“Get in here, you piece of shit,” Olivia snarls. At least her sense of humor is still intact. We walk to the other side of the curtain, and Olivia twitches the idea of a smile at the two of us.
“He’s in there.” She nods to her left at the glass basinet where a tiny bundle of flannel blankets quietly fidgets. “Go on. Get your daddy on.” She flips the channel on the TV and turns down the volume. “You, too.” She flicks the remote toward Annie. “If you’re going to be playing the part of ‘baby mama’, you’d better get to know the critter.”
“Ignore her.” I walk Annie toward the tiny bundle. “My God,” I whisper. My body shakes out of control as the tears come. All of the pain, all of the heartache of losing Benji is coming to a head in the most beautiful way.
Annie taps me, points to the baby and makes a rocking motion with her arms. “Pick him up.”
“Yes.” I give a nervous laugh at the thought. I reach in carefully and extract him a little faster than anticipated because holy, holy—he is lighter than air. “He doesn’t weigh anything.” The patch of dark hair on the top of his head wafts in the breeze I’ve created with my words.
“Five pounds, nine ounces. That’s plenty big.” Olivia reaches for a carton of milk and gives it an aggressive shake.
“Hello,” I whisper as I draw him near. His navy eyes are glassy as he blinks at me. This tiny being is seeing me for the very first time. I try to smile, but I want to cry. His pink button nose is more than I can handle. He grimaces and smiles on a loop. But it’s the shape of his lips, of his eyebrows, the familiar contours of his face. “Annie”—I turn towards her with this precious angel in my arms—“what I’ve been trying to tell you for so long is that this precious little boy”—I swallow hard just trying to push the words through the brick lodged in my throat, taking the words nice and slow—“he truly belongs to my brother. This is Benji’s baby. Olivia was Ben’s girlfriend in the end. Not mine.”
“Back up the tape.” Olivia spins her finger in the air.
“We dated for a while in the dark ages. Ben sort of snagged her away, and I was okay with that. Our run was long over.”
Annie’s eyebrows arch deep into her forehead. A pleasant look of surprise takes over for a moment before she melts again into the baby.
A swell of relief fills me because I’m pretty sure Annie just understood what I’ve been dying to tell her.
“This is his child.” Her voice cracks with grief.
“And now he’s mine.” I touch my lips to his suede soft skin. “This is the only piece of my brother I have left.” I blink back the tears as I look at my son, the exact reflection of my brother, of me. “I promise, I’m going to love you forever, buddy. I’m here for you. I always will be.”
“He’s beautiful.” Annie whispers as she touches her finger to his tiny hand, and he claps onto her like he’s never letting go. He already knows a good thing when he sees it. “What’s his name?”
I cradle him between the two of us.
“His name is Benjamin. Just like his daddy.”
Last Song
Annie
Snow blowsthrough Hollow Brook like a procession of swirling stars tumbling over the velvet backdrop of night.
Blake suggested a detour before he drops me back off at the dorm. Baby Ben is still tucked safely away at the hospital with the nurses and Olivia—although I wouldn’t particularly call him safe with her from what I can tell. She’s a piece of work that I wouldn’t trust with my child, and, in a way, I feel that protective of this tiny being I just met. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact Blake is a father, uncle—uncle-father. It’s as if I’ve been thrust into another universe, but this isn’t about me. The focus is on this beautiful baby that his brother Benji is unable to care for, and I’m proud of Blake for stepping up. Today my heart grew for him, the size of a mountain.
We drive up the steep embankment on the way to that special place where we shared our first sunset. We pass the Witch’s Cauldron with its steam rising into the sky like ghosts, the rushing river as it threads into icy ropes. We park up at the top, and Blake helps me out as we make our way to the overlook.
We belly up to the stone wall that sits along the edge of the cliff as we peer down at the miniature world, dusted in white, with its city lights winking into the night.
It’s gorgeous.The blue light of my phone gives an ethereal effect on this already fairytale-like evening.
Blake’s chest rises and falls with a breath as he looks at the phone. He types quickly into his and sends me a text.You don’t need this, Annie. You speak beautifully.His eyes carry a heartbreak that’s all for me.
I like this. This is comfortable.I take a deep breath.Besides, I think we need to say a few things, and this way I can focus on what I’m trying to say and not how I might sound.
He gives a brief nod. The wind picks up, fast and violent, slicing through my sweater like a thousand frozen knives.
Can I hold you?Blake looks as if the world just unhinged and landed on his back. The weight of this day alone has aged him.
“Yes,” I whisper.
Blake warms me in his arms before typing something out.I’m so sorry I hurt you, Annie. After Ben died I knew Olivia would need me. I volunteered to help out with the baby, and that’s when she let me know she didn’t want to keep it. She’s not exactly—maternal.
I have a feeling that’s putting it mildly.
