Hopefully, in just a little bit, I’ll be able to hear Blake’s voice for the very first time. Hope. That’s the backbone of this entire operation which spanned the rejection of both of my parents’ health insurance policies, three time zones, and over twelve thousand miles when you log all the back and forth travel. The pessimist in me keeps rearing her practical little head, reminding me that there is a chance the implants won’t work. The surgery was risky to begin with. Being profoundly deaf didn’t exactly make me the most lucrative candidate for the procedure. It also didn’t help that insurance balked when we begged them to cover it. This was all cash. Cash. One Excel Implant for both ears. The price tag was daunting, but my parents generously insisted I get them both at once. They emptied their 401Ks of sixty five grand as easy as shaking out a few coins from a porcelain piggy bank. They did it with joy, with hope—there’s that tricky word again. If this doesn’t work, it will break my heart for far more reasons than just my inability to hear.
Blake was kind enough to fly out for the surgery last month as well. I don’t think I could have done it without him holding my hand right up until they wheeled me away. It turns out the nanny Wyatt hired is phenomenal. Not only that, but, it turns out Roxy, Baya, and Izzy all have a sweet spot for babies. But that little boy is all mine. I love Benji as if he were my own. And when Blake holds him, feeds him, changes his diaper like it’s second nature, my heart expands to the size of the universe. Just when I didn’t think it was possible, I fall in love with Blake Daniels even deeper than before.
We take a seat near the back in the busy office and wait for what feels like a thousand years before the receptionist calls me.
My phone vibrates. It’s a text from Kaya.Can you hear me now?
I text back.You’re not funny. And, no, we haven’t turned them on yet. Soon!
Finally, Mom signs that it’s time to go in.
“This is it,” I give it in an excited whisper, my hands just as animated as my heart.
This is going to be so great! I hop to my feet and twirl into Blake.
“It’s happening.” My teeth graze over my lips as a sad realization hits me. If it doesn’t happen, there will be quite the ledge to fall from. I’d better lower my expectations in the event nothing happens at all.
Every one of those hearing aids, those strange barbaric devices I’ve tried in the past come flooding through my mind. We walk down a maze of hallways to the heart of the facility as I recall the dull roars, the low-toned warbles that I opted out of before. What if that’s all I get? Worse, what if the world sounded that way all along, and I had just painted some rosier picture?
“Take a seat in the chair, Dr. Vance will be right with you.” The nurse’s aid both signs and speaks. I watch as her lips move and wonder if it’s the last time I’ll have to focus so intently on someone else’s mouth—with the exception of Blake’s of course. His mouth I can stare at all day—preferably in bed with my fingers outlining his lips.
We try to file into the office as one giant mob, and she’s quick to hold up a hand.
“I’m sorry but only the patient is allowed inside during the adjustment. The rest of you can wait out here if you like.”
Great. I swallow uneasily as I follow her to my seat. After a small eternity and signingI love youto everyone at the door for the hundredth time, Dr. Vance comes in with that same easy smile he had right before the anesthesiologist knocked me out.
“You okay?”He dips his chin as if it were more rhetorical than anything else.“Let’s get this party started, shall we?”The deep baritone of his voice trembles through me. I can always feel when Dr. Vance is speaking. And now I’m hoping to hear him.
He busies himself with the computer in front of him, and my anxiety hits an all-time high. My palms sweat. My body temperature spikes so fast, I slip my hand over my forehead to cool me.
He reaches into a tiny blue box and pulls out a small, silver square.
“This is your remote, Annie. I’m going to position this to your ear to turn on your implants. And when I do, I want you to tell me when you hear three tiny beeps.”
My eyes flit to the door. My mother has managed to scoot herself inside, and I spot Blake standing between my brothers. His wide eyes look inviting as windows that I long to crawl into. If this doesn’t work—if I don’t hear the beeps, if I don’t hear anything—
Dr. Vance places the remote to my left temple, and I take a breath.
A short squeak emits, then another, and another—piercing and painful. My eyes squeeze tight in response. I gag on my next breath and hear a myriad of sound coming from my own throat.
I take in a quick breath and marvel at the roar coming from my own mouth. An entire series of crackling, mind-numbing, sharp bites of agony continue to claw behind my temples. Another choking sound comes from my throat, this time I choose to laugh. Laughter! Myownlaughter. Tears come unexpected as the joy transcends the pain.
“Annie?” A smooth, deep voice comes from my left. I look to the door as Blake takes a step inside. My skull vibrates and pops as sound and sight finally merge in one beautiful orchestra. It’s as if I step outside of the pain threshold, refuse my body one last grievance and simply soak in the world around me—soak in Blake and his beautiful voice.
“Blake?” My voice! I cry hard as I launch into his arms.
“Annie.” His chest bucks beneath mine, and we’re both in tears.
My brothers and my mom swarm around me in a tight huddle. It’s a choir of unfamiliar sounds, so perfect and right, so beautiful and strong and lovely, just the way I imagined they would be.
I kiss and hug them all in turn. I cup my mother’s cheeks.
“Thank you for supporting me through this for all these years. I love you. I really am so thankful.”
“I know, sweetie, I know.” She sounds every bit as sweet as I knew she would.
I float into Blake’s arms. The world is new again.
