Nathan flopped back onto the bed with a groan. "You're killing me over here, gorgeous. Now all I can think about is showing you how it's done."
"Game's still on," I said. "You want to forfeit?"
"You wish." He sat up. "I've written a whole album of solo songs. I was one of those sports star jocks in high school." Nathan pressed his lips together and met my eyes straight on. "I wish Gael had never met Jessie."
My heart ached for Nathan. "I'm sorry. It must be hard."
"It is. But that one's the lie." He quirked a smile. "I actually was a jock. Track and field star. I was great at long distance running. Team sports were never my thing, but I liked running to keep in shape and build up my stamina."
"You don't have any problem with stamina," I said playfully before turning serious. "So you wrote a whole album of songs? I'd love to hear some of it."
"Fuck no," he said bluntly. "It's all shit."
"I bet it's not."
"It's sure as fuck not as good as the stuff Cerise comes up with," he said. "She's a fucking genius. My stuff will never sound like hers."
"It doesn't have to," I said. "It only has to sound like you."
Nathan looked taken aback, as if he'd never thought of it that way. I had to wonder what it was like, to be surrounded by people who were so good at their jobs that you thought you'd never match up.
"So the lie was the Jessie and Gael thing?" I asked.
"She's good for him," Nathan said. "Brings out the best in him. So I'm glad he met her."
"You're a good friend," I told him.
He snorted, looking away "Yeah, well…"
"A lot of people would be jealous if they were you," I said. "Some people might even try to break them up or cause trouble. But even though you feel sort of abandoned, you don't wish them any ill will. That's big of you."
"I see the way Gael lights up when he's around her," Nathan said. "He's always been a cheerful guy, but I've never seen him as happy as he is when he's with her. He used to be sort of a fuck up, you know? Acting out, making a goddamn nuisance of himself. Of course," Nathan chuckled, "a lot of those times I went along for the ride. I still remember the look on Cerise's face when she walked into the hotel room we'd just trashed in a drunken stupor. I thought she'd murder us with her eyes alone."
"Trashing hotel rooms?" I made a tsk sound. "Typical rock star."
Nathan shrugged. "Like I said, Gael used to be crazy wild. But ever since he met Jessie, he's calmed down. He takes things more seriously. She's like his rock. He can depend on her." Nathan paused, looking at a point in the distance. "Sometimes I wish I had something like that. Someone I could lean on. Someone I could rely on."
I sympathized completely. With my situation, I'd always have to depend on someone, whether it was my parents, or a partner. Although I knew it would never be fair to put that burden on another person, I could understand the longing.
I just wished Nathan felt like he could talk to his band. It must have been tough, keeping something like this from your closest friends because you didn't want to disrupt their work. Nathan was just as dedicated to his music, his passion, as he was to his mother. It must have been torture, feeling torn between the two.
"Anyway, it's fine," Nathan said hurriedly. "It's just cool Gael's less of an asshole now."
I nodded, letting him deflect.
"Your turn," he said.
We hadn't touched the bottle of rum since he'd come clean about his mom. I didn't bring it up now.
"I regret walking out on you that night," I said. "No one's ever made me feel the things you made me feel. I think there's more to you than just the carefree, playboy rock star you pretend to be."
He huffed out a laugh. "That last one's a lie."
I shook my head. "No. They're all true."
Nathan stared at me. I met his gaze, unflinching.
"That's not how you play the game," he said.
