs. Penny’s borrowed nightgown came with her.
“Whoa,” the kid said.
Kellen shoved him headfirst into a bush. “Get the fuck out of here before I shoot you myself.”
“Excellent body positivity, Mrs. Penny,” Sesame said, giving her a thumbs-up from the porch floorboards.
“You know what?” Lurlene said to herself. Nick held her steady in his sights. “It doesn’t matter who I start with. I’m just going to kill every single one of you, and then I’m going to fly back to my desert mansion and wait for my FDA approval.”
“Not gonna happen, Lurlene,” Sesame said, returning to her feet. “It’s too late. I already talked to the FBI, and they’re really interested in having a chat with you.”
“You did what?”
Sesame smirked. “It’s true. There are warrants out for your arrest already.”
Lurlene gave an enraged roar and leveled her gun at Sesame. “I’m gonna kill you!”
Nick put his knee in Riley’s back to make sure she stayed down and took aim. But he didn’t have to pull the trigger. Because Kellen vaulted onto the porch.
Lurlene swung around, pointing the gun at him.
“You leave my brother alone!” Sesame screamed and hurled herself onto Lurlene’s back just as she pulled the trigger. The bullet went high, and the two women went down.
At that exact moment, Zorro charged out onto the porch. “What in tarnation is going on?” he demanded. He still had part of Riley’s guitar around his neck.
“That’s Royce,” Riley said.
“Got that too, baby,” Nick said.
Sesame was straddling Lurlene and slapping her in the face. “Don’t. Ever. Try. To. Shoot. My. Brother.”
Kellen raced to her side and pulled Sesame off the woman.
“You!” Zorro snarled, spotting Riley still pinned under Nick. Nostrils flaring, he drew his sword.
“Bring it, bozo,” Nick snarled. He took aim.
But before Royce could take a step toward him, there was another crash.
Tommy, still in his knight armor, fell out of the living room window onto the porch. It sounded like a canned soup display collapsing in a supermarket.
It took Tommy almost ten whole seconds to get to his feet. But when he did, he charged his uncle, sword drawn.
The clang of metal echoed off the porch ceiling as Zorro and the white knight swung awkwardly at each other. “I wasn’t really gonna kill you, Tommy. Sure, probably your wife and all your friends here. But we’re family. That’s gotta mean something,” Royce said.
“I would have killed you. I never liked you. Even when you were a baby, you sucked,” Lurlene said from under Kellen, who was zip-tying her hands behind her back.
“You’re wrong, Aunt Lurlene. You two suck! You’re the worst aunt and uncle in the world. You should be grateful for Sesame. She gave you everything, but you just wanted more!”
“Aww! Thanks for appreciating me, babe,” Sesame chirped.
