“Yeah, my friend... Well, I didn’t know it had gotten so bad. He looks awful, barely eats. Been in rehab since December and told no one.”
Four months wasn’t really that long. Not for an eating disorder. It was a problem that took years to develop and lifetimes to correct.
“But he’s telling you now. That’s a good sign. Means he’s trying to get better.”
“I don’t know what to do. He won’t talk to me. At least nothing more than a ‘how are you doing?’” Tommy sighed. “I feel so helpless. The doctor said it’s good for me to be here, but when I see him, I feel like it’s doing more harm than good. Like he expects me to see him a certain way, and if he thinks I don’t, he fears I’m disappointed and beats himself up over it.”
“I can understand that. He’s comfortable with you. If he’s as bad as you say, he doesn’t want you to see him at his worst. He fears your expectations mostly because those are his own expectations of himself that he’s failing.” Bas nodded to himself thinking through the many psychology classes he’d taken already and books he’d read. “Rehab is good for reestablishing a baseline for health. He sees people around him who are really unhealthy and people who are not. A new normal.”
“Then I shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t be looking at me and expecting me to think bad things about him.”
“You’re his friend. He needs friends. People with mental disorders are the worst for pushing others away, while needing them the most. That’s why the suicide rate is so high. Undiagnosed mental disorders.”
There was a long silence on the other end of the line. “You’re on spring break right now?”
“Starts next week actually, but since it’s Thursday and I just had Gran’s funeral, I wasn’t going to school tomorrow anyway. Why?” Bas noticed the car had gotten really quiet. He wondered how much they understood, but no one tried to interrupt with questions.
“Can you come out here? To California, I mean.”
“You need me?” Bas would do it in a heartbeat for Tommy. He knew Tommy wasn’t interested in anything other than a platonic relationship with him, but couldn’t help but have a little crush on him. And he’d do just about anything for his friends.
“I need you to be here for him because I obviously can’t be.”
“But your friend doesn’t even know me.”
“Which is what he needs, right? Someone who doesn’t have expectations of him. Someone who’s healthy and can be a good example.”
Healthy was a relative term.
“Wouldn’t Adam be a better choice?”
“My friend doesn’t want Ru to know. And where Adam goes, Ru goes. Besides, as sweet as Adam is, he’s not the one who has experience with depression or has helped people with psychological disorders.”
“Um, okay. I guess I can come for a few days.” The house could wait. He didn’t really want to face going room to room to remove his grandmother’s things. The coming week off school had not been a blessing for him, though he knew Adam and Ru were going to go to California to spend some time at the beach.
They’d volunteered to stay with him, but he’d put them off. No one needed to be miserable in the worst Minnesota winter in forty years just because he was. His grandmother’s death wouldn’t kill him. The sadness would pass. Having someone else to focus on would make dealing with his own grief easier. He’d even tried to pick up hours at the crisis line he volunteered at, but because he had just experienced a death in the family, he wouldn’t be allowed on the phones for at least another week. Bas understood it, but he really didn’t want all that time alone to think.
“I’ll book a ticket for you. How soon can you be packed?” Tommy asked.
“By early evening. We’re going to lunch now. Home by three-or so.”
“Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this means to me. I’ll text you the flight info and get you a hotel.”
“I can afford to get my own flight and hotel. Gran left me money.”
“Use that for school. You’re doing this for me. I’ll cover this.”
“Okay. But I really don’t know how I can help.”
“Just be you, Bas. This guy needs some of that in his life.”
“Some of me?” Bas couldn’t help but smile. “A mentally unstable gay boy with excellent taste in clothing and an attraction to ex-boyband types?”
“Yes.” Tommy sounded on the verge of laughter. “Exactly that.”
“Okay, then. Hold on to your stilettos and fake bake, California, because here I come.”
