I start to pull each dumbbell up, one arm at a time, inhaling and exhaling with each movement. Colton joins me with Eli propped up on his arm, her back leaning against his chest so she’s sitting up and looking out at me.
Her eyes move from left to right, like she’s trying to take in the room in front of her. I smile at them through the mirror as I continue.
“You look like a natural,” I tell him.
He begins to walk back and forth behind me while I struggle through my reps, pushing through the burn. “Don’t think thismeans I’m a reliable babysitter.” He smiles. “My schedule is unpredictable.”
“Wouldn’t think of it,” I reply. “You’re not even a reliable friend.”
He feigns offense. “Excuse me. I am here, making sure your ass doesn’t sink down a hole of self-pity.”
“Don’t worry about that. There’s no self-pity going on here. More like self-hatred.”
That makes him stop in his tracks. “Want to talk about it?”
“Not even a little bit.”
I finish up my reps, and he tells me to switch to an upright row. I should tell him I can pick my own workout, but it’s nice not to have to think for once. So, instead of being stubborn and arguing, I pick another weight and do his suggestion.
He narrows his eyes. “Tough shit. We’re talking about it. Have you heard from her?”
“No.”
He stops in place. “Have you reached out to her?”
“No.”
“Well, aren’t you the talker? Why not?”
I huff out my exhale more dramatically than usual, hoping he gets the point. “Because she doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“Did she tell you that?”
“Not those exact words.”
“Ah, so you’re projecting your worst fears to protect yourself.”
“Just because she didn’t use those exact words doesn’t mean everything is fine. You weren’t there. You didn’t see the betrayal in her eyes. She blames me for keeping it a secret for so long. She told me I’d done enough, then asked me to leave.”
He just watches me as I finish out my reps. I place the weights back down on the rack.
“It’s a shitty situation you were put in. Roman gave us all the rundown. You did what you thought was right for Jessie. She’ll come around and see it. I’m sure she just needs time.”
I know better than to get my hopes up, thinking there’s a possibility that she might forgive me. I wipe my forehead with the back of my shirt.
“Come on.” Colton nods his head. “Let’s get back to your place. Get a shower and have a drink. No more talking about Jessie. We’ll just hang out.”
I don’t argue with that. Wallowing in my own sadness was not working like I thought it would. At least Colton can be here to make sure I don’t do anything stupid, like drive to Jessie’s parents’ house and insert myself where I don’t belong.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Jessie
Isit in my car and grip the steering wheel like it’s a lifeline. I’ve been sitting in my parents’ driveway for thirty minutes, trying to work up the nerve to go in. I couldn’t even cry if I wanted to. I’m pretty sure my body can’t produce any more tears.
The entire drive out here was a blur of emotions. My body still trembles with adrenaline. There’s no way this can be true. It would change everything I thought I knew about who I am. The one person who gets me, who I modeled myself to be like, is not even who I thought he was.
All this time, it was a lie.
