Lady Ashworth simpers over me as if we’re best friends. Although she’s remarried, her gaze lingers covetously upon Kai. I ignore her as politely as I can.
The Queen Regent drones on about forging new alliances. The sumptuous feast turns to ash on my tongue.
I know what that means. Aisendelle is mentioned. Caldrithonia, too.
She says something about land. I suppose that is to be my reward: a patch of land where I can live out the rest of my brokenhearted days in peace.
I ought to be grateful. It’s a more generous reward than I expected. But it’s still not what I wanted.
When I can endure no more admiring accolades and the attention becomes too much to bear, I slip away and make my escape into the garden where The Snow Queen stole Kai away in her sleigh. Out here, the ornamental trees have taken on shades of russet and gold. Autumn has come to the land of eternal summer. I trace the veins in a golden leaf absently.
Montrace has changed. So have I. Kai, too. Nothing will ever be the same as it was before the fae witch touched our lives. I mourn what I lost. Innocence, yes. But mostly, hope.
Boots scuff on stone. Whirling, I find Kai coming down the steps.
“You’re not leaving?” he says.
“I…yes. I’m tired from the journey,” I fib. How can I tell him that it breaks my heart to see him bedecked like the king he is? That the kindness in his eyes only saddens me?
I can’t. Yet I am incapable of living a lie now. I don’t know if I ever could. I wanted more than friendship then, and I still want it now. But the only time he was willing to touch me was when he was under The Snow Queen’s spell. Now, he has a future here. I don’t.
I can’t help but think that some of his darkness has transferred to me. A permanent stain upon my soul. I wish he would push me up against a wall and kiss me the way he did in the garden, before the fae witch stole him. I wish he would invite me to his room and take me to bed the way he did at the Ice Palace.
This Kai is too noble, too much of a return to my childhood friend to want me now.
“But I’ll see you in the morning?” he says.
I start to answer, but halfway through, it changes. “I…don’t know, Kai. I can’t bear to watch you wed another woman. I can’t stay and witness that. I’m sorry.”
“Another woman?” His brow quirks up. “Who said anything about another woman?”
“Your mother spoke of alliances. Land. I’m not stupid, Kai. I knew it was hopeless for me to love you before The Snow Queen stole you. In some ways, I thank her for her interference, because it brought me closer to you than would otherwise have been possible.
“I’ll always love you. No matter where I am in the world or how many years pass, you will live in my heart forever. Yet I accept now what I wasn’t able to before. You do not belong to me, and you never will.”
He freezes as though he’s turned into one of The Snow Queen’s living statues. My heart thunders loudly in my ears.Say something. Tell me you want me to stay. That you love me.
He won’t. He can’t. His life is not his own.
“Is that what’s been bothering you?” he asks airlessly. “Ever since we left the ice palace I wondered whether I had said or done something to make you so cold and distant.”
“Me?” I squeak.
“I didn’t think I was the one pushing you away.” He rakes his fingers through his hair, ruffling the perfect styling. My heart trips over the way it falls over his brow, the imperfection only highlighting his sharply handsome features. “What kind of ingrate would I be if I rewarded you for freeing me by abandoning you?”
“But we need alliances…” I trail off.
“I will have to attend to important negotiations in due time. I managed to piss off every kingdom on the continent while the fae witch had her hooks in me.” He scuffs the ground ruefully. “Thanks to you, we have an alliance with the Northern Territories through Princess Christabel. You not only gave me a way to redeem my name. You held out hope when everyone else abandoned me. If not for you, I wouldn’t have a kingdom to return to. The last thing I want is for you to leave.”
The vulnerability in him cracks my heart open like a bursting dam.
“You mean it?”
“With my entire heart.” He caresses my cheek. “When I was at my worst, you still saw good in me. When I was lost, you came to find me. When I had given up in despair, you convinced me tokeep trying, and together, we won. Without you, I would still be trapped in the witch’s palace. There is no queen I would rather have at my side than you.”
He drops to one knee. “Marry me. Please. I’m begging you to stay here and rule Montrace with me.”
I don’t know what to think. This moment is everything I wished for on the day of his Ascension ceremony.
