“I think we are out.”
“No matter.” He shrugged. “At least we have bread, jam, butter, and milk for the tea. I found ham and cheese as well.”
“You’re very at home for someone who doesn’t live here anymore,” she murmured, folding her arms loosely.
His mouth curved faintly. “Well, I did live here for years. Hard to forget how to make tea in my own kitchen.”
He reached for a loaf of bread, slicing it carefully. The knife made a rhythmic shhhk-shhhk sound against the crust.
“Everything is exactly the same,” he said after a pause. “You and me. Like old times.”
Alice leaned against the doorframe, watching him with wary eyes. He seemed so relaxed, so much like the Nathaniel of their early marriage, that it made her chest ache.
“Why are you doing this?” she asked quietly. The question burst from the aching center of her heart.
He stilled, knife halfway through a slice.
“All of this. Coming here. Staying with me. Acting like…” She swallowed. “Like before. When you’re in the process of divorcing me.”
The words hung in the air, heavy and sharp.
Nathaniel’s jaw tightened. Slowly, he set the knife down and turned to face her fully. His expression had lost its easy warmth, replaced by a guarded seriousness.
“You left me, Alice,” he said evenly.
She flinched. “You know why I left.”
“I know what you said at the time. But I never understood.”
“Because you didn’t want to understand,” she shot back, her voice low but fierce. “Because it was easier to believe I was the one at fault than to see what was right in front of your eyes.”
“What was I supposed to see?” His tone sharpened slightly, though he kept his voice controlled. “I never mistreated you. Never neglected you or betrayed you. What possible reason could there be to justify you leaving me and not fighting to fix whatever the problem was?”
“That’s not fair. I did fight.” Emotion made her voice waver, stiffened her posture, her hands fisting at her sides. “I fought foran entire year. I fought until I became convinced I had no allies and no place in the hallowed halls of Greystone Manor.”
“No place? That’s ridiculous. You were my wife, the Viscountess. The rightful lady of Greystone—”
“No, I was not.” Her laugh was bitter, strangled. “How could I be, when there are already two other ladies there occupying the position and unwilling to give up their place? Especially to someone they considered unworthy and beneath their station.”
Nathaniel blinked, his brow furrowing. “They never said—”
“No. They never said anything outright.” Her voice trembled now, thick with remembered hurt. “It was subtle. A thousand tiny cuts. Your mother’s cutting and condescending words. They’d offer kindness only to twist it into humiliation. Making me feel like the lowest, most incapable creature. Making me question if I was imagining things. And then they’d act so sweet I doubted myself. Can you imagine that, Nathaniel? Me, doubting my own instincts? Me, the agent who is supposed to be the expert at reading people, who could sniff out a lie in a heartbeat, couldn’t tell if they were sincere and I was being oversensitive, or if they really despised me. I began wondering if it was my fault that I never felt welcome, that I just wasn’t good enough, not refined enough to be your wife. To be the viscountess.
He shook his head slowly. “Of course you are good enough! You are the most extraordinary woman I know, Alice.”
“Even the servants saw it. They’d glance at your mother for approval before obeying my instructions. I was nobody.” She sighed, hanging her head in defeat. “But you know, I can’t even blame you for not understanding. It is difficult to see if you haven’t lived it. I doubted myself for an entire year.’
“If my mother and sister-in-law were being difficult, it was probably because they were grieving. They had lost a son and a husband, respectively. Their places in the family were changingas well. It was a difficult time for everyone. I’m sure they didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”
“I know they were mourning, Nathaniel. I’m not an insensitive monster. I made many allowances for their grief. Offered them plenty of grace because of that. I even understood they might have felt threatened by me taking over, and I reassured them I never intended to displace them. I wanted to befriend them. Learn from them. Mourn with them. Be a part of the family. But they never allowed me in.”
“I didn’t know it was so bad. I swear to you, Alice. I thought you had everything in hand. You’ve always been so capable…”
“Capable?” She gave a small, humorless laugh. “Iwas. As an agent. Out there in the field, yes. But in that house…” She shook her head. “I became an imbecile. And you—”
“I was not paying attention.” His voice was low now, full of remorse. “That first year was difficult. I had inherited a ton of responsibilities I never wanted and was wholly unprepared for, so I had much to learn myself. Do you think it was easy for me? My entire life was upended as well, and I was scrambling to adapt.”
Her eyes stung. “I know you were struggling as well. But you never turned to me for support. We weren’t a team anymore. I endured it for a year. A whole year. Until the dinner party disaster.”
