Alicesatatherkitchen table, poking at the food she had bought from the local tavern. She always enjoyed the food from the Rose and the Peacock, and she knew the meat was probably as flavorful as ever, but she barely tasted it today. Eating alone was no fun.The abundance of food she had ordered in the hopes that today would be the day Nathaniel returned mocked her from where it lay spread on the table. But as the afternoon wore on and the dishes cooled, she was forced to admit that he would not visit her today either.
They only came together in short bursts of incandescent passion, fucked like crazy lunatics, and as soon as passion was spent, they argued, they retreated, they parted. And the worst part is she knew it was her own damn fault. Because she couldn’t give him what he wanted, what he needed. She couldn’tbethat.
She missed him so much it was a constant ache in her chest. Perhaps he had at last had enough of her. Enough of her insufficiencies and drama. Not only had he found out she wasillegitimate and had been keeping that information from him, but she had also refused to be his wife. His partner in life. She had offered him an affair and had even encouraged him to proceed with the divorce. God, if the positions were reversed, and it was he who’d offered her such a dishonorable proposition, she would think him a cad. What did that make her then?
And not content with that, when he had finally come home, instead of welcoming him, she had started a stupid fight. Accused him of trying to control her and manipulate her. She knew it was not true. Why had she done it then? The answer had not been easy to find. It lay hidden in the depths of her heart, where she had secured it under lock and key. But at last, she had found the courage to examine her motives. In the days since his departure, the regret and self-recriminations had filled the long, empty hours. She had done it because otherwise she would have to face the fact that she was a coward. That she was afraid of being Lady Greystone for reasons she could not even fully comprehend.
The mouthful of food she had just swallowed stuck in her suddenly constricted throat, and she took a sip of wine to help wash it down. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to be his wife. She did, but the way they had been before. The way they were in this house. Their little love nest, apart from the world and its responsibilities. She couldn’t be a viscountess. The idea was ridiculous. She would be a disgrace, an embarrassment to him. A liability. He would lose credibility in the House of Lords, and she knew he championed just causes there. Because of her, he would lose votes, and important bills might not pass. He could lose friends and colleagues. He would lose his reputation. And she would lose his love.
She could only imagine the rumors; Viscount Greystone had married a nobody, a bastard, a spy. His mother would continue running the household. Making snide remarks and remindingher every day of how inadequate she was. And she would feel out of place in what was supposed to be her home.
The knock on the door made her jump. She hurriedly dabbed at her mouth before dashing out of the kitchen. At last, he had come! She stopped for only a moment in front of the hallway mirror to check her appearance. Her hair was escaping the pins, and her clothes were plain. She certainly didn’t look her best, but there was no time to change. Alice shook her head, resuming her strides towards the door. What did it matter, anyway? Nathaniel had seen her in every state of dress and undress and in several ridiculous and unflattering costumes as well. Her appearance was of no consequence.
She reached the door and unlocked it without checking who was on the other side, but when she drew the door back, the person on her stoop made her stop dead in her tracks. Of all the people she had thought might be calling, she had not expected such a visitor. Although maybe she should have.
“Lady Greystone? Alice? May I come in?”
Alice swept the street with a quick look. Only the luxurious coach that had brought her visitor was parked in front of her house. All the other houses appeared quiet. The lane deserted.
Taking a deep breath to brace herself, she took a step back and invited her visitor in with a polite smile.
“Of course, Lady Hartfield. Please forgive my manners; I was just surprised to find you at my doorstep. Please come in.”
“Please call me Abigail,” the other woman said as she entered and removed her gloves and cloak. She took the cloak from her and hung it on the coat rack by the door, then ushered the countess to her drawing room.
“I would offer you tea, but I am afraid I would have to leave you alone to prepare it myself, since I don’t keep any servants,” she said baldly. An outrageous idea occurred to her, and beforeshe could second-guess herself, she blurted it out, “Or you could join me in the kitchen. I was having a meal by myself.”
Far from being shocked, Abigail’s eyes—eyes that were the same blue grey as her own, she now realized—lit up at the idea. “That sounds splendid! Much better than tea. I have to confess that since I’m nursing my little one, I’m ravenous all the time. A meal sounds much more the thing than tea.”
Alice smiled at the countess and turned to lead the way to the kitchen. “Come with me then, my lady, and I shall provide you with enough sustenance for two.”
Abigail chuckled and followed her down the hallway.
“I imagine you are here because John told you,” Alice asked without preamble as she sat the countess at the simple wooden table and placed a plate and cutlery in front of her.
She was still a bit appalled at her own temerity of asking a countess to dine with her in the kitchen, but Abigail seemed to have taken it in stride, and in fact seemed happy to join her as she served herself from the humble tavern offerings.
“He did. I hope you don’t think me presumptuous for showing up uninvited, but after learning about our connection, I just had to get to know you better.”
“You don’t have to worry that I’ll embarrass you by making our connection public.”
Abigail frowned. “I’m not worried about that in the least. In fact, I would love to boast of our relationship to our friends.”
The idea was so preposterous that it made Alice smile, as it was no doubt Lady Hartfield’s aim. The countess was as kind and friendly as Alice remembered. If their positions were different, she would have loved to have a sister like Abigail. Alas, the circumstances of her birth made that impossible.
“I think you have it backwards, my lady. Countesses don’t boast about their illegitimate half-sisters.”
All teasing left the countess’s face, who tilted her head to the side and examined her with inquisitive eyes. “You are quite the heroine among our friends in The Ladies’ Lair. They are all in awe of you. They tell tales about the women and children you’ve helped rescue.”
“And yet society would hold all those so-called heroic acts against me. An independent woman? A spy? Scandalous. They are more likely to call it disgraceful.”
“I’m sure there are those in society that would. But society is not a monolithic thing. You have friends among the aristocracy. Duchesses, countesses, marchionesses. In fact, your station is not that dissimilar from ours. John told me you are a viscountess yourself.”
Oh God. Even the mention of the title was enough to send a cold shiver down her back. She was not a viscountess. That was the problem. She shook her head. “I may be in name. But I don’t go by my title. In fact, very few people know I am a viscountess, so I must ask you, my lady, to please don’t tell anyone.” She didn’t want people finding out she was a viscountess when she might not be for much longer.
Abigail frowned. “Of course, dear. You have my promise.” She leaned closer and whispered, “Do you have to hide your identity because of your work? Is that the reason for the secrecy?”
Alice couldn’t lie to Abigail. She liked her immensely. More than that, she felt the pull of kinship with her. An instant affinity. Maybe they could never acknowledge their relationship in public, but she would like to be friends.
