“Cam and I aren’t giving up our respective plans to be together.”
“You and Cam are different. Love is for people like you.”
She smiles. “You’re a force of nature, Jade, but I just dare you to try and stop love.”
“You only prove my point about you being different. You think love is the showstopper, but even if I was in love with him, it wouldn’t change a thing. Football is always going to come first for Reeve. And I’m not going to sacrifice my plans for a relationship that’ll eventually die out like they all do.”
Lenni sighs in exasperation. “What do you call the opposite of a hopeless romantic?”
“Hmm. A hopeful realist?”
“More like a loveless grinch.” She smiles and sits back. “But have it your way. Keep on living your lies and keep on fighting the one thing that makes you happy.”
I wave her off and head for the kitchen, then open the fridge, but by the time I do, I’ve forgotten what I was looking for. Is Lenni right that I’m fighting the one thing that makes me happy?
Technically, I guess so. Reeve—his kiss, his touch, just his presence—is my only source of joy right now, and I’m definitely working to downplay that. And Lenni is well versed in how it feels to fall in love.
But the thing is, I’m not trying to experience love. I don’t want to. I want to learn how to be happy without it. Without him.
TWENTY-EIGHT
jade
My heels click-clackon the sidewalk as I turn onto Reeve’s street Friday evening, the sinking sun casting an exaggerated shadow off to my left and making my stilettos look comically high. I love an excuse to wear heels. I love the way my legs look in them. I love the sound they make as I walk. I love the way I feel like an actual grown woman with her shit together the second I step into a pair. And I love the fantasy that keeps playing in my head of sinking my stiletto heels into Reeve’s back.
Showing up without asking first feels vaguely forbidden, but I tell myself it’s okay. Reeve said “no rules.” And I need it to be okay because I can’t stand the way I’ve felt myself spinning out of control since we slept together two nights ago.
I straighten my skirt as I approach his house. A little surge of anxiety hits me to realize how disappointed I’m going to be if he’s not home. I’m not supposed to feel?—
“Jade?”
I’m crossing his driveway when I hear his voice, but when I look up at the house, Reeve’s not there.
“Back here,” he calls.
I turn and spot him in the old garage at the end of the driveway, one hand leaning against the door of his Bronco, one hand on his hip. The hood of his car is up and he’s shirtless and, well, the entire scene is so sexy—in a cheesy porno way—I forget I’m supposed to be a confident, badass, high-heeled babe and just stand there for a second to gape.
“You gonna walk over here or did you swing by to see some other dude?” he finally says.
I blink and shake myself out of my stupor. “To see some other dude, but I seem to have forgotten his name.” I walk up the driveway toward the garage, absolutely reveling in the way Reeve stares at my legs.
When I reach him, he drags his gaze slowly from my feet to my eyes. “I didn’t know you were coming over. And I definitely didn’t know you’d be wearing a skirt and heels.”
“Thought I’d surprise you.”
Something dances in his eyes, and I think it’s excitement I’m here, but it could just as well be him wondering how he’s going to get himself out of trouble. It’s hard to tell with Reeve. “And you did.” His gaze skims over me, pausing at my hair. “You went back to pink.”
“The maroon was just temporary.” Does he like pink on me? I refuse to ask, but I can’t help searching his eyes for an answer.
He nods toward the back of the garage and turns, retreating deeper inside. His muscled back gleams with sweat.
I follow him, staring at his body and dragging one fingertip along the side of the Bronco because even though no one is supposed to touch it, I think I’ve earned the right.
He grabs a threadbare towel off the table against the far wall and turns to me, carefully wiping his hands. I leave my fingertip just outside the open hood of the car. When he notices, he lifts his chin and challenges me with a cocky smile.When I don’t move, he smacks my hand with the towel. “You know the rule.”
“Even now? Just one finger?”
“Not without permission.”
