“I’m sorry, Livvy. I didn’t mean any of that. I’m just...” He trailed off as words failed him. He was what? Devastated? That sounded so pathetic. He must be strong. For her, at least, if not for his own pride.
She started to say something, probably something scathing. But then the fight seemed to leave her. She looked deflated, as unbearably sad as he felt. And when she finally spoke, her words were the last he expected to hear.
“I love you.”
His breath froze in his throat as a raw emotion rolled through him. With a few quick strides, he crossed the space between them, taking her in his arms, holding her tight.
“I do. So much it hurts.” She spoke the words against his chest, as if she were speaking directly to his heart.
And his heart responded without his permission. “I love you too. I’m completely, irrevocably in love with you. Please forgive me. I’m going mad.”
“I don’t know if saying it makes things worse. I still have to go.” She looked at him with an apology in her eyes.
“I know.”
“But I had to say it. Because the truth of it is so big it burst out of my heart. I couldn’t contain it any longer.”
“I think it’s better that we said it.” He cupped her cheek, wiping away a stray tear with his thumb. “Even if it changes nothing. What is the point in keeping what we feel from each other? It wouldn’t have made it any less true, or the separation any less painful. In fact, I think it might be the opposite. Knowing that you love me too is like a balm to my heart. The idea that you didn’t love me as much as I love you was eating my soul. Now at least that burden has been lifted.”
“For me too.” Her hand came up on top of his as it rested on her cheek, and she turned her head into his palm to deposit a kiss that scalded his soul. “I thought you were still in love with Eloise. That you could never love me the way you love her.”
“Oh, my darling love, no. Eloise is in the past. What I feel for you is a hundred times stronger than what I ever felt for Eloise.” What an idiot he had been. Keeping his feelings from her.
She dropped her gaze. “I didn’t know. I thought she was your true love, and I was just... available.”
“Just like it happened with that idiot husband of yours?”
Her gaze snapped back to his, surprised by his perception.
“What? You didn’t think I would realize that’s what hurt you the most?” He couldn’t stand that this beautiful, sweet, loving woman could doubt for a second that she deserved to be loved passionately.
“Livvy, you are extraordinary. Don’ allow anyone to make you their second choice. You should always be the first, the only. In the future, never settle for anything less.” It tortured him to say those words. The mere idea of Livvy being loved by another man made him want to howl and cry, ‘mine!’
But they had to part. He wouldn’t be there in her future to love her the way she deserved, and he genuinely wanted her to be happy. He hoped she would find someone who loved her the way she deserved. Although no one would love her as much as he did.
“I don’t want anything less, or anybody else.” She echoed his thoughts. “I only want you. I’ll never find someone I can love as much as I love you.” She leaned up and kissed his lips tenderly, desperately. He clung to her with just as much fervor.
She pushed out of the kiss, looked at him with blazing eyes. “Come with me. Please?”
The plea was so unexpected that it momentarily rocked him back. They had always talked about her staying or leaving, but never about the possibility of him going with her. He had never contemplated it, and now that he thought about it, he realized why.
He was the Duke of Avondale. It was his identity. This was his place, his birthright. His position was like an anchor. Taking care of his heritage was his purpose in life. He handled the livelihood of thousands of people that he employed in his estates and various businesses. He belonged here. Could he leave it all to follow her? And be what?
It wasn’t simply a matter of material possessions and responsibilities. Who would he be in her world? He wouldn’t have an identity, quite literally. She had marveled at how he was able to create an identity for her here, and had confessed that in her time it wasn’t nearly as easy, that the government kept a much stricter control on citizens and it was virtually impossible to create an identity out of thin air. It was, in fact, illegal to do so. He could end up in jail for trying something like that. So could she for being an accomplice.
Besides that insurmountable problem; how would he support himself and her in a place where he didn’t know how anything worked? He would have nothing. Be nothing. Worse than a beggar. He could not live like a dependent of hers. Soon she would come to resent him, and honestly, he would have no self respect left.
He had been silent for a few seconds while pondering this, and Livvy was looking at him expectantly. He could see how the little bit of hope that had sparked in her eyes faded as she correctly interpreted his expression.
“Livvy, my love,” he said slowly, sadly because he hated to dash her hopes. “There’s nothing in the world I want more than to be with you. But I hope you understand why me going to your time is not feasible. Who would I be in your time? How would I go about obtaining an identity? What do I know of how things are done, the machines you use? I would be more helpless than a baby. I can’t do it. I wouldn’t be myself.”
He would give up all his material possessions for her, but if he also lost himself, then who would be left to love her?
