‘Oh God, no, Hilda,’ said Julia firmly. ‘By the time we got a wedding arranged, my stomach would be like the .?.?. what do you call it .?.?. the advance party arriving in the door of the registry office. I don’t want to look like an escaped elephant in a wedding dress.’
‘Registry office .?.?.’ echoed Mum faintly.
‘I know from experience,’ Julia went on. ‘Do one thing at a time and do it well.’
‘Exactly!’ said Damo, taking her hand with such a loving look that Ally couldn’t help but melt a little. At least there was someone in the world who was getting the love thing right, even if it wasn’t herself.
‘Congratulations!’ pronounced Dad, as he got to his feet. ‘Atoast to the new family-members-to-be!’ His enthusiasm was wholehearted.
Fair play to Julia, she’d the balls to come straight out and live her life unapologetically. Ally jumped up and ran around the table to hug both of them, even if a secret part of her wanted to lock herself in the loo and bawl. Julia was only twenty-eight. Her eggs were still fresh and dewy. No wonder she could afford to be nonchalant. Mum gave her pinched little smile that indicated she was deadly serious under the faux humour.
‘I’m warning you two, I’m not letting you off without my day out.’
‘So, how about you, Ally?’ enthused Dad. ‘How’s your love life going?’
Oh God, between Maeve’s perfect four-bedroom marriage and Damo with his Gen Z partner .?.?. in the race to find Mr Right, she’d just been lapped.
‘Well, actually there is someone .?.?. at work.’
The minute it was out of her mouth, she knew it was a mistake. Telling porkies was never a good way to fix a disappointing reality. Everyone perked up – oh God, they really did want her to meet someone. She hated feeling such a disappointment. On the other hand, what she said could be true, potentially. Plus, she hadn’t specified which work.
‘Which one?’ chortled Damo, apparently reading her thoughts. ‘The one you just got kicked out of or the one you’re leaving to do Maeve’s one? Anyway, tell us about being chucked out of that cement place,’ he cheered in full Damo flight. ‘That sounds like classic Ally.’
Julia was digging him in the ribs, but he wasn’t picking up any of it.
‘Raccontaci tutto.?.?. tell us everything. Sounds hilarious.’
No point in hiding it, just spit it out at this stage. She enacted the whole email situation, moment by moment, as Damo rockedwith laughter. In fairness, he had a terrific sense of humour, especially at other people’s disasters.
‘That moment when your brain knows what’s happening, but your hand keeps going .?.?. classic! Basic neurology, of course.’
‘I’m sure we’ve all done it,’ soothed Maeve.
Ally was pretty bloody sure they hadn’t.
‘Still, stingy bastard .?.?.Sei coraggiosa!You were brave, speaking truth to power. Respect, sis.’ He gesticulated wildly with his wine glass.
‘Mind that, Damo,’ shrieked Mum. ‘Nothing gets red out.’
‘Fucker deserved it. A fiver .?.?. What does he think this is, 1975? I bet everyone was secretly delighted,’ said Damo, eliciting a ‘humph’ of agreement from Dad.
At least the whole thing was out and floating above the dining-room table, where everyone was looking at it and giving it the family treatment. Far from feeling shamed or exposed, she felt appreciated and, actually, supported. Their jokes took the sting out of it. Mum grabbed her hand, giving her a reassuring smile.
‘So, who’s this guy, then, sis?’ said Damo. Suddenly, realisation dawned on his face. ‘It’s the dude you were picking up off the floor in the pub.I knew it,’ he hollered, clapping.
‘Oh, give over, Damo,’ huffed Ally.
‘I knew it,’ he repeated, as Julia rolled her eyes.
‘Don’t mind him, darling, you know he gets like that when he’s overexcited. More gravy, anyone? It’s the Gordon Ramsay one.’
There was an awkward silence.
‘You can fuck off, the pair of you. I’m not putting up with any more of your carry-on,’ a tiny voice came from the high chair, as Luna acted out a scene between a green bean and two florets of cauliflower.
* * *
Ally excused herself and went to the kitchen to make the coffee. A moment later, she returned to find Maeve talking to the rest of the family. ‘I’ve just noticed something online .?.?. It’s a bit concerning.’ Then she read off her phone: ‘A row has broken out on social media, following video footage showing a violent incident at a city centre pub, involving off-duty members of the force among others. It appears Gardaí were called to the scene, but no arrests were made. A member of the opposition has described the incident as “disgraceful” .?.?. “How the public can have confidence in the force with such carry-on, when a blind eye is given to misdemeanours by the defence forces.” The Garda authority has declined to comment.’
