I wince. That was maybe not the best thing to have said.
“Perhaps.” She shrugs sadly. “Come. I’ll show you to a room where you may refresh yourself, and then if you wish to make yourself something to eat, you may help yourself to anything in my kitchen. I assume a scullery maid is capable of cooking herself a decent meal?”
It feels so good and so strange to wear a dress and don an apron again. Christabel’s maid trimmed my hacked-off hair, which has grown back since I took a knife to it, and braided it away from my face. With a wooden spoon in hand, I almost feel like my old self.
Except, after all the hardship I’ve experienced, I’ll never be my old self again. I’m someone new, now.
Will Kai be someone different, too?
“Those scars on your face look like The Snow Queen’s handiwork,” Christabel says quietly.
“They are.”
I braise the meat I’m cooking and close the oven before telling her the story of Kai’s Ascension and the attack. The princess listens attentively.
“What I’m most afraid of is that even if I do succeed in finding him and breaking her hold over him, neither of us will be the same. Is it possible to succeed and fail at the same time?”
I still think of his kisses every time I close my eyes. The raw hunger. The way his body moved on mine. The thickness of that ridge I dared to touch on the balcony, before she took him away from me. I know now that The Snow Queen was angry whenever I managed to reach the real him, and I believe she stole him to keep me from getting closer.
“He might owe you his life, but if you are reunited, you may discover your dreams for romantic love with him were made of air,” the princess says sympathetically.
He won’t want a scarred scullery maid. He only kissed me when I was wearing the queen of Montrace’s cosmetics.
“Would you marry him?” I could live with Christabel being Kai’s queen. She’s kind and beautiful and strong. I’ve only known her for a short time, but I’m sure she wouldn’t poison someone’s soup to force them to stay with her, for example. Granted, this is not a very high standard for friendship, but I am so glad to finally have made a friend, other than Kai.
She throws her head back and laughs. “Gwen, I cannot marry a prince who shall become king of his own country. I am needed here. It would never work.”
“Oh.” I deflate a little.
“But I appreciate that you want someone who will care for him. It speaks well of you that you are both willing to fight hard for him, and willing to let him go.”
I’m not sure I am. But I take the compliment and enjoy my time with my friend, for tomorrow, I will be on my way again at first light.
Chapter 13
Christabel greetsme the next morning holding a cloak draped over her forearms.
“You’ll want this.” She holds it out.
“I can’t take your cloak.”
“You’ll need it. It’s specially designed to repel snow bees,” she says.
“Then you need it more than I do.”
“I’ll have another one made. Take it. Please.”
Reluctantly, I accept the bundle. This is the second time kind strangers have given me warm clothing. I spare a silent prayer for the old farmer.
“I have more for you. Come.” She leads me to the shed where her carriage sits waiting, then outside. “This is Bae, my best reindeer.”
A magnificent creature with a rack as wide as Kai’s shoulders lifts its head. It strides over to us when she beckons. Christabel whispers to it, and I swear the animal’s gaze is filled with intelligence when it turns to me.
“He will take you through the Silverbirch Forest. Once you’re there, you’ll have to look for the entrance to the Ice Palace on your own. I cannot give you any further guidance. TheSilverbirches will know where to find it, but watch out for ogres and trolls.” Her lips curve in a faint smile. “And wolves, too.”
I duck my chin. Heat creeps over my cheeks.
“You are too kind, Princess.”
