“But I have nowhere else to go if I’m not in rehab. I mean, I have the place in California, but I can’t see going back there anytime soon. It’s like I’m not the same person anymore.”
“You’ll come stay with me and Paige. In fact, one of the projects we’re working on over the next couple weeks, besides our prom costumes, is the garage apartment. I have a ton to clean out of there. That will keepmyhead from wandering in bad directions too. Tommy isn’t ready to leave the city. So if you want the space, it’s yours.” Bas watched Dane’s expression cycle through a few things. At least he always knew where he stood with Dane. He hid nothing, as his face gave it all away much like Adam’s did.
“You can make the apartment whatever you need it to be, and you’ll be close to all of us but still have your own space.” Bas shrugged. “If you like the cooking thing, we can get you into cooking school or something.”
Dane smiled. “I like making cupcakes. Getting the frosting perfect was fun.”
“Dimitri does wedding cakes on occasion. I bet he’d let you help with that. That’s just a really big, really fancy cupcake.”
“Is he nice? I know Ru’s parents aren’t, but he used to talk about his uncle a lot when we were on tour. Always compared the pizza to his. Said it never measured up. I couldn’t relate, ’cause I’ve never eaten pizza.”
Bas’s jaw dropped. “Never?”
“It’s cooked,” Dane replied defensively. “Usually by someone else.”
“OMG! Dimitri is going to open your eyes to a whole new heaven. And he’s amazing. Gave me my first job, washing dishes. Showed me how to make real pizza dough and sauce.”Bas leaned forward to press his forehead against Dane’s, let go of his hands, and touched his face.
“I know you’re stressing about meeting someone new, but you’re going to love it. Getting your hands in the dough, cutting up the tomatoes and stewing them with spices, and putting together the pie is a bit like a scientific masterpiece. Precision on toppings to cheese and sauce ratios. With the way you worked through the cupcakes, I know you’re going to love cooking with Dimitri.”
“Okay,” Dane whispered, meeting Bas’s eyes. “I trust you. Are you going to kiss me now?”
“Do you want me to?”
“I don’t know?”
Bas laughed and let him go, then kissed him on the forehead. “Don’t ever be afraid to say no.”
Dane smiled.
“Now, do you think you can do all this? Think we can get you back to rehab and start over?”
“I want to try.”
“Good, ’cause I can’t wait for you to start cooking Dimitri’s pizza in my kitchen. Those pies are pure gold. Food of the gods. Angels sing, and all that. Even for a gay boy like me.” Bas’s stomach grumbled. “And apparently my tummy wants real food since it’s telling me soup is no longer enough.”
“Is your throat okay?”
“Bruised, no permanent damage. Other than embarrassment, at least.” Bas touched his throat gently. The skin was tender, but at least he was calm and could breathe okay. “Part of it was a panic attack. I shut down, couldn’t remember what I knew to get out of it. And then, after, it was fear of embarrassment. Made me feel like a total tool getting my ass whooped by my little brother.”
“No one would expect that.” Dane lay back and patted his chest. “Lie with me for a bit? I know you’re leaving, just give me a little more time to work on calm, okay?”
Bas grinned at him and snuggled up beside him. “Sure. They’re not springing me until after five, anyway. Can’t wait to go home and have a shower and not beg to get into the bathroom. I’d forgotten how weird it was to have them checking on me all the time. I really shouldn’t have let myself get so low.”
“Is there a way to prevent it?” Dane asked. “It always sort of sneaks up on me.”
“I usually feel it coming. It can take days for a full bout of depression to set in. If I call my doctor, I can usually get in to talk through it. Talk therapy doesn’t work for everyone. Medication helps me balance it out. Sometimes, it just helps to go through the real crappy stuff with someone else. They tell me the facts and I agree, and my head is a little clearer. I should have gone in right after my gran died. I probably wouldn’t have ended up here.”
“It wouldn’t have stopped your brother from hurting you.”
Bas closed his eyes, not wanting to think at all. “Let’s rest a little ’til Ru and Paige get back.”
“Okay.”
Dane traced small circles on Bas’s back, and Bas fell asleep feeling safe in the quiet of the hospital room.
