"No. I haven't told him. I haven't told anyone."
"He's your best friend. I'm sure he'd want to know. To give you support."
"I don't want them to worry. They need to be concentrating on the album right now."
My heart ached for Nathan.
"You know you can talk to me about anything," I told him. "If you're ever scared, or worried, or just want to yell at the world, I'm here for you."
"I know you are," he said, squeezing my hand back. "And I'm here for you. If you ever want to vent or cry or throw plates against walls."
"Is that another one of your extreme sports?" I asked. "Extreme plate throwing?"
He chuckled and my heart lifted.
"Anyway," he said. "Your turn."
Nathan still looked vaguely upset. I needed to turn the conversation back around.
"My favorite position is also doggie style," I began.
"I'm praying to god that's true," Nathan jumped in.
"I don't own a single pair of heels. And…" I waited a moment, considering whether or not to say it.
Nathan had confessed something real to me.
I continued. "I wish my parents would divorce instead of dragging out their failed marriage."
Nathan's eyes went wide. "I hope that's the lie."
"It's true," I said. "That's one of the reasons why I moved out into the basement. I couldn't take their passive aggressive bullshit anymore."
"I'm sorry." Nathan scooted closer, pressing himself to my side. "That has to be a shitty situation to live with."
"It didn't used to be that way. I remember happier times. Things only started to change when—"
Nathan cocked his head when I stopped. "When what?"
I decided to go with a half-truth. Appropriate for the game we were playing. Nathan had already had to deal with a lot of shit in his life already. I didn't need to add to that.
"I was sick as a kid. A lot. It caused tension between my parents. They tried to hide it from me, but I could tell something was wrong. Things just got worse as I got older. I thought they might finally divorce when I finished high school. That whole,keep it together for the kidsthing. But they're still together and every day is like waiting for another bomb to drop. Always wondering, what's going to set them off this time? They're still worried about how a divorce might affect me but they don't get that seeing them like this is even worse. I wish I could just move out on my own and leave the whole situation behind."
"Why don't you?" Nathan asked.
I choked back a derisive laugh. "It was hard enough getting them to agree for me to live in the basement."
"I know you said your parents were overprotective, but it sounds like they're being unreasonable," he said quietly.
I made a soft noise, not wanting to disagree. Despite how much I hated it, I knew my parents were probably right. Living on my own might not have been the best idea. For someone like me, it was safer to be at home.
"So which one's the lie?" Nathan asked. "Do you actually own a million pairs of heels?"
"Nope. Not a single pair."
He made a disappointed noise. "So the lie is that doggie style isn't your favorite position? Damn."
I had to grin. "I've never done it doggie style so I wouldn't know."
