‘Oh hell, I thought it was all sorted and forgotten.’
Dad rolled his eyes. ‘Not nowadays. You can’t fart on Howth Head, but someone’s recorded it.’
‘Language, Raymondo,’ said Mum.
‘It’ll blow over,’ said Maeve. ‘It’s just some politician trying to gain a bit of traction.’
‘Maeve .?.?.’ said Mum anxiously. ‘You don’t think Hogget and Simpson would mind?’
Maeve shook her head. ‘I mean, technically no. It’s clear from the video footage that Ally is in no way responsible for the affray.’
‘And the main close-up is of her arse,’ Damo reminded them, while taking a slurp straight from the gravy boat that had been left on the table, to Mum’s mock horror.
‘What? I’m just appreciating your cooking, Mum.’ He grinned.
Maeve dismissed him. ‘However, they are a conservative firm, so perception is everything. Better to just say nothing andhopefully it’ll all be forgotten.’
Ally didn’t give a shite whether she got the job or not, but she did wish that just for once Maeve would whip off her lawyer hat and give her a bit of big-sisterly support.
* * *
On the way home in the car, her phone lit up in its holder on the dashboard. She saw William’s name, but before she could even say hi, he started gabbling, totally unlike his usual self.
‘Have you seen the news? Fergus and Ronan were interviewed by the Guards yesterday.’ He sounded frantic.
She tried to reassure him that he was quite safe, given that he’d been filmed in his peacekeeping capacity. But he seemed incapable of a regular conversation. In the end they agreed that, rather than meeting in a pub, William would call round to her flat in half an hour to process the whole situation.
Wow, she thought, a month ago this would have been her ultimate fantasy, where some dramatic twist of fate had hurled them together and they could sit, their heads close together on the sofa, bonded by drama. Funny, wasn’t it, the less pushed you were about something, the more likely it was to work out.
Bursting in the door of her flat, she whipped the damp towels off the sofa and lit a few candles left over from Halloween – ignoring the fact that they were mostly skulls and might give the impression that she was a closet satanist – which left her approximately twenty-two minutes. A quick look at herself in the long mirror confirmed that she looked dumpy – her baggy top, baggy jeans and Ugg mini boots weren’t helping.
So she pulled out a pair of three-quarter-length jeans, flat boots and a soft pink V-neck jumper, reapplied her makeup and scrunched her hair. Honestly, it was amazing the differenceeven a bit of self-care made. Maybe she wasn’t doing herself any favours turning up looking like a blob to family dinners, come to think of it.
With ten minutes left, she washed her cereal bowl from that morning and dusted the TV and aquarium – after all it was important for the fish to look their best as well. With five minutes to go, had she time to change the sheets? Terrible idea. There was absolutely no need for it, and plus, what if she was caught halfway through?
Anyway, calm the feck down, she warned herself, this was at William’s instigation, not hers. All she had to do was sit there and remain calm.
A moment later, her heart jolted at the sound of the buzzer. She made one last check in the mirror, hair tossed, not trying too hard, and channelled Jane Birkin: nonchalantly sexy.
It felt weird to see Real William standing in her hallway, considering that Fantasy William already knew the place inside out – what with watching movies together and having long conversations, he was practically living there at one stage, though admittedly not so much recently.
Real William appeared very anxious and kept checking on his bike in the hall, fearing it might get nicked, which had never occurred to Fantasy William.
‘My mother is very upset,’ he confided. ‘It’s a small town where she comes from and she’s mortified at the thought of people gossiping, and everybody knowing our business.’
Jeez, just as well he hadn’t swung any punches or headbutted anyone himself. Still, it explained his nervy energy and wiry physique, which she’d originally found so attractive but was now starting to give her a slight twitch in her right eye. He really needed to calm down a bit.
‘Come on inside, I’ve a beer in the fridge if you’d like one,’ she suggested, causing him to pause in mid flow and realise he wasstill wearing his helmet, high-vis vest and bicycle clips. Fantasy William would’ve had those whipped off long ago.
She led him into the sitting room which, she noticed with satisfaction, looked relaxed and inviting. His eyes lit up at the sight of the fish tank.
‘Nice fish,’ he said, sitting opposite them on the sofa. ‘They’ve actually equated the release of brain neurochemicals with the rhythmic movement of fish,’ he informed her gravely.
She realised that away from the pub, the office or his mates, William was actually quite shy. How had she never noticed that? Because she was trying to fill the space by talking and it had never dawned on her that he might have had some part in the awkwardness of their interactions. It was actually quite liberating to realise he was nothing like the swaggering, confident tech bro she’d imagined. He left his gear in a pile on the floor and fixed his eyes on the darting fish. A growing part of her was feeling guilty; if she and Rosemarie hadn’t deliberately crashed his regular meet-up, none of this would’ve happened. Was there something about trying to force the hand of fate that invariably ended badly? Oh well, too late now, they were all living in that version of reality. William seemed to be struggling to speak. ‘The thing is, Ally .?.?. I feel really bad, because they got themselves into trouble defending me. In a way I caused this.’
‘Oh, for God’s sake, William, you’re the last person who’s at fault in this. Fergus suggested Rosemarie was .?.?. outspoken, which she is .?.?. Then, not surprisingly, she slung a drink over him, and then – I’m still not sure how – everyone started hitting each other.’
He took a slug of beer. ‘Thanks, Ally, that’s been haunting me all weekend.’
