‘Why?’ I asked, almost breathless and still not quite believing,wanting to find any reason for it not to be true. My heart begged him to give me an excuse—any excuse. To tell me he had been working as a double agent, trying to feed me information from Morgad. I was desperate; I knew this was not a move any of my people would make without my knowledge.
‘Why not?’ He chuckled smugly as I struggled to remain composed while anger flared within me at his petulant tone. All of my emotions visible—as they always had been in this man’s presence.
‘Visarous, was it all a lie? Why would you do this to me?’ I asked, almost pleadingly. I felt lost at the revelation. I had been so angry up until I saw him, and now I was nothing but hurt. I was the broken girl I always found myself to be in his arms when I sought his comfort. Visarous laughed manically and I couldn’t help but flinch at the coldness that rippled off of him. He was detached in a way I had never seen from him before.
‘I never loved you. I used you. In fact, I could not stand you. Broken, emotional little girl, it made me sick that you had all this power, yet all you craved was to be loved and adored. It was pathetic, but it was easy to take advantage and insert myself into your damaged little heart, blinding you to what was in front of you all along. I must admit, you were a good fuck—a great fuck even—but you were never more than a means to an end for me,’ he spat.
My chest heaved as my breathing became shallow, fighting the panic that surged within me until it slowly morphed into piercing anger. ‘Why?’ I gritted out through clenched teeth.
‘Did you know my father worked for King Sebastian all those years he stood by your mother’s side? I was merely taking up the family business,’ he mocked.
‘Why?’ I gritted out once more shocked by the revelation but refusing to show anymore emotion.
‘My father was motivated by pure greed—he wanted what King Sebastian had promised him: all of Maureia. I was motivated by jealousy—you took my sister from me. She is my twin.We had no mother, and once we lost our father, I had no one… all because you took her from me. So I wanted to take what was important from you, leaving you just as alone and deprived of love as I was. So I promised my father when he died. I promised him I would do what he could not and bring this land to its knees. It wasn’t until you took the throne that my resolve hardened. How could I watch such a weak and desperate little girl rule? You are not worthy of your crown. I am though. I have what it truly takes to lead this realm into a new dynasty, and King Sebastian sees it.’
‘You wanted my throne? You thought King Sebastian would do what? Hand it to you on a silver platter for being a good little bitch, running back and forth to him all of these years? You’re the pathetic one if you bought his lies. What of your sister, Visarous? What about Viv? How could you do this to her?’
He shrugged, barely acknowledging what I had said. ‘She chose you; over and over again in our lives, you came first to her. She chose friendship over family and blood. My father was ashamed of her, and I must say I share the sentiment now. She’s an embarrassment to our name and the moment she started sleeping with that Cazinian scum I knew she was lost.’
Rage consumed me. ‘You’re disgusting,’ I spat. ‘What have you told King Sebastian? What are his plans?’
‘Ah, now the specifics I cannot tell. King Sebastian is quite the paranoid business partner. He had my tongue bound with black magic from sharing either of those things. Should I even consider telling you? The magic will kill me. So no, I will not be answering you. Torture me if you would like; I will not break. I have been through worse at the hands of my father in preparation for a day like this. So just assume it is everything from the way your back arches as I thrust inside you deeply to the way your face looks streaked in tears. Not one moment in these walls with you was truly private.’ The flames remained steady and indicated that he was telling the truth. There would be no point in chaining him to the table outside and carving into his flesh asidefrom pure satisfaction, he would not break and if he did the dark magic would claim him before he could even open his mouth.
‘Was it all truly a lie?’ I asked, barely looking at him as I immersed myself in our memories as children at the Academy and in every stolen moment within these castle walls since.
‘Yes. I have never felt anything for you. No one ever could,’ he said with certainty and calmness. I felt like I had been struck across the face as those words nestled into me, transforming from piercing ice to a raging fire.
‘How fucking could you?!’ I screamed launching myself at him. I slammed my fists into him one after the other until his nose was pouring blood. He could not fight as the chains kept his wrists firmly behind his back. With every blow to his body and that face I once found comfort in, he began to laugh—a sickening and delirious laugh, as though this was what he had been waiting for all along.
‘I may not be alive to see these lands brought to their knees, but at least I brought you to yours. Having your lips around my cock in that temple. That’s when I knew just how fucked up you were, and you call yourself Queen. How could anyone love or want someone so broken? You’re nothing. You’re worthless and soon everyone will see you for what you are.’
