Instead, I stare up at him like a damn fool. This is why I shouldn’t be alone with him. I haven’t lost control of keeping my hatred in the forefront of my mind for years.
“Your turn,” he says, breaking me from the voodoo spell he had on me.
“For what?”
“Getting ready for bed. I can take her.”
He stretches his arms out. I stand up, and we awkwardly try to maneuver around one another to exchange Eli. He has a woodsy, spicy scent that’s distracting. I’ve always been a sucker for the scent of a man.
He places her in the same upright position she seems to enjoy, and I stand in front of him awkwardly as I realize I don’t have anything to sleep in.
“Um, I didn’t expect to be spending the night,” I admit, feeling suddenly shy, which isn’t my personality.
Walker is the only one who brings this side out in me.
I hate feeling this vulnerable.
“Oh, right,” he says as he bounces her slightly and pats her back. He already seems slightly more comfortable with holding her than when I first got here. “Follow me. You can borrow something.”
That’s a bad idea. Wearing his clothes is what girlfriends do. But I’m not trying to sleep in his air-conditioned penthouse in my shorts and tank top. It’s cold in here. And I like to be comfy in the middle of the night.
Walking into his bedroom feels strange. He opens a drawer and pulls out black sweatpants, handing them to me.
“They’re big, but there’s a drawstring so you can tighten them around your waist.” Then he opens another drawer, this time pulling out a gray Columbia shirt.
“I get your ratty old college shirt?” I say to lighten the mood.
“Yes, I’ve gone down on plenty of girls in that thing. I thought you’d like it.”
I toss the shirt at him, and he laughs as he hands it back to me.
“I’m just kidding.”
“Are you though?” I ask, feeling like it’s more probable that he did.
He sighs as he pats Eli’s back some more. “Just go change. You can use my bathroom right behind you.”
I change as quickly as I can, not wanting to let myself think about the fact that it’s his clothing that’s draped around mybody. I walk back out into his bedroom to find him pulling the covers on his bed down with Eli asleep in his arms.
The sound machine has been moved to his bedroom as well as everything he needs to change her in the middle of the night.
The swaddle that I purchased is draped over the pack and play.
“You should swaddle her and get some sleep now while you can,” I whisper. “Where am I sleeping tonight?”
He looks at his bed and back at me like the answer is obvious. “Right here.”
I lean forward, hands on my hips—an attempt to convey the utter disbelief that I’m feeling. “Umm, I’m not sleeping in your bed with you.”
You would think I just told him his puppy died with the look he’s giving me.
“What? But I need you. How will I know whether to feed her or change her or what she needs in the middle of the night?”
“I’ll sleep on the couch, you big baby. Come get me if you need me.”
I go to turn around, and he’s in front of me before I can even make it out of the room.
“Please, Jessie. Ican’tdo this alone tonight. I know we have a history. I know it’s … complicated.”
