Chapter Three
Dane began to hate the white walls. The never-changing routine of every day. He longed to run or lift or just move more than they let him. They got mad and threatened to restrain him if he ran in place. There were cameras everywhere.
He hated the food, though at least they’d learned not to bring him anything processed. The few times they’d brought him something other than fruits or vegetables, he’d thrown it back at them.
He was on a downswing, his therapist said, ever since Sandy died. She’d only been sixteen. He had just turned nineteen. Was that all he had waiting for him too? An early death from being unable to manage the stress the world threw at him?
The door opened and a nurse walked in, followed by Tommy. Tommy immediately waved the nurse away. Dane regretted having Joely call him. Tommy flinched each time he saw Dane. Did Dane look so bad? He wasn’t allowed a mirror. There were none anywhere. The electric razor they monitored his use of wasn’t sharp enough to cut anything so he was overly scruffy, and his blond hair hung in his face worse than it ever had.
“I’m fine. You don’t need to keep coming,” Dane told him.
Tommy moved across the room and sat on the bed. “I know you’re here because you need to be, but you’re not going to get better if you don’t try.”
Hehadstopped trying, hadn’t he? He existed a lot like a machine now. Following the rules because he had to. His therapist was onto him. Told him that just following the rules wouldn’t be enough to help him get better. He had to want it.
Too many followed the rules until they left, and then they went and killed themselves because they couldn’t see past the easy solution to the more complicated long-term one.
“I want to get better,” Dane lied.
“I wish I believed that.” Tommy sighed and glared at the bare walls. “I brought someone here for you.”
Please don’t let it be Ru. Dane couldn’t handle disappointing someone else he cared about. And he wasn’t ready for that. Not to see Ru, who had found a life without him.
“Who?” Why was his voice so shaky?
“You don’t know him. He’s a friend from Minnesota.” Tommy got up and headed for the door. “The doctors have him on speed dial. He will be here for the next week in my place.”
Dane’s heart sank, feeling abandoned even though his brain warred with the idea of Tommy being there at all. “You’re going somewhere?”
Tommy frowned at him. “Not really. Bas is just going to take care of you for a while. If you need me, you let him know, and he’ll call me. I will come. I just feel like I’m not helping you.” He put his hand to his chest. “Would you tell me? If it was something I was doing that is setting you back?”
“It’s not you,” Dane said. Not really. Though memories clung to Tommy. Sometimes becomingtoo muchin Dane’s head. He needed to not be alone. To not have that fear clenching his gut.
“I feel like maybe seeing someone else might help? Someone not related to the band or all that mess. Even if that means not seeing me everyday?” Tommy said.
“Fine,” Dane replied tightly.
“Dane…” Tommy breathed out, and scrunched his eyes closed for a moment before opening them to look at Dane. “I want you get better. Remember I care about you. Ru cares about you. We want you safe and whole.”
“Did you tell Ru?”Please no...
“Not yet. But I will. I will do anything to help you get better, even if that means bringing Ru here.” Tommy gripped Dane’s hand. “I know what you refused to tell him. It won’t change things now. He’s in love with Adam. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t someone out there for you.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dane denied. Fear coursed through him. How could Tommy know? Dane had told no one. And he’d worked so hard to hide it even from himself.
Tommy shrugged and let Dane go. “Ru and Adam will be in California later tonight. They’ll be down in Diego, but I’m sure they can hop a plane up here fast enough.”
“Please don’t tell him.”
“Then work on this, D. Work on you. Let my friend be there for you. Listen to him. You’d be surprised how much one person can affect your life. He’s survived a lot of horrible things to become the strong man you’re going to meet. And he gave up his spring break to be here for you.”
“Why? Why would anyone? Is he a fan? I don’t want to see any fans.” He didn’t need anyone else looking at him, judging him, pitying him.
“He’s familiar with Vocal Growth, but I don’t think he’s a fan. Not in the way you’re thinking.” Tommy shook his head and glanced at his watch. “Give him some time.”
“Whatever.” Dane felt like all he had now was time. Maybe he should just withdraw from the program. It wasn’t like it was helping him anymore.
There was another knock on the door. The nurse was back with a man Dane didn’t recognize. Tommy grinned and held out his hand to yank the other man into a hug. He was dressed nicely with short dark hair styled like he’d just walked off a movie set, clothes that hugged his fit frame, glittery shoes, and when Tommy pulled away, Dane saw eyeliner. Wow. Was Tommy gay too? Dane had no idea.
