“You’ve always conceded to them.”
“I have not.”
“You’ve always done exactly what they asked of you, whether or not you wanted to. You chose your major because of what they wanted for you. You won’t date like you want to because it isn’t the certain type of person they want you with. You went to a school and are still close to home because they didn’t want to let you go,” I told her, one after another. “You’ve wanted to live this grand college life, and yet you keep just doing what everyone else wants, so they can step all over you. You don’t even realize it. Your parents or aunts probably even arranged whatever it is between you and the guy you’ve been messaging and trying to keep all hush-hush.”
Vadika’s lips parted with hesitance. “I didn’t tell you about him.”
“You don’t tell me a lot of things anymore because you’re so scared of not fitting what everyone else wants for you,” I said. “Your parents, your aunts, me, college boards. I hope you don’t give it up to be some guy’s housewife next.”
Pressing her lips back together, Vadika nodded as she looked around the space. She gave small, distinct nods to each thing said. “Wow. I really didn’t think you saw me that way.”
Shutting my eyes, I replayed my words. I flinched, putting a hand up to the side of my face. That wasn’t how I’d meant to say those things. “I don’t.”
“Obviously, you do. Good to know right before I leave and take on the biggest moments of my college career.”
“What do you mean, leave?”
“I’m graduating early.”
“In the winter?” I asked.
“My program wants me by the end of January,” Vadika confirmed, barely looking at me.
“Why didn’t you tell me this?” That was fantastic. I’d expected no less, and yet her words were cold. “So, what is going on here? Did you think I wouldn’t find out? That you would just disappear on me and that would be okay? I’m asking you for five minutes here, Vadika. I’ve been by your side this whole time, and you’ve never once stood by mine.”
She ignored that. Just like she ignored me most of the time and my problems and my little coven that meant the world to me, compared to her grand and sparkly life, all taken care of for her. I always let all the little things go.
But how long ago had she already let me go?
“Who would’ve thought that my best friend was also one of those people just walking all over me like a doormat, as you put it?”
“I didn’t say that last part.”
A fresh wave of hurt crossed Vadika’s face anyway. “I want you to leave.”
“Vadika.”
“No. I might give in to what a lot of people want for me, but I don’t want you here, Lu. I thought you were my friend and supported me.”
“I do support you.”
Or had she forgotten the hours of time I spent with her quietly so that she could work in the lab? Did she forget everything I did for her so that she could focus on what was important to her?
“If you did, you’d know that I love what I do. Here, in there”—she pointed back toward the room she’d left—“people think I’m astonishing. They think my work is groundbreaking and better than everyone else’s, especially half these other students here in Barnett that can’t even figure out what they want to do with their lives.”
A Barnett student like me.
“So, now, you’re saying, all this time, you’ve believed you are better than me?” I stammered.
“I’m telling you that I love the choices I’ve made even if I feel a bit trapped by them sometimes. At least I let myself make them.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Neither are you,” she snapped, looking around so that I wouldn’t notice the glaze coating her dark eyes. “You’re picking a fight when I’m clearly done with them. Where’s Ryan, by the way? Did you finally scare him off, or can you still not make up your mind about if you’re actually willing to like him?”
“If you had been around more this year—if you cared how much I’ve been your friend, no matter how busy you always are for me—you’d know that I did actually love him. I do. And I wanted to tell him.”
But she was right. I’d pushed him away. He was gone.
