“If you’re taking me on a tour of where the magic happens, I think I’ll pass.”
“No, silly” —she swings the door open to my old room, and I gasp—“it’s the nursery.”
A mint green wonderland awaits with pastel letters that read BABY hanging over a white crib. It’s already filled to the brim with tiny furry teddy bears as adorable as can be.
“Wow.” My voice breaks as I head over and pick one up, cradling it as if it were a newborn. “I can’t believe this.” My heart wrenches because I can believe it. I had dreamed about it myself for a time.
“Gavin is whittling away at the cradle himself. You know it’s going to be the pièce de résistance of anything this nursery holds. Of course, it’ll probably never be in the nursery. I want this precious angel right next to my bed for the next year at least.” She holds her stomach and smiles down at her well-defined bump with only the pride a new mother could have.
“Yes, I’m sure he’ll do a great job.” Tears stream down my face like a flood I suddenly have no interest in staving off.
“Ugh.” Demi lets out a violent groan. “That darn morning sickness doesn’t seem to understand the concept ofmorning. I’d better get some ice water in me.” She takes off in a flurry of groans and moans as I glance back at my old childhood bedroom filled with the promise of new life, an irony in and of itself.
“Zoey? You in here?” Gavin gets a glimpse of my face, and his features contort. “Come here, girl.” He pulls me into those strong arms and lands a tender kiss to the top of my head. “You’re going to be great with the baby. I can already feel it. I know things are changing, but I promise, you’re as much a part of this as Demi and me.”
I sob into my brother’s arms and let him comfort me, letting him believe that my grief stems from the fact I’m feeling disenfranchised. And in a way, I am. But only because my life took a hairpin turn all of those long lonely months ago.
I had everything. My classes were going great, and I had found love or at least something that closely resembled it. I had done the unthinkable without telling the only family member I have on this planet about it. I got married on a whim to someone I believed I’d spend the rest of my days with.
My life was on the right track, or so I thought.
My baby would have been one.
* * *
I head backto the cabin, shower and instead of dressing for the date Abel is about to take me on, I pull on my coziest sweatpants, a tank top, no bra. Jamie has infiltrated my mind once again, and I’ve gone through this enough to realize that it’s useless pretending I can make it through the remainder of the day.
Jamie was my baby. My sweet angel. A testament to my short-lived, albeit messy, marriage to Holder. I lost Jamie at five months gestation. The doctors weren’t entirely sure how that happened, but assured me it wasn’t all that uncommon either. I know how it happened. Jamie’s death just so happened to coincide with my own severe heartbreak. You can’t tell me one didn’t affect the other.
I went in alone to deliver him. Holder didn’t offer to come because Holder was too busy screwing his new Mrs. Right, Arlene. Last I heard, Arlene and Holder are still together. Our divorce has long since come and gone. It used to eat at me—erode me from the inside like battery acid, and now that some time and distance have come between us, I don’t care as much as I used to. But Holder and I were close once. He made me believe in love, in people, in all the wonderful things that my parents once called their own. But he was nothing but a hypocrite, and I was a fool for believing him.
At a quarter to six like clockwork Abel gives a gentle knock over the door. I swing it open to find him freshly scrubbed, holding the scent of soap and cologne. His jeans and T-shirt look impeccable on him and yet not even the thought of running around this mountain with this beautiful man is enough to pull me from my funk.
In truth, I was never that into infants. I never had baby fever as a child, nor did I play with dolls. But that tiny being that lived in me for so short a time had infiltrated the deepest chamber of my heart, and somehow I bonded with a child I had never seen, touched, or heard. It was as if the impossible had happened and I fell in love with the least likely suspects, my own flesh and blood.
“Whoa.” His thumb rises to my cheek and gives a gentle stroke. “You don’t look too enthused to see me.” His eyes run up and down my severely underdressed body. Lucky for me, he’s in jeans. He did mention tonight’s outing would be casual. I suppose the lesson here is that I keep things literal. “Everything okay?” His gaze presses into me, probing and thick with concern. My heart melts at the thought of this gorgeous man, this very important older man caring an ounce about me or my lack of enthusiasm.
“It is now.” I draw him in by the hand and seal the door shut to the cruel world behind him. “What’s on the agenda for the evening?” He must be thinking I can’t be serious. Not with this hair. Not with this unkempt look I’ve got going on. Maybe he thinks he’s onto me—that this is all a test on my part. See if he can stand by me while I wallow in the gutter of life. Wallowing seems to be the only thing I’m good at as of late. Maybe ever.
“The agenda?” His arms pat my sides a moment as if he were about to hold me, before he comes to his senses and returns his hands to his sides. “I don’t have an agenda with you, Zoey.”
“Sure you do. You’re going to treat me like a real gentleman should, remember? And I’m going to appreciate it like the good little girl. In fact, I might even enjoy letting you spank me with the lesson.”
“Spank?” His brows rise. “Is that where you think this is heading?”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” I whisper through a tiny laugh. My fingers drag over his chest nice and slow. “Let me guess. Tonight, we stay in? I’m sure there are a lot of lessons a man like you can teach a girl like me.” My tongue runs a quick revolution over my lips. “Are you up for teaching a bad girl a few good tricks?”
He swallows audibly before his lids grow heavy, and I’ve got him right where I want him.
“Nope. Put your shoes on. We’re headed out this evening. We might bump into the odd soul, but pretty much no one else will be around—just you and me.”
“Put on my shoes? Are you barking out commands?” I lean in, bringing my lips just shy of his. “Why do I eat it up like candy when you’re forceful?”
A huff of a laugh expels from him. “Something tells me you like to be dominated.”
“Only by handsome attorneys turned writers.” My fingers trace out his lips as my breathing picks up. “Know of any?” Abel has the power to supercharge me without even trying.
He opens his mouth and takes a playful bite of my finger. “You taste delicious.”
