“I find some women beautiful.”
“Wouldn’t that make you bi?”
“No. I’d never want to have sex with a woman. It’s not all about biology. It’s more indifference. I might find them pretty, but I don’t wanna do the things I do with Ru with them. I don’t want to do those things with anyone but Ru.” Adam frowned. “You’re in love with Ru?”
Dane sighed. “I don’t think so. Not anymore. At least not like you are.”
“Then why are you apologizing?”
“’Cause I can’t be what Bas needs if I’m straight, and I like him and want to get to know him better, but I don’t want to do that ’cause he’s convenient, and I’m trying to figure out if I’m gay or not.”
“Okay, so you like Bas?”
“He’s been good to me.”
“Okay, but love is more than that. It’s part of it, yes. Tommy is good to me, but I’m not in love with him. Does that make sense?”
“But I want what you have,” Dane insisted. “What you have with Ru.”
“What we have is amazing, Dane. I can’t lie about that. But know that it’s not common either. Most people don’t walk into a library and see someone for the first time and know they’rethe one. And, honestly, I didn’t know with Ru until we first kissed. I just knew he was attractive, and I wanted to get to know him.” Adam squeezed Dane’s arm. “We’re best friends as well as boyfriends. I think the first is more important than the second. I’m more comfortable with him than I am with anyone else. We tell each other everything, good or bad.”
“So should I kiss Bas, or just be friends with him?”
“How about you start as friends and see what happens? What’s the rush?”
Dane sighed and leaned against the wall. “I want to be happy. And I don’t want to be alone.”
“You’re not alone. We’re all here for you. But happiness depends on you. Life is what you make it. If you and Bas end up together, that’s good. But don’t force it. Nothing good comes from that. He’s a nice guy. An amazing friend.”
“Is it okay to be his friend and still want to touch him?”
Adam smiled. “He’s a bit like a cuddly teddy bear, isn’t he? Makes you want to hug and squeeze him until he does the doughboy squeal. Just be you, Dane. Bas is a touchy-feely guy. He’s warm and kind. Let him tell you what he’s comfortable with and work with that. Okay?”
“Okay. Friends first.”
“Yes.” Adam grabbed his arm and led them back to the kitchen where everyone was busy putting away groceries or preparing lunch. “Can I help?” Adam asked.
“No!” everyone said at once.
“Okay, okay. I’ll go watch TV.”
Dane smiled as Adam walked off, not put off at all by not being wanted in the kitchen. Bas handed Dane his tablet.
“I’ve pulled up the recipe for the vegetarian black bean burger Mrs. C was talking about. Do you want to try it?” He appeared to be more relaxed now that he was surrounded by a big group of his friends. “Adam claims it’s good eats, but we all know the boy will eat just about anything.”
“Not true!” Adam called from the living room. “I don’t like brussel sprouts.”
“Or anchovies,” Ru volunteered.
“I don’t think I’ve ever eaten either one.” Dane stared down at the ingredients and the picture of the burger. “There’s really no meat in there?” It looked like a real burger with bits of bean and peppers. His mouth watered. “Is it hard to make?”
Bas set out a cutting board and a stack of veggies, and opened a can of organic black beans. He handed Dane a knife. “You know how to cut these?” He gestured to the peppers and onions.
“Yeah. But mostly I just eat them like apples.”
“We need small pieces to put in the burger. But we have plenty, so if you want some grilled on the side, you can just cut those in large chunks. I’ll grab the other ingredients for the base. This is supposed to have a cumin kick. Do you want to skip that?” Bas pulled out a box of bread crumbs, some flour, salt, and a few other spices. Dane hesitated at the thought of having anything spicy in his food. It must have shown on his face because Bas said, “How about we make a few with and a few without?”
Dane nodded, and Bas walked him through making the burgers.
