33
Liam froze, his eyes locked on Julian. I inched backwards, trying to not get their attention.
“Look, it’s fine, you didn't know until just now, but today’s been really tough on Cerise,” my brother said. “My sister and Harper had been together forever and she lost him in a really shitty way—”
“Gael,” I snapped. He stopped talking and shot me an apologetic look. He knew I hated when people talked about it.
“I—” Liam’s gaze drifted to mine. “Harper…?” He said the words in a hushed voice, dawning horror crossing his face.
“Yeah. Harper.”
Liam opened his mouth but nothing came out. I could see his mind whirling, reconsidering everything he’d been thinking up until now.
I didn’t want to wait around for him to put it all together. I didn’t need to hear his apologies, didn’t need to hear his regrets.
I turned to Gael and Julian, ignoring Liam. “I’m taking off now.”
“Want me to come with you?” my brother asked.
The offer was thoughtful, but I didn’t want to be around anyone right then.
“No. It’s fine. I’ll grab a taxi.”
Gael studied me before nodding. “Get home safe.”
I turned and left before Liam could finish processing what he’d just learned.
I pushed my way through the writhing crowd of dancers to reach the exit. I saw Nathan and Seth in the corner chatting up two pretty girls. At least someone was having a fun night.
The bouncer opened the door for me. I stepped out into the cool evening air. I inhaled deeply, trying to calm myself. Trying to stem the tears from falling. Trying to swallow the hurt, the anger, the grief.
I forced myself to shove down the memories that threatened to surface.
I’d spent so long trying to forget how Harper had died. Losing him had been bad enough. Losing him the way I had, knowing exactly how he had been…
It was almost more than I could handle.
I looked down at my trembling hands, at the scratched up polish. I began to shake. I wrapped my arms around my waist, huddling into myself. Oozing black tendrils whirled inside me like a cyclone, and in the very middle was the eye of the storm threatening to suck me in.
I heard someone bursting through the club doors, heard someone call my name.
I couldn’t make myself move. My feet were glued to the pavement.
I knew it was Liam approaching from behind me. I heard his heavy breathing, as if he’d run the whole way.
“Cerise,” he repeated my name. He went silent, still taking in labored breaths.
I didn’t turn to look at him, instead focusing my eyes on the bright headlights of cars as they passed by. They were almost blinding, reminding me of spotlights. My body buzzed like it always did on stage, but there was no high, no rush from performing to go along with it.
“I am so sorry,” Liam began. “I don’t even know where to start.”
“Should we start at the beginning?” I said. “Should we start with you throwing awful accusations at me?”
“That’s not the beginning, though,” he replied softly. “Is it?”
No. It wasn’t.
The beginning wasn’t even five years ago.
