The fact was, Elizabeth thought he favoured her now.
Hehad by no means been easy.
He’d kept looking at her. Perhaps it was his own confusion and awkwardness, but it was impossible for Elizabeth to not strongly suspect that it was because he admired her person and liked to look at her.
She did not like that. His admiration might make her wonder again. She would not do that once more. She was done. She had wholly and completely put aside any hopes of that sort, and she would not let his renewed presence lead to her tormenting herself again.
She was not a fool.
Mr. Collins departed from the drawing room soon after Mr. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam left the parsonage. He first said, “What a great compliment to us all! What a great compliment! Such kindness and condescension! Ladies, we must not presumetoo much upon Mr. Darcy’s kindness, but it was a great compliment to myself, and to Lady Catherine’s judgement in choosing me as her parson, was it not?”
After her husband happily absented himself, Jane said, “I know we owe this compliment toyou.”
“Mr. Darcy mentioned that Emily wished to take a walk. A devotee of walking, and not yet two years of age.Sheshall never fail to appreciate the sublime in nature.Sheshall know and commune with every sort of tree, grass, leaf and bush. Darcy is an exemplary parent,” Elizabeth said.
“Walking is a most healthful activity, and if a person is to develop their spiritual faculties fully, they should commune regularly with nature,” was Mary’s contribution to the subject.
Jane looked at Elizabeth pointedly.
This made Elizabeth flush.
“I suspect,” Elizabeth lowered her voice to a faux whisper and said, “that delight in your husband’s company was the chief additional inducement.”
Even Mary giggled atthat.
That evening, when all were going towards bed, Jane came to sit in Elizabeth’s room while she brushed out her long hair. An old habit, though usually Elizabeth sat in Jane’s room while Mr. Collins bustled about, making inane comments.
Jane did not like to climb the stairs in her present, blessed, state.
After several minutes of light conversation, Jane began with an awkward and serious tone, “Lizzy…” Her sister frowned as she worked the hair caught in the bristles out of the brush. After a pause she asked, “Is it possible… do you admire Mr. Darcy?”
“I am determined not to.” The reply came without any hesitation, and it rather surprised Elizabeth to hear her own confidence in this matter.
He had been as handsome as he ever had been. The simple fact was that her susceptibility towards him had never waned. She still had hidden in her trunks the fine silk handkerchief initialled with F.D. that she had borrowed from him.
Yes, she was determined not to let her susceptibility carry her away again.
This response did not satisfy Jane, who looked at her with a sorrowful expression as she wrung her hands before starting to brush out her hair again.
“He does not… Mr. Darcy is determined not to marry,” Elizabeth explained. “I shall not forget that he will not.”
Not again.
“Oh, Lizzy.” Jane hugged her. “You must find it so, so difficult, so painful to see him again. You need not dine with Lady Catherine. Not if you wish to avoid him. I’ll tell Mr. Collins—”
“No! — I was glad to see him. We are friends, and we will meet as common friends henceforth. No, I will not avoid him. I only shall avoid being on such terms of intimacy as before.”
Jane studied her. “Oh, poor Lizzy. You have developed an affection when you have no hope that it shall come to fruition. I beg you: Be cautious. You can return to London or Longbourn.”
“Stuff and nonsense!” Elizabeth exclaimed. “No! I will be with you.AndI can command myself. I will not be a fool.”
Elizabeth did not encounter Darcy the next day, though shedidmeet Nell taking Emily and her youngest son around on a walk. Both children were of course quite shy with Elizabeth, as they had not seen her for months, but quickly enough Nell’s cheerful greeting of Elizabeth, and her loud exclamation of “Don’t you remember Miss Bennet?” set the small beings at their ease.
The young boy shouted and jumped about, while Emily stared at Elizabeth and said in a clear voice, “Be-ne.”
“That’s right, Miss Bennet.”
“Miss Be-ne.”
