‘Not long before my sister was killed, she told me you were the only other leader I could trust, the only one who would fight for the same things as us. The only ruler of these realms who had not been corrupted by power, greed and the poison of Morgad. Please tell me she was right. Please fight for me, so that we can fight together,’ she asked and for a moment I was no longer looking at Jade, but rather at Raleigh’s fiery green eyes that shone with such determination. This girl was not meek, as I had thought; no, she was clever. Biding her time until she could strike back and make it mean something.
‘For Raleigh, for our lands and for our people, I promise you. I will free you from Morgad’s grip and we will fight together the way Raleigh and I dreamed of,’ I said, squeezing her hand in reassurance. She let out a relieved sob and pulled me into a hug. I sat there as still as ice before relaxing into her arms and placing my own on her back, comforting her as sobs racked through her.
‘Meet me tomorrow morning before dawn. There is someone I need you to meet,’ I said, just as Everett burst through with Demir, blood trailing on the floor behind him. I pushed Jade off me before the others could take in the scene. Everett snarled at me, producing a most primal sound. Demir could barely raise his head from the blood loss to look at me. Jade ran to his side to begin treating his wounds. While at the Academy, every healer was bound by the wards to heal anyone injured before them, no matter their allegiance. She couldn’t have fought it if she’d tried.
I left the infirmary and went back to my room. I was slightly surprised to see Prince Acheron sitting by Viv’s bed, holding herhand, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. Visarous whirled around as soon as I closed the door.
‘Are you fucking insane?!’ he shouted. ‘How could you? There is no excuse, no matter how angry you are, what she did, or with whom!’ I stepped past him, not even acknowledging that he had spoken, before he pulled me back by my hand. ‘You will not walk away, and you will not ignore me, Skylar! What is wrong with you? How fucked up are you?!’
I looked from him back at Viv on the bed. The worst of her wounds had been healed, but she was still swollen and bruised, and I knew that every movement would cause her excruciating pain until the morning. It was a lesser healer who treated her, not an instant fix like it had been in my case.
‘You know the rules of the duel. We can only leave the arena if one of us is on the brink. We are not children anymore, Visarous,’ I spat. ‘You think this is some game where friendship trumps all? No. Our goal is what matters more, and I am Queen because I am the only person who will always remember that fact and must ensure no one else forgets it. We have an enemy that will do anything to obliterate us. Look at what he did to Raleigh and Jade. Do you think he’s not beneath doing that and so much worse to us? Trust, right now, in this battle is everything, and ours is fragmented at best, exposing us like we have never been before. What they did to Voldina would be child’s play compared to what they could do to us now in our sorry state. The moment you deceive me, no matter your intentions, he wins. Do you know why your sister is lying there so broken? Because she knows this is true. Do you really think Viv could not have taken better care of herself on the field? She chose this. She knew the cost of her actions, and understood it had to be paid for us to have any chance of moving forward and the next time you think of grabbing me like that again I will slice every last one of your fingers off.’
Visarous couldn’t think of anything to say in response, but it was Viv who spoke next. She tried to sit up, but the pain was toogreat. Acheron supported her so that she could lean against his strength.
‘Thank you for the blood oath,’ she said, glancing into Acheron’s eyes. He looked at her with such adoration. She turned to me. ‘Thank you for not making me choose and for accepting him. I know what this means to you. I know how this hurts you and how I have hurt you, so thank you,’ she said, tears welling in her eyes. I stepped towards her and embraced her gently, careful of her still healing wounds. She whispered into my shoulder, ‘Thank you, thank you so much, Sky. You don’t understand what you have done for me.’
Acheron nodded in agreement before turning to me. ‘I need to thank you as well. For seeing what we mean to one another and allowing us to be even if we deceived you, I know what my father and any other ruler would have done, and they would not have afforded us this kindness, this chance. You play the villain well; you even had me convinced of your brutality. All those years when Vivianna told me you were different, I didn’t believe her. I thought she was blinded by loyalty. But you have put me to shame. After this, even if I were not oath bound, I would still stand with you. Thank you.’ He inclined his head towards me in acknowledgement.
‘How can you sit here and thank her after what she did today?!’ Visarous screamed at the couple.
I whirled on him in an instant. ‘Would you rather I exiled her? Stripped of her titles and land? Executed her? That is what was required of me. When our people and the noble families catch wind of what happened today, that is the question they will ask me. “Why spare her? Why keep her close? How can you trust her?” This moment of mercy is enough to shatter my reputation; it is enough to undermine my authority and my rule. I took a very big risk in what I did today. Your sister being temporarily bloody and bruised is a very small price to pay. Be grateful, Visarous, for if we were not on warded grounds, therules of that duel would have been very different, and we both know what the outcome would have been.’
His anger faded as his body relaxed. He knew I was right. His need to protect his sister overwhelmed his common sense and the lines of authority that were already blurred between us.
‘Visarous, find somewhere else to sleep tonight. I will do the same. Let Acheron lick her wounds tonight.’ The tears Viv had been holding back suddenly spilled over. Acheron looked at me in complete disbelief. I was a stranger standing before him. I barely recognised myself; perhaps years of Sienna trying to heal my mind had finally broken something. I thought that if I were backed into a corner I would kill, I would isolate, I would hurt, but here I was, desperately clutching to those around me—pathetic.
