‘Are you crazy?’ Ramona’s parting shot echoed in her head as she wound her way through the crowd.
Mercifully, there was no queue for the loo, and she sank down onto the floor and leaned her cheek against the cool tiled wall, allowing her heaving stomach and spinning head to settle. All she could think of was her quiet bed, and leaving all the noise and expectations behind. She felt sorry for Phil, sorry for herself, sorry for Mam’s hopes.
On her way back to the table, she realised just how sober she was and everyone else decidedly wasn’t. Auntie Patricia, who’d a few gin and tonics on board, trapped her against a large speaker which was blasting out ‘Dancing Queen’ by Abba.
‘God, but aren’t you all very brave, in your little frocks. I’m only saying .?.?. And Iris in white, isn’t she gas? But look, she’s happy and he’s still got his health, for the moment, God love him, and that’s the main thing.’
There was no sign of Phil.
It was midnight by this stage, which was just about a respectable time to slip away. Trekking up the stairs to her old bedroom, she could hear the disco sounds fading into the background. She closed the door and leaned against it in relief. Alone was OK. If this was to be her fate, she could go it alone.
Just then her phone buzzed. There was only one person it could be.
Have to talk.
Where are you?
Outside.
Her heart was pounding out of her chest.
There was a knock on the door. It was Ramona.
‘Chick, you OK? You looked kinda green. You’re not gonna barf?’
‘If I haven’t by now, I’m probably over the worst.’
If there was one person Cassie could actually face right now, who would be non-judgemental as hell, it was her. She poured out the whole story, about the baby who, despite its microscopic size, was dominating every moment of her life.
‘Plus, this dress is about to explode at the seams. Help me, please, Ramona, what am I going to do? I keep telling myself I can go it alone, but the truth is I want him but I don’t know if he’s up for any of this.’
‘So, where is he now?’
‘Outside, in his car.’
‘Are you shitting me? Honey, the only person you need to have this conversation with is him.’
Not for the first time Ramona had deftly sliced through her confusion.
‘Would you sneak down and let him in? Please. And try not to let anyone see you.’
‘I’ll be tact personified,’ she hissed, although that would definitely be a first, Cassie thought.
A couple of minutes later there was a tentative knock.
She opened the door slowly to see Finn standing there in the half-light, wearing the same clothes as earlier. His eyes met hers with such intensity that her heart jolted as though an electric current had shot through her.
They gazed at each other in silence for a moment. He seemed unsure.
‘Cassie, I—’
‘Finn, I’m pregnant.’
He took a breath. ‘I know.’
‘Before you say anything, I get it. I get the whole thing with Samantha, I get how crazy your life is, and I don’t expect anything from you. I can do this on my own. I just needed you to know about it, that’s all.’
Finn gazed at her incredulously.
