Fae has the most expressive face, so when she screws it up in disgust, she looks like a meme. “Theycame into yourhouse?”she shrieks.
“Oh, no…” She’s thrown me off, because thatwouldhave been way worse.
“No, they just like, went into my garage, I guess…”
She purses her lips. “Okay, so still trespassing, but less…”
“Yeah, less.”
“Do you think all this could be a surprise? Like from your parents or something?”
I pause, frowning. Because… maybe it could? I don’t remember if I ever logged into my Amazon on their internet, but I probably did. And theycouldhave paid someone to do my lights… as a surprise… overnight…
“Did I mention they put up my lights in the dark?”
“While you weresleeping??”
“While I was sleeping… like ten feet away.”
“Okay, well, I was prepared to say, ‘oh it’s just someone being nice,’ but nighttime lights installation is fucked.”
“Damn.” I halfheartedly stab a piece of limp spinach and a mozzarella ball.
“Yeah, damn is right…” she lets it hang for a moment before continuing. “So what are you going to do about it, dude?”
“I don’t really know… my neighbor guy set up some trail cams to try to catch them?”
“Oh, that was nice of him… have you seen anything?”
“I mean, I haven’t heard anything yet, so I assume not?”
“Huh?”
“Well, he said if he saw anything that he’d let me know…” As soon as I say it, I feel stupid. “It’s hooked up to his stuff.”
“No. Nope, nope, I don’t like that.” Fae is shaking her head and stabbing her fork into her pasta like it might hurt Tom through the internet.
“I guess it is kind of weird that I don’t have the feed, huh?” My stomach hits the floor because I feel so dumb.
“Did heofferto put them up for you after you boughtthem or…” she trails off, and I can already tell from the way she’s squinting that she’s not gonna like the answer.
“He bought them after I told him what was going on… he’s a nice guy, just a little overly neighborly.”
“Overly neighborly?” she squeals. “Dude,he’syour stalker!”
“That’s whatIthought!” I scream. “But no, he was out of town!”
“For real?”
“I saw the boarding pass and everything.”
“Damn. I was ready to call the cops on that motherfucker and have this done with.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Okay, well I know we are the same age, but I’m going full mom on your ass.” Fae crosses her arms and leans closer to her camera. “Tomorrow, you are gonna march your little booty?—”
“Big booty,” I interrupt.
