“Saner. Slept much better than I expected.” He brushed a lock of her hair off her face with featherlike gentleness. “Thanks to you.”
She stroked his cheek, and he closed his eyes as he leaned into her caress. “I’m glad I could be of help, after all you have done for me.”
He shook his head. “We are not keeping score. Helping you is good for me as well.”
“You don’t need to save me, Kai.”
“Is that what I’m doing?” he asked, looking away.
“In a way. Isn’t that what you have been doing all your life? Trying desperately to help people? Colin, myself. Countless others as well, I’m sure. Atoning.”
He sucked in a breath, cutting a quick glance at her, but didn’t protest her assessment.
“I want you to know something. As it pertains to me, whether or not I am able to walk again, it is not your fault. Nor your failure. I already consider the progress we have made a success.”
A corner of his mouth hitched in a sad half smile. “So do I, my little deer. But you will recover completely. And you know how I know?”
She shook her head.
“Because you are strong and courageous.”
“Me, strong and courageous?” She shook her head again. “I’m fearful and weak. Given to worrying and fretting.”
“You are a woman who has suffered great losses and has endured it all with grace and dignity. You dared to take a chance on my treatment, without guarantee of success, but you are working relentlessly to overcome your circumstances. You may have escaped opium addiction, when many others with less need for pain relief have succumbed to its lure. I still don’t know how you did it. I already admired you before Esther. Now I’m in awe of you.”
“Don’t.” She placed a finger on his lips. “Don’t put me on a pedestal.”
His lips opened under her finger, but before he could speak, a soft knock at the door interrupted their conversation. Kai jumped out of bed. “I can’t be found here. It could ruin your reputation.”
Esther laughed. “It’s probably just my maid. Besides, I’m not a girl fresh out of the schoolroom. I’m a widow of a certain age, and an invalid. Who is going to suspect me, or even believe me capable of misbehaving?” She smirked. “If you are found in my room in the morning, they are more likely to assume I fell ill during the night and needed medical attention.”
He laughed as he finished fixing his clothes and crossed the room to open the door. “And how wrong they would be. I know you are fully capable of misbehaving.”
At least the morning caller—one of the inn’s maids—had brought the news she anxiously awaited. A letter from Elizabeth had arrived, and as requested, the hotel had sent it to her immediately.
Esther almost ripped the paper in her haste to read her daughter’s words. She read the entire missive. Then, with eyes that prickled as they became flooded, read it again for good measure.
Wang was at her side in a thrice. “What is it,Xiao Lù? Bad news? Is your daughter well?”
She smiled through her tears to reassure him. “Everything is fine. Elizabeth explains they are planning to cut the season short and retire to the country because of Abigail’s pregnancy. And she says she will miss me, but if there’s any hope I could get better, I should pursue it to the ends of the earth if need be. She encourages me to go to New York and promises to write often.” Esther held the letter against her chest. “My darling daughter. She has a heart of gold.”
“Takes after her mother.” He smiled, wiping a tear from her cheek. “Shall I purchase the tickets, then?”
Her gaze flew to him. This was it. Time to make a decision. There were no more excuses. Either she embarked on this voyage and took a chance at healing, or she remained where she was and accepted a partial recovery.
She nodded her head. “Yes, buy the tickets.”
“Excellent. I’m going to go out immediately to talk to the agent.” He jumped up to finish dressing. “There were only two first class suites left available on the ship, and I’d like to get them.”
“Wait!” she called after him.
First class suites were expensive. Even she knew that. She couldn’t expect him to pay for the trip. Could he even afford that? She had funds now, thanks to the settlement Colin had given her as his father’s widow. But how to approach the subject of money?
If she mentioned paying him now, after they had become lovers, would he be offended? Knowing his innate dignity, most likely. How did one navigate these tricky situations? With a regular doctor, the fee was paid, and that was the end of it. But he was more than a doctor, wasn’t he? He was her friend, her lover. And now the man offered to take her across the Atlantic, host her in his home in New York. Even act as her lady’s maid if needed… Was she taking advantage?
She offered a small smile. “I’ll pay for the ship’s tickets…”
“Don’t worry about that. I’ll take care of all the travel expenses,” he said while buttoning his waistcoat.
