‘You’re an exceptional woman, you know .?.?. It’s a long time since I’ve met anyone like you.’
Cassie found herself secretly glancing around, hoping somebody would cut in, but everyone seemed to be keeping their distance.
‘Without wishing to bring the mood down, you may have heard that my wife—’
‘I did, Phil, Mam told me. I hope you don’t mind, and I am so, so sorry. I can’t imagine what that must have been like.’
He nodded gravely. ‘Who knows through what rocky terrain our paths may take us .?.?.’
‘Well, that’s certainly true. Is that a quote or did you just .?.?. make that up?’
‘Essentially .?.?. yes.’ They laughed. ‘See, that’s what I love about you, Cassie, your .?.?. lightness.’
‘Thank you.’ Oh gosh, he’d just said the L-word.
Thankfully, by now the tables were cleared away and the disco was beginning. The neighbours crowded in – even some, Cassie suspected, who hadn’t exactly been invited – and the party took off. Her ambition had been to somehow make it through the wedding without looking too much like a washed-out pair of weekday knickers, but things were starting to veer off-track. She’d completely forgotten about the dancing. Oh Lord, she couldn’t be seen to be a complete killjoy, but jigging around was pretty much guaranteed to bring on a wave of nausea. She would’ve given anything to creep home and close the door on her nice, cool, quiet bedroom. There was a glow from Eric and Mam – not euphoria, exactly, but gentle happiness, and some of it definitely pointed in their direction.
‘Excuse me, Cassie, would you like to dance?’ Philip broke in on her reverie.
It was a slow song: ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love’by Elvis. They couldn’t have picked a smoochier song if they’d tried. Mam was winking madly across the floor and Eric was unsubtly giving his speciality thumbs up.
‘Of course.’ She smiled. She could feel Phil’s arms tentatively reaching around her, and the scent of some sort of pleasant woody aftershave rising from under his collar.
‘This is a great favourite of mine. By the way, you’re looking very beautiful this evening,’ he murmured.
‘Thank you.’
‘I’ve been waiting for a chance to .?.?. talk to you.’
Her heart sank. Oh God, she just didn’t have the energy for this.
‘I wonder if maybe we could go out some time .?.?. doesn’t have to be formal .?.?. just spend some time together, away from work.’
She could feel him struggling to sound casual. ‘Aaaah .?.?.’
There was no faking it. What was wrong with her? Stupid, stupid girl who was only ever able to choose the path that would lead to unhappiness. Phil was a wonderful man, in every way. And attractive. Ramona could see that, so why couldn’t she?
But all she could feel was absence, the desperate yearning for Finn’s arms, his voice, the fact that it was his child she was carrying inside her body. She couldn’t lie to herself. Her head might try but her body insisted on telling the truth.
And if that meant going it alone, then so be it. Glancing around at the joyful, heaving dance floor, she realised she’d never felt so utterly alone. Philip could feel her reticence, but no amount of guilt or wishing things otherwise could change that. She tried to concentrate on swaying to the music but somehow it felt tense and clunky. As the song ended, she stepped back, trying to avoid the look of disappointment on his face.
‘Phil, I would love to spend time with you, but, er .?.?. as a friend. And I’m not sure that’s what you want .?.?.’ she petered out.
‘No, Cassie, it isn’t. I have to be honest.’
Her heart broke for him.
‘I’m sorry if I embarrassed you.’
‘No, you didn’t, it’s me. I’m sorry, Phil, but I’m going to have to go, I’m just not feeling too well.’
At least that was true. Suddenly terrified the dinner was going to make a second appearance, she put her head down and made for the loo, ignoring Mam’s devastated looks.
Ramona, despite not quite having her arm back to full strength, was ripping up the dance floor with her moves. She caught Cassie’s eye on the way past.
‘Hey, what’s up? You look kinda peaky. I thought you were getting cosy with the best man.’
‘Ramona, please, don’t slow me down.’ She groaned. ‘He’s all yours.’
