I was never able to make my father proud. But most of that is attributed to me not being a man, I think. No matter what I achieved, it would be deemed worthless to him unless I had a fucking penis. It makes me wonder if he would’ve turned me in so readily like he did if I was his son and not his daughter. I doubt he would’ve done it to Reed if our places were switched.
Cameron nods. “He was. He introduced me to a terrible world, one I unfortunately fit quite well in.” He flashes me a wry grin, so I offer a small one in return. “This trial was also my second one. I teamed up with some pricks who were going to try to use me like a shield and carry my carcass over the finish line. We didn’t know that there were two squads working together. They had us surrounded on the last day. I got away with a bullet to the arm and half my throat slit.”
I wince. “That’s awful.”
He chuckles. “It’s hard to remember the pain, but I know I felt it then. It was agonizing, but my anger for them using my body to protect their own lit a dark fire in my heart, Em. It stirred up something evil within me. I tied ropes to their anklesand hauled all four of their dead bodies to the beacon.Iwas the only survivor of our group.” His eyes are hard and distant.
Oh fuck.Maybe I shouldn’t have let that guy go. I worry my lower lip. I didn’t think someone would be capable of carrying their whole squad.
Cameron takes a deep breath and glances at me from the side. “I know you let the last one go.”
I flinch. Well shit, I’m caught. No sense in lying. “How did you know?” I say quietly. Shame flushes across my cheeks, and I wish I’d just killed him.
“Your knife is clean, love. I have eyesanda brain.”
My lips press firmly together as I glance down. Looks like the ivory blade wasn’t such a great idea after all.
“He begged…and I didn’t think he was going to be a problem for us.”
“I’m just curious why? You wouldn’t have done something like that before, you know, as the executioner.” He seems genuinely interested in knowing why.
I let my shoulders drop. “That was the skin I was forced into…and while I can’t change who I’ve become or what I’ve done, I can be a bit more of myself again. I didn’t think letting him go would cause a problem.” Is the only way forward heartlessness? Reed would say a resounding “yes.”
Cameron stops and turns my shoulder so I’m facing him. He’s not manic anymore, he’s back to calm and collected Cam—the broken soldier I unfortunately really care about.
“Do you think he would’ve done the same for you?” he asks honestly.
I don’t need to think about it. “No.”
“It’s you or them, Emery. There is no in between. There is no middle ground. If they aren’t on your immediate squad, you need to choose you and your own first. Always. I know it’s different from what you’re used to from the family. Being given aname and target is easy. There’s someone telling you what to do, so you do it. But out here, you need to know that they’ll eat you alive if you give them the chance.”
He sets his hand on my helmet and tilts my head up so I’m looking at him. All I see in him is sadness and longing. It hurts to look at, so I jerk my head back down.I won’t let the shit he said earlier slide that easy.
“I get it,” I retort.
“Do you? This is serious,” he doubles down.
“I know it is!”
“Then stop being so childish. And stop accepting things from people you don’t know well.” Cameron reaches for my combat knife and takes it from the hilt. I try to catch his hand as he retrieves it, but he swats it away. “Poison is a terrible idea to have on your blade.”
He scoops up a handful of snow and rubs away the streak of red from the knife. When he’s done, he hands it back to me. I want to object and argue with him, but considering the fact that his knife was just lodged deep in his thigh, I relent.
“If I had allowed that sketchy kid to rub poison on my knife, I’d be dead right now.” He turns away from me.
Well, I feel thoroughly wrung out. I walk beside him as we make our way back to the camp.
Damian is pretty shaken up from being shot in the chest three times. He’s lucky he was wearing an upgraded vest. The standard ones we had in the first trial wouldn’t have held up against the point-blank shots. Thank God I told him and Bree about them; otherwise he would be dead, and we’d be stuck carrying his body for two days.
Bryce seems unfazed by the whole ordeal and made a few of his poison traps while Cameron and I were chasing down the remaining squad members. He lays them out and brushes snow over them so they’re completely hidden.
Cameron makes a pointed look my way, as if sayingSketchy, don’t you think?before leading us down a steep slope toward the eastern mountains. I watch Bryce as he walks a few beats behind Bree. He’s concerningly calm after the surprise attack, considering the rest of us seem shaken up, besides Cameron.There is something different about him.Though I’m not sure it’s enough to think he has ill intent. We’re all a bit quirky.
The green beacon isn’t visible during the day, but dead east is where it was last night, so that’s the direction where we go. The sun does nothing to help warm us. I’m so cold that I have to fist my hands inside my gloves to warm my fingers up every thirty minutes.
Gunshots ring out occasionally and travel through the air in waves, but luckily we don’t cross paths with anyone else throughout the day.
As the sun begins to set, Cameron finds a cave in the mountainside. It’s not like the caves you see in movies where the ground is flat and basically perfect for camping; it’s littered with sharp-edged rocks at the base, and a small stream bends through the crevices. Drops of liquid drip from the stalactites above,tickingon our helmets as we carefully traverse the cave. Light has never known this place. We each have a dull green glow stick around our necks at least, so it’s not a shot in the dark. Four remain in my pocket, and I plan on using them sparingly.
