But I’m not that innocent girl anymore. I can fend for myself. I can protect him. I was stronger and smarter than I ever knew before I left this castle.
I’m also harder. I miss the soft girl who gave her heart away so easily. I wince at the memory of my own desperation to be loved.
If there is one thing I have learned in my travels, it’s that my heart is too wild to be contained behind safe walls. The sanctuary I needed when I was young now feels as much like a prison as the ice palace did.
I don’t need a castle. I need a home.
A lover, not a friend.
A partner, not a king.
Can he be those things?
There is no sign of the wicked, hardened man who gazed into the depths of my soul and gave me what I desired but could not speak.
“Kai. Get up. I’m not even a lady. No one would countenance this union. I’m flattered and deeply honored, but we both know a king marries for political alliances, not love.”
He chuckles and shakes his head. “The land my mother spoke of at dinner is a bribe, essentially, to get your grandfather to accept you as his legitimate granddaughter. Your mother was a lady, and if he agrees, you’ll be one, too. Thus making you eligible to be my bride. That is, if you want it.”
“I want you, Kai.” The words rush past my lips. “I want you without this.” I jingle the gold chain dangling from his shoulder, a mark of military rank. “I know it sounds strange, and wrong, but I want the version of you who burned for me, even when you despised me for making you feel that way. I want the man who dared to pursue me onto a balcony knowing everyone was watching, not caring in the slightest what they thought of us.
“I want your passion as much as your respect. I want your flaws along with all the goodness in your heart. What would kill me by inches is to stand at your side, share your bed—share yourlife—while knowing there’s a part of you hidden away from me. I want what The Snow Queen saw in you. Your coldness. Your darkness. Everything. If you cannot give me that, then I can’t stay here. I won’t settle for having only the parts of you that you feel are worth showing me.”
Silence falls over us like a blanket of deep snow. I don’t know if what I said makes sense to him or not. A rational part of me wonders why anyone would want those parts of himself. But one thing the Queen’s mirror shard did, was to let me see the whole truth of Kai’s heart—along with my own.
I need his flaws. I can’t hide my own, and I don’t want to even if I could. My outward scars are gone, but the inward ones will always be there. I need him to understand that I’ll always be Gwendolyn the scullery maid, no matter how many titles he bestows upon me.
I’m still his Gwen. Does he understand that?
Chapter 21
The tension stretchesuntil I think it might break me.
Kai doesn’t need to say it out loud for me to know that this is the end of our friendship.
I’m the one who breaks eye contact. With my heart in my throat, I turn away. I’ve survived far worse than rejection, but this feels like the worst loss of all.
I take two strides. Kai catches my wrist and whirls me back around to face him, pulling me close to his chest and holding me there. My pulse flutters like a frightened bird, but it’s not fear I feel. All my fragile dreams and impossible hopes hang in the air between us.
“I’ve missed you, wicked girl.”
A smile tugs at my lips. I swear there’s a flash of silver in that white speck in his iris. He locks one arm around my waist and captures my kiss with his own. He’s commanding the way he was when he hated me, and a needy whimper escapes me.
“Get on your knees, Gwen.”
Slowly, wide-eyed and wondering, I kneel on the flagstones. A quick check around the garden tells me we’re alone. I wouldn’t resist if we had the entire kingdom watching us, though. I thinkI know what he wants, but it’s still a shocking thrill when he unfastens his belt and trousers to extract his cock.
“Use your mouth, Gwen.”
I stroke his shaft, feeling the veins on the underside. He cups the back of my head. I dart my tongue out to touch the slit where a bead of silver glistens. Excitement builds in my core. He tastes of salt and his skin is so smooth. I rub my lower lip against the head just to feel its texture. When I part my lips, he thrusts forward, past my teeth, deep into the heated cavern of my mouth. I moan around him and his fingers flex against my hair.
“That’s good, troublemaker. You’re doing very well,” he grits out. The stones bite into my knees, yet the pain only heightens my frantic desire. I close my hand around his shaft and pump the part of him I can’t fit. He hits the back of my throat. I peer up at him to see his reaction. Yes. This is what I wanted from him, all these years.
“You catch on quickly. Very good, Gwen. Your filthy, tempting mouth feels so good.”
His praise makes me preen. All my life, I have been told I wasn’t good enough, pure enough, tough enough, or smart enough to deserve approval. He loves me being dirty with him, and Kai isn’t afraid to tell me how much he likes it. I needed to hear this from him.
With my free hand, I tug one breast out of my bodice and squeeze. I let the nipple peek between my fingers. His hips move faster.
