Cassie paused for a moment and then said, ‘Thank you for coming.’
‘My pleasure. Great to see you.’ And what the hell was that? He’d spoken as though they were strangers instead of two people who’d created a baby together. And who loved each other.
Watching the car drive away was pretty bloody depressing.
* * *
This was when a good book would come into its own. James was in the dining room of his hotel, eating dinner by himself, and it would be nice to have something to do instead of just staring into space thinking about what an idiot he was. Idiot was an understatement.
If he wasn’t going to say anything further to Cassie, he should have gone home this afternoon straight after lunch, but he’d booked the hotel for tonight and his flight for tomorrow evening, not knowing how long the scan would take.
So. He was an idiot. He watched a waiter carrying seven plates along his arm. The waiter plate-carrying thing was always impressive, but this man wasreallygood.
God. He was sitting here, staring at waiters carrying plates, on his own, while the woman he loved, who was pregnant with his baby, was nearby but also very far away, on the island.
How had this happened? He loved Cassie. She said she loved him too and she believed him. So they loved each other. She was clearly going to be a devoted mother. He was very keen to be involved in the baby’s life.
So why wasn’t he with her right now? Why had he not found the words? Why hadn’t he just wrapped his arms round her and said he wanted to be together, forever? They could sort out the practical considerations like where they would live.
It wasn’t that, obviously. It was all about Leonie. How he’d failed her.
But Cassie had told him that he hadn’t let Leonie down. That was what Ella had said too. When they’d said it, both of them, it had felt like it really made sense. It still felt like it made sense, now. And when he thought about it, Cassie was right that their baby was going to be a mix of them both and she might be quite unlike either of them. So the same could apply to him. He definitely wasn’t like his father. He took a sip of water and looked at his glass. And he certainly wasn’t like his mother either. At his age, she’dalwaysbeen drunk by this time of day.
Maybe he could be a good father and a good husband. He did know one thing. He really, desperately, did want this baby. He knew another thing. He really, desperately, did love Cassie.
Thirty-Two
Cassie
Cassie slapped houmous on her bread, picked it up, thought about taking a bite, decided she didn’t feel like it, put it down and pushed the plate away. She couldn’t be bothered to cook and she couldn’t be bothered anyway to have lunch at the moment. Maybe she’d have something spicy in a bit.
Everything was so boring. She couldn’t be bothered to doanything. She had edits to do on her second London book and normally she loved this stage of writing, and would happily spend hours on end at her desk, but she just couldn’t get into it today.
Sheshouldbe really happy today. Shewasreally happy. The baby was well. That was wonderful news. In fact, it was doing a little jig in her tummy at this moment and that wasso cool. In fact, just thinking about the baby was very calming, very lovely.
If she was honest, though, it was hard not to think about the baby’s father, and that was not calming or lovely. He was an idiot and she loved himso muchbut obviously, despite the fact that he’d kindly flown from London to America to attend a scan, presumably out of some misguided sense of duty, he still didn’t really want to be a father or part of a family with her and their daughter. Or he did now want to be a father but he didn’t want to be with Cassie. Both of which were great, fine, his prerogative. But also, sad for Cassie and the baby.
Okay. Enough. She wasn’t going to cry again. She’d done enough of that last night and this morning. She couldn’t concentrate on work now. She was going to get stuck into some admin later, but first she’d do something useful that would distract her from her thoughts. She needed to get the snow and leaves and twigs out of the gutter outside the kitchen.
It was hard to remember to take your belly into consideration when it was constantly growing. This was alotmore difficult than it had been last time she’d done it, in the autumn. All good though. She had the ladder wedged very well. She just needed to go up another step and then she’d be able to reach properly.
‘Cassie. For God’s sake.’
Cassie jerked at the unexpected sound of a man’s voice and the ladder wobbled. And then she saw James running towards her and her heart jumped and she and the ladderreallywobbled. Shit, she was going to fall. She was going to hurt the baby. Help, help, help. No, it was okay. She was fine. Totally fine. Her heart was going like the clappers. Thank goodness the gutter was stronger than it looked. And she was pretty sure she hadn’t dislocated her shoulder or anything, probably just a pulled muscle or something. Everything was alright.
Except, what was James doing here?
‘What are youdoing?’ He was at the bottom of the ladder now, looking up at her.
‘Clearing snow and leaves out of the gutter. What areyoudoing?’
‘Are youinsane?’
‘No. I’m very sane. I don’t want a leak in my kitchen.’
‘Are you stuck? Shall I come and get you?’
Cassie fantasised for a moment about James coming up to help her so that she wouldn’t have to haul herself out from the roof and back onto the ladder and down it, because, frankly, it felt like ahugeundertaking and her shoulderhurt. Then she shook her head. ‘I’m good, thanks. Just going to finish clearing it and then I’ll be back down. If you want to talk, why don’t you wait inside? The door’s open.’ Again, what was he doing here?