I stood over him, my chest heaving with fury, as he threw his head back, laughing at me—at how close I bordered on insanity in that moment, losing myself to the rage from the deception and betrayal. My hands gripped the collar of his shirt as I began to shake, my whole body vibrating with rage. How could I have been so stupid? So blind? I had kneeled at his feet; I had pleasured him. I wanted to vomit. I hated myself more than I hated him. I had no one to blame but myself. He was right. I felt so alone and desperate in this world that I clung to him like a lifeline, allowing him to become my escape—one I trusted.
‘I trusted you,’ I ground out, trying not to let my voice break.
‘Well, that was stupid wasn’t it? As if you haven’t learnt bynow that in this life, you cannot trust anyone, Skylar. No one, not even yourself.’ He smirked.
Not being able to look at the snide and cold Visarous, who was a stranger to me, I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself to calm.
The anger that had been reverberating through me swallowed me whole. My whole body buzzed with rage, numbing me. I no longer felt Visarous in my hands, but I knew I was still clutching him. I couldn’t hear anything over my rapid breathing and blood rushing through my ears. I felt hot; I was sweating and panting. Then Visarous broke through the fog of my mind, his screams of panic and pain pulling me back as my eyes opened. I looked at him; fear was on his face. I barely registered my hands; they were consumed by blue flames as I looked down. All of me was aflame, but it did not hurt. It felt warm and calming. It was as if the pressure had been released from my body, the rage finding an escape before it pushed me over the edge. While Visarous panicked and shrieked from the burns that seemed to be causing him immeasurable pain, I looked at us indifferently in that moment. I felt removed; my body was doing something I had no control over, as if the flames had taken hold and I was merely a bystander.
Slowly, the flames dimmed as I became more aware of the room and my surroundings, becoming grounded. I stood and stepped away as I watched Visarous convulse in pain gasping for air through the searing agony of the burns that had melted parts of his clothes into his flesh. Visarous was the person I would have gone to ask about what had just happened to me, about the flame that lived within me, but his shocked and terrified expression was enough to tell me he had not heard a single old wives’ tale or read anything that could explain what had just occurred. Using whatever had just happened to my advantage, I tried one more time.
‘Tell me what I want to know.’
‘No,’ he gasped out through a strangled cry. He feared the dark magic more than he feared me.
Still feeling numb, I retreated from the dungeon to wash away the ache in my heart.
The bathhouse wasa room with arched ceilings made of stone and row after row of different baths at varying temperatures. My favourite was the hottest one in the far-left corner. I had the staff pour in lavender oil to calm me when I needed it most, but right now, drowning it in the oil still would not be enough to douse my nerves. I sat there, unable to comprehend what had just happened.
Visarous’ betrayal. How had I not seen it before? How had the flame not shown me the truth? As I sat there analysing every conversation and interaction I had ever had with him, I realised that today, in his cell, was the first time the flames had ever truly been quiet around him. There had always been a base level of thrumming around him, but I had assumed that was due to his attempts to hide his true feelings for me. I thought it was because he loved me and was always holding back. My stomach rolled as I sank deeper into the water, submerging myself beneath it. How could I have been so blind? He was right; I was desperate and easy to take advantage of.
It felt like divine punishment. The moment I decided to open myself up, trust more, and put my past behind me, the Gods and the spirits above decided to crush me. Telling me just how useless those thoughts were. This is what happens when you trust people, go easy on them, and allow them to get too close. Sienna was mistaken about what I needed. It may have worked for her, but that was no way for me to live, not in the position I was in. There was no room for weakness or cracks to form in my armour. I had to seal myself off. Ridding myself of the panic wasnot worth the risks that this way of life exposed me to. That was the sacrifice I had to make, my sanity for stability of my people.
Still submerged, I shifted my neck into gills to allow myself to breathe a while longer under the water and reflected on the fire and flames that erupted from me. That visceral anger was enthralling. It was almost akin to the feeling of the eternal flame when it first entered my body, utterly captivating. I needed to find out more about this ability, but I had no idea where to start. I would have to stop myself from becoming too angry, as I had no idea how to control it yet. I would need to get a message to Cain; he knew people in every realm, many of whom had the same affinity for consuming knowledge as he did. Perhaps someone, somewhere, would know something.
Back in my chambers, I wrote a scroll for Cain, explaining what had happened with the flame and that I needed him to find answers. I didn’t bother wasting time informing him about Visarous, as Geraldine likely already had. As if summoned, Geraldine came to my room, but I waved her off just as quickly, knowing she was only there to see if I had anything to share about my discussion with Visarous.