I was tired and sore and needed a shower before I found another place to sleep tonight. I scrubbed away all the blood and dirt and stood there soaking in the water, which was far too hot. I didn’t think a single thought. My mind was far too fatigued to do so.
By the time I was done, Visarous was gone, and Acheron had pushed my bed next to Viv’s as they slept with their foreheads pressed together. It made me gag, but my heart clenched.
Fourteen
Not knowing where to go, I went to the observatory in the west tower. It spiralled so high that it sat above the clouds. The walk was long and difficult, but as every step grew harder, my mind became clearer. I sat in the centre of the tower, staring out at the clear sky. The stars never shone brighter than they did after a heavy rain. What felt like hours had passed as I sat on that cold stone floor, looking out at the sky through the large arched windows that covered every wall. I rested against the looking glass in the center of the room, which allowed me to see the stars in greater detail.
There was some bedding off to the side, beneath one of the windows. Other students would stay here all night during celestial events. There was a small desk with a wooden chair, and bookshelves lined the rest of the walls. By the second window was an empty birdcage. One of the messenger crows was likely flying through the realms right now; perhaps it was the one Demir had used to send one of the messages that Cain had not been able to intercept.
Standing, I took a deep breath, pulling myself from my reverie. Placing my hands on the stone edge of the window, I breathed in the cold night air. As I looked out at the world, Isaw nothing but mountaintops emerging from the clouds. It looked so peaceful up here, a world of its own. I wondered if the first dragons felt like this amongst the stars. Gone were the politics and the pressure. It was just me alone with my thoughts. Sometimes, that was exactly what I needed, but tonight it stirred something deeper within me.
I replayed everything that happened over the last few days and wanted to scream until I could no longer utter a single sound. Who had I become? The Awakening with Sienna had shown me why I had become this mess of a person. Conflicted and cruel, needing vengeance and blood. But some deep baser part of me craved more and it was only now that I was seeing it. Only now do I realise how desperate I was not to be alone, that I clung to those I should have been cutting loose. I had always thought I had no other choice and that the people around me were merely tools to bend to my will and command, but now I realised I had been lying to myself. I needed them more than they needed me, and it was terrifying.
I threw away every principle I had to cling to Viv. I had chased, actually run after, Visarous last night. The idea of Cain flying through Morgadian lands and being hurt, or worse, captured and killed, made me so petrified that I prioritised his safety and my need to have him close over his duties and responsibilities. Yes, I needed Jade in this war, but deeper than that, I wanted another ally—another friend. Perhaps that is why I bound Acheron to myself. I could justify it all and had believed my own lies until this moment when I was confronted by silence and couldn’t distract myself from the truth. Whatever Sienna had unravelled in me was working, and something in me was Awakening to the truth. I had used the flame to reveal the truth in the words of those around me for so long that I tuned it out when I spoke and thought for myself. Perhaps I simply became accustomed to the feeling of it rippling through me with every lie I told myself, until eventually, I stopped feeling anything at all.
Before I could even comprehend what was happening, my breathing turned rapid. I gripped the windowsill tighter, leaning against it to steady myself as I swayed. My blood pulsed through my body; I felt the rush of it in my ears, drowning out the world around me. I gasped for air, each breath feeling shallower and shallower. I tried to fill each corner of my lungs, but they remained empty. The edges of my vision started to turn black, slowly consuming everything I saw. My arms and legs began to tingle with a million pinpricks before they turned numb. I could barely stand or hold on anymore as cold sweat drenched my body. I was shaking; every fibre of my being shivered as if I were freezing. I tried to speak, but nothing came out. I couldn’t form a single sound other than gasping breaths, struggling to breathe and feeling as though I was drowning in water. I crumbled to the ground, no longer able to hold myself up.
The darkness was coming. The twisted black poison that consumed me threatened to overwhelm me. I was sinking deeper and deeper into this pit, and there was no way out. I thought my heart would stop; that this would be the moment I died. The panic had won, and there was no pulling myself back to reality. Every bad memory and every negative thought played through my mind until I was engulfed in a sea of anguish. Every regret bubbled to the surface of my mind, and shame flooded over me. Guilt destroyed me. The self-loathing ruined me. The darkness won, and for a moment, the world turned black. Just as I heard a voice in the distance shouting for me.
‘Wake up! Wake up!’ I was still pinned underneath the surface of the darkness as my senses started slowly coming back to me. I felt warm hands grab me and pull me into nothing but warmth. Holding me tightly, shaking me lightly trying to wake me. A hand moved to my face, desperately pushing my hair out of the way so they could see me, begging me to wake. But I couldn’t yet see them. The darkness not shaking its hold on me.
A forehead leaned against mine as they clasped my face. ‘Please wake up, wake up, please, darling, wake up,’ the voice pleaded with me.Please, please, please!
I recognised that voice. My eyes slowly opened to see Demir holding me, his eyes closed tightly as if he were pained by the state I was in, or perhaps by the pain from the wounds I had given him, which were still healing. It took my hazy mind a minute to remember it had been Jade that healed him so whatever this anguish he bore was not physical.
I tried to pull myself away, and his eyes opened instantly. Relief flooding his features.She’s okay, she’s going to be okay.
‘I’m fine,’ I said, barely audible as I still fought to gain control over my body.
Instead of letting go, his grip on me tightened. ‘What was that?’ he asked, his steel-edged voice demanding an answer.
