This time it wasn’t just her shoulders that went rigid but her entire body. ‘I don’t think it can. I really don’t think I’m right for you, for where you are in your life, with your career right now.’
‘What? No. No! Youareright for me. You’reperfectfor me.’ Although, it didn’t feel like things could be totally right between them if she didn’t want to talk to him. She was probably talking to her girlfriends instead. She was blatantly very close to them.
‘You aren’t sure, though, are you?’ She didn’t say it aggressively, or challengingly, just completely matter-of-factly.
‘Yes, I am,’ he said. She was kind of right, though, insofar as he wasn’t actually sure what they were even talking about now.
‘So I think that’s it,’ she said.
‘What? What’s it?’
‘I think I’m not right for you’ she said, like she was explaining something to a child. ‘I think we’re in this horrible vicious circle where we’re going to make each other more and more miserable and we can’t get out of it.’
‘What? No. Really, no. Iloveyou.’ Matt was suddenly extremely aware, and not in a good way, that he was completely naked. He began to pull his clothes on, fast.
‘I love you too and I want the best for you and I hope you’ll be very happy and I’m so sorry,’ she said as he zipped his jeans.
‘No. This is ridiculous. We should talk about this.’
‘I don’t think there’s anything else to say,’ Lily said. And then she walked out of the room.
Matt followed her into the hall.
‘I’m so sorry—’ her voice caught ‘—but I think you should leave.’
‘ButI love you.’
‘I love you too,’ she said. ‘I’m so sorry.’ And then she walked back into her bedroom and closed the door.
Matt knocked on the door but there was no answer. He lifted his hand to knock a second time and then put it down. He couldn’t keep hassling her, could he? If she wanted to split up, there wasn’t a lot he could do about it. It felt like he’d pushed her into it, somehow, in a way he didn’t understand. He shouldn’t keep banging on her door like an intruder if she wanted him to go.
‘Goodbye,’ he said, and picked up his bags from where he’d dumped them just next to the front door and left the flat.
And seconds later, he was walking down her road, alone, carrying his luggage.
How,how, had that happened?
One minute he’d been lying in bed, watching his gorgeous girlfriend, who he really adored, get dressed, after a morning of amazing sex, and thinking aboutproposingto her, and the next, things had morphed into abreak-up.
Really, how had that happened?
Nine
Lily
Now
Lily couldn’t help watching Matt stride across the garden. She’d always loved the way he held himself when he walked. He had the whole broad-shouldered, slim-waist-and-hips, manly thing going on, and when he walked it was like he didn’t want to waste any time. It wasn’t like he hurried; he was just an efficient mover. She’dalwaysenjoyed watching him move. Except right now, she wanted toyellat him. Which was something she never did.
But howdarehe?Shehadn’t told him stuff? Okay, that was true. And that was in fact why they’d split up. Because she justcouldn’tconfide in him when they’d had such limited time together. He’d tried to help her through the loss of her granny but the only way she’d known how to deal with it had been to pretend on the surface that it wasn’t happening while going silently bonkers inside, because she found it hard to accept sympathy from too many people.
She’d only told Tess, Aaliyah and Meg about her childhood after getting to know them very well. She’d never told anyone else. Shewouldhave told Matt, if they’d been in the same city on a regular basis, but the time had never seemed right.
And of course he might not have understood because his whole life, he himself, were so straightforward that he couldalwaystalk about his feelings.
Such as they were.
Because they couldn’t have been that deep, could they, since he’d married Gemma less than a year after he and Lily had split up.
