“Yes.” He matched my volume. The air felt heavy around me.
Closing my eyes, I pulled in a deep breath and nodded. Nan was right. I was better off for knowing and loving my parents, loving and knowing her. He gave my hand a light squeeze. It allowed me time to think, but now he was still here. I would not run. This time I would choose love.
Okay. Here we go.
“I’m wondering what this is.” I pulled up our joined hands and opened my eyes.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Am I pressuring you?” Scott went to let go of my hand, but I held on tight.
“No, that’s not what I meant.” I shook my head. “I enjoy holding your hand.” I smiled and looked at him. “A lot.” I saw hope reflected in his eyes. “But I’m curious . . .” I closed my eyes, trying to form the words, pushing down the urge to run. “Are you with me because you are bored and know I’m leaving or for something else? Where is this relationship even going?” The last part was barely audible. Scott leaned in, trying to hear me, and I looked anywhere but his eyes.
His hand brushed back my hair. “I was hoping to talk about this today, but was worried I would chicken out.” Scott raised one side of his mouth in a soft grin. “Marissa, I don’t know what the future will bring. Everything is too new to say.” He tightened his grip on my hand. “But I know I read your texts looking for hidden meanings in everything. I know when I go to bed, I’m thinking about you, and when I wake up, you are the first thing I think about. You are comfortable and kind, but you drive me crazy at the same time.” He reached up and felt a strand of my hair, rubbing it back and forth between his fingers. “You’re unexpected in the most refreshing way.”
I couldn’t breathe. Was this really happening? To feel loved and accepted was what I wanted but could never have. A tear fell. What would happen when I told him everything? Would the fairytale end?
Scott caught my tear on his thumb. “Us together is not easy. Our futures are unsure, and that scares me. I’ve thought of nothing else than trying to get you to postpone your trip this last week. That or trying to see if I could somehow come too.” His cheeks turned red, and he glanced away.
I squeezed his hand. Aww! “You would come with me?”
Scott nodded. “The thought of you in another country, being so far away scares me. Partly because I want to keep you safe, and partly because of all those males with British accents.”
I giggled, then stilled. “You’re not with me because it’s easy and you know I’m leaving?”
Scott laughed. “There is nothing about us that is easy.”
I liked that he’d saidus.
“But it's worth every hard thing to be near you.”
I traced his knuckle with my thumb. “What about all your dreams and ambitions for a big career? Nothing about us has ever felt long-term. Maybe that’s why it works?” There I said it. It couldn’t work. It wouldn’t last.
“No. I refuse to believe that.” He shook his head. “Nothing about my feelings are short-term.”
I looked up into his eyes. He looked adamant.
“But what about your plan?”
“Plan schman.” Scott smiled.
I shot him an incredulous look.
“Let’s take it one day at a time. We can figure it out, but I don’t want to rush everything to the point we end it because we don’t have the answers.” Scott grabbed both of my hands in his. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, Marissa, would you be my girlfriend and see if we can make this work? We can plan or not plan. Whatever you want. Just don’t run or push me away. Give us a chance?”
I sighed. He said we could go slow and figure it out. “I can do ‘figure things out as we go’.”
Scott grinned. “Really?”
I chuckled. “Yeah. Let’s try it.”
Scott looked at me with wonder. His eyes flicked to my lips. I bit them, this time on purpose. His eyes burned as he looked up at me. “If we are officially dating, I'm no longer okay with kisses goodbye. I want kisses hello, and middle, and all day long.” He reached over and pulled me closer.
I grinned. “That seems like a lot . . .”
Scott tipped his head to the side. “Sounds like the perfect amount.” He put both of his hands along my jaw and leaned forward and whispered in my ear. “I've been dying to kiss you sinceyou walked by smelling like apples.” Chills erupted over my arms, and I shivered. He showed a cocky grin, liking the effect he had on me.
Fine, I could play that game too. I unbuckled my seat belt and kneeled in the seat of his car, so I was taller than him. Leaning down, I kissed his neck just under his ear and my lips barely grazed his skin, then I nibbled his ear. I heard his breath catch. I was supposed to be teasing him, but found I enjoyed it just as much.
Looking into his eyes, I felt safe and excited about the future for the first time in what seemed like forever. His eyes were focused on my mouth. I leaned forward and brushed my lips against his. The kiss was soft and tentative. He reached for me and pulled me onto his lap as he deepened the kiss. I let myself fall on him, to fall into the future and into something sweet and new. I wanted to make plans, I wanted to chase dreams. I wanted to be with him.
