Liam couldn’t fight it anymore. He lurched forward and took me in his arms, burying his face in my hair.
“I am so fucking sorry,” he choked out.
I let him hold me, but didn’t return the embrace. Tears still fell down my cheeks, but I was numb inside. Now that the black sludge had completely taken over my chest, my heart, my lungs, my gut, it seemed to have settled. It was no longer a writhing mass. It was now simply a sticky tar coating every inch of me.
Liam pulled back to look into my eyes. I don’t know what he saw, but it made him flinch.
“You wanted to know everything from the very beginning,” I told him.
He nodded slowly. “I did.”
We stared at each other, not saying anything.
He looked away first. “I don’t know how to even begin apologizing.”
“You could start with,I’m sorry for accusing you of cheating on me.”
“I am sorry.” He forced himself to meet my gaze. “So sorry.”
“You thought I was going to sleep around behind your back with Morris,” I said. “Why would you think something like that? Do you really think so little of me?”
“No,” he shook his head. “I never actually thought that. I was just upset and worried and jealous and dealing with a bunch of other shit that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”
“You forbid me from seeing one of my oldest friends. You know how awful that is?”
“I shouldn't have given you that ultimatum.”
“No. You shouldn’t have.”
“I wish I could take it back.”
“You can’t.”
Hurt flashed across his face. “Is there anything I can say that will make you forgive me?”
“I understand you’re sorry about what you said. I get that. But I can’t be with somebody who doesn't trust me.”
“It’s not that I don’t trust you,” he pressed. “I was just dealing with—”
“A bunch of other shit,” I finished for him. “Right.”
Liam went silent, casting his eyes down.
I rubbed at my nails. Completely smooth. All the polish had been scratched off.
I was done for the night. I couldn’t take any more.
“I accept your apology,” I told him. “But it doesn’t change anything.”
I made my way to the curb where taxis were waiting outside the club for drunken partiers ready to leave. I reached for a door handle. I looked back.
Liam was still staring at the ground.
“I’ll see you at rehearsals,” was all I said.
I slid into the car without another look.
