Chapter Twenty-Four
Bas figured something had happened in therapy. Dane was suddenly touching him more and spewing compliments about silly things like the way the scrubs hit his ankles just right. Insecurity, Bas realized after a while. Whatever was in Dane’s head was making him feel inadequate, so he was focusing on the positive and, more specifically, Bas. How many times had Bas done the same exact thing?
It was hard to break from from the negative voices. One of the simplest ways was distraction. Focusing on others and adding positive things added more tools to the arsenal, but the voices would take work to silence.
Ru arrived to get approval for the tuxes. Paige and Marissa were designing and creating them all. They were all over this prom thing. Bas couldn’t get his head off his little brother and the horrible things he’d admitted to. At least Marissa had broken up with him. Bas hoped she was okay and would stay away from Eddy.
The next hurdle was getting Dane through his alone time. Bas couldn’t stay. He had to go back to school. He couldn’t hide out in the youth ward forever, no matter how much he might like to some days. But he also didn’t want to send Dane into another frenzy. Adam had come up with a plan, and Ru had been sent to share it with Bas, iron out the details, and get Dane on board.
Ru and Paige left to find food after Dane got back from evening therapy, leaving Bas to talk to him about the upcoming weeks. No one knew better than Bas that there was no such thing as a cure, just survival and coping. Depression, anxiety, anorexia, none of it just vanished. It would always linger in the background, waiting for a weak moment to pounce. They had to teach Dane how to recognize it, confront it, and move beyond it. Bas sat on the end of Dane’s bed and decided to have a serious conversation with him.
“I have to go home,” he began.
Dane flinched.
“It doesn’t mean that I’m abandoning you. It doesn’t mean I think anything bad about you. Neither does Ru or Tommy or Adam, or even Paige and Marissa.” Bas reached out and grabbed Dane’s hands. “You’ve been focusing on me this afternoon, and that’s great. But it also means your head is going through stuff that is telling you you’re not right.”
“It never stops,” Dane protested. “Dr. Zander said to turn that energy toward the positive, and you. Maybe a change in focus would help.”
“I know. I agree. I love the attention. So do whatever you need to, okay?”
Dane nodded.
“But we have to have a plan for long-term.” Bas waved his hands at the room. “You’re not suicidal. So you don’t need to be here. Youdoneed constant monitoring and will until you can prove you’ll ask for help when you need it. So the first step is to get you back to the residential program. You can work through the first two phases there, and the doctors will decide to move you up as needed. The last two you have to decide when you’re ready, apply, interview, state why you’re ready to move on. It’s part of life, learning, growing, understanding. You need those skills.”
Dane frowned, and Bas could almost see the noise in Dane’s head.
“You’ll have therapy like you have been, full monitoring at night, and we will keep your days full with us. You’ll still have to work through your phases. A semi-outpatient sort of thing until you’re ready to be out all the time.” Bas shook his head. “I make it sound like you’re coming out, but really it just means outside rehab, so don’t let your head fly away with that one.” He took a moment to gather his train of thought again.
“Filled days. No endless hours of rehab to let your brain run away with you. You’ll be spending a lot of time with Ru, Tommy, and Paige, and in the evenings and on weekends me, Adam, and Marissa. Ru’s uncle Dimitri is going to be giving you cooking lessons. He owns the best pizza place in the northern metro. He’s also an accomplished pastry chef.”
“He sounds really busy and important. I don’t want to take up his time.” Dane protested.
“Oh, he’s looking forward to teaching you. He’s got a dozen chefs and managers running everything. Ru says his uncle doesn’t do much but pocket the money anymore, though he does create all the new pizzas and desserts himself. Spends a lot of time experimenting with food. The first few days Ru will be with you, until you’re comfortable with Dimitri. Tommy will pick you up after lunch and take you to therapy and bring you to my house afterward. You have to be back every night by nine, and we are going to keep track of any food or exercise you do, to pass on to your doctors.”
“I’m taking so much of everyone’s time,” Dane sighed.
“Not really. Ru usually spends his days at the community college working on his online classes. He’s graduating this year too. Only he doesn’t get the big ceremony. He’s okay with giving up his mornings because he’ll be home with me and Adam in the evenings to work on stuff. Once you’re set, he’ll go back to working on schoolwork around Adam’s schedule, leaving the nights for movie and snuggle time.” Bas ticked off the list of people. “Tommy has lots of time and nothing to do. He’s kind of floating.” Which Bas realized could really be a problem. A rich twenty-year-old with no direction and a penchant for trouble. “Paige is going to be working on costumes. So when you’re not at therapy or cooking, she’ll need your help with that.”
“I know nothing about sewing.”
“I don’t think she’s going to make you sew. I think she’s going to make you hold things up, pin things, cut things.” Bas had wondered about that too. He would be sure to mention to her to keep the measuring tape out of Dane’s reach. “Adam and I are used to doing our homework in study hour, so when we’re home we have free time, which you can use to cook with us, watch movies, or whatever.”
Dane sat back, frowning. “Sounds exhausting. But during the day I’m okay. It’s night I can’t handle. The voices get too loud when no one else is talking.”
“We have a solution for that too. We’re moving you from a single-occupancy room in residential to a double. You’ll be staying with a boy who is self-harming rather than ED. Your monitoring at night will be a lot like it is here. Very little privacy, lots of check-ins.” Bas liked that the rehab here was broader than the previous one. They didn’t specialize in just EDs, but helped a spectrum of youth in need of emotional and mental help. Dane would see kids with average weight who had other problems. Proof that no one was “normal.”
“What if he recognizes me?”
Bas shrugged. “What if? Does it really matter at this point? Will you ever go back to singing and dancing like you did with Vocal Growth?”
Dane shook his head. “Not without everyone else. I could never do it alone like Ru does.”
“Then just be you. And screw what anyone else thinks.”
Dane grinned. “So I should wear eyeliner, heels, and lots of gel in my hair?” he teased, pointing out that Bas had been lax about all three in the last twenty-four hours.
“Why not? You’d look pretty hot that way. Just realize not everyone can be the glam queen I am.” Bas gave him a bright smile. “If this works, you won’t need rehab much longer.”
