“And you shall be.”
“I dislike being one of many, Robert.” Were they still speaking of the catalogue? They’d never discussed exclusivity. The subject had never occurred to her in the past.
“I know. I see that in your behavior. My reputation is at stake here also, however.”
“What is that supposed to mean? Are you saying I don’t care about my image?”
“Mayhap careless is a better word than not caring.” He grimaced. “You said yourself that your parents taught you to disregard society’s rules. I can understand and appreciate that. It does not mean I must choose it for myself.”
“Really?” Her brows rose with her voice in challenge. “So ’tis good enough an approach for me, but not for you? That does not feel like acceptance, Robert. I am not at all sure it even represents tolerance.”
“Come now, Peaches. I have the utmost respect for you and your decisions. ’Tis your life. Just as I should be able to make choices about my life. Your way is not for me. I’ve tried to compromise, like the carriage ride, with a modicum of risk of exposure. This is another such balance.”
“What of us?”
“What do you mean?” His expression went blank.
“Are you expecting me to sneak over here in servants’ clothes forever? Or are you willing to dance with me at a party? Be seen with me on the street?”
He stared at her for a long beat. “I—” He choked and ducked his head. “I hadn’t figured that out.”
Why, oh why did I not see this coming?But she had. It was the same as always. She was acceptable for fun behind closed doors, but not for a relationship or even a partnership for his designs. So much for his lovely words about admiring her intellect.
“We can discuss all that. I just explained to you why I prefer to keep a low profile. Surely you can see…” His voice was pleading. “The catalogue is an intriguing idea. I’m willing to try it, but only on my terms.”
“Willing? I thought you were eager, that you valued my input. I was trying to help you.” Beth stood to pace. “Instead, you act like you are pandering to me, offering me crumbs, whilst you decry my whole philosophy on life.” She snatched up her cloak and headed for the door.
Robert stood. “Beth…”
She looked back at him, but he did not ask her to stay. His outstretched hand fell limply to his side.
“I’m sorry,” he said, bowing his head.
“Not as sorry as I am.” She slammed the door behind her.
Chapter Seventeen
Beth was despondent, angry, exhausted, and frustrated. Still upset by Robert’s reaction, she was in turn furious at herself for pining for a man who did not share her beliefs. He’d sent her a one-line note saying Evan had requested his company in Cheltenham. He gave no indication of whether he’d inform her of his return, nor did he request her patience.
She was glad for the distractions that Althea’s business expansion needed. They spent the next fortnight rearranging the store to make space for new products, estimating the increase in orders from suppliers for the products they’d stock in both locations, and made another quick trip to Bath with their first delivery and paperwork.
Still, she hadn’t gone this long without a sexual partner since the introductory course at school. Which of course led her back to misery over Robert. All of which fed her irritation. She’d never let a lover interfere in her enjoyment of life this much, and her realization that she was in love with Robert was ill-timed and unhelpful, given his anxiety regarding exposure. While she’d understood his reasons, living in fear was something she could never do.
Beth did not have anywhere to be, and her cousin spent Fridays at the store. Determined to alleviate her sexual frustration, she’d eyed the servants upstairs and down, inside and out, and even the tradesmen who came to the back door with deliveries. No one appealed. Her fingers were going to cramp if she had to take care of herself much longer.
Desperate to distract herself, she unearthed an embroidery project she’d started after being banned from the shop.
Looking at the piece, she could see why she’d abandoned it. It really needed to be unpicked. However, she doubted she could do any better now. Shrugging, she started from where she’d left off…or thought she’d left off.
Jabbing the needle through the fabric, she envisioned Robert sewing leather. Under her breath, she swore at him with each stab. “Dratted man. ’Twas my idea. If he doesn’t need the additional business, why does he care so much about what the biddies think. And other models. Hmph.”
Her cousin’s voice at the door almost didn’t register. “Beth? What is amiss?”
She wondered why Althea was home, but not enough to stop puncturing this piece of linen. She poked the needle through again, then yelped and brought her wounded finger out from beneath the dratted needlework that would never hang on a dratted wall and sucked it into her mouth.
Althea perched on the edge of a chair facing her. “Talk to me.”
“I like to have fun. With other people. Naked fun. And now. That man.” She shook her head and returned her gaze to the needlework in her lap. Althea rescued it and tucked it beside her hip on the chair.
