Laura’s 80th
Amy’s 18th
The animals
House and garden
So much hassle
Expensive to rent somewhere nice
It was a lot easier to think without Jennifer shouting on the other end of the phone. Writing all your points down showed you what you needed to focus on. And that was the beauty of a list.
She stood up and opened a cupboard to grab a bar of raisin and almond chocolate.
Clearly, if she wanted to, she could sort the logistics of a move. She might get homesick and she didn’t fancy having difficult memories triggered by being back in the UK. But actually, she should probably just give herself a mental slap and do it. Four years was a long time not to have been back.
The book deal was very tempting. It would be a dream to add another six books to her MacDuff Twins series.
And being close to fertility clinics was also very tempting. It would be so much easier to be staying down the road for the duration than to be on the island and having to take numerous trips to Boston, some of them overnighters and at short notice. What if she neededto go to the clinic but there was no ferry? Plus, if she did it in London she wouldn’t have to tell anyone about it. If the whole experience reminded her of losing the baby four years ago and she started to fall apart, she’d have space to get herself back together.
God, now she was welling up. Pathetic. She put two squares of chocolate in her mouth and stood up again, to get a glass of water.
She’d just turned thirty-seven and she’d love to have children. Given the absence of attractive men beating down her door, it was looking like IVF with donated sperm was her best option. If she wasn’t spurred into beginning treatment this year, she’d no doubt faff around for the next few months, like she had last year, and then tell herself that it was silly to start it during a snowy winter.
She took the water and chocolate out into the garden to go and see the animals. The bloodroot blossom smelled amazing. And her fruit and veg were shaping up to be fantastic this year. But they’d be great next year too.
Fred, the youngest alpaca, nudged her shoulder with his face and tried to snaffle the chocolate from her hand.
‘Cheeky,’ she told him.
She was going to miss the animals.
Oh, okay, wow, so apparently she was going to do it. It felt a bit mind-boggling, but it did also feel like the right decision – the career opportunity combined with how much easier it would be to do IVF in London than here.
Jennifer’s shrill levels were going to be through the roof.
Cassie needed to start googling rentals. Good ones. The last time she’d been to London, she’d stayed in a very cheap hotel in Streatham, which had had an infestation – either large beetle or small cockroach, it had been hard to tell – round the radiator in the bathroom, a few stray short, curly hairs on the sheets, and some grim brown stains on the ceiling above the bed. In an ideal world, she’d rent a very nice and very clean flat in an appealing area of London, except that would presumably cost a fortune, and it would seem a waste not to end up with greater financial security after agreeing a lucrative deal, because writing wasn’t exactly a consistent source of income. Maybe she should let out the house here and use that money to help pay for somewhere swanky in London. And as a bonus, if she got a good tenant, that would take care of a lot of the worry about the house and garden.
Cassie gave Fred another hug, went back inside, opened up three tabs on her laptop and typed inLondon fertility clinics,Sperm donation UKandLondon leafy neighbourhoods.
And… it was the middle of the day so the Wi-Fi was down. She’d have to google later.
* * *
‘Cassie.’ Three fifty-nine on the dot.
‘Jennifer.’
‘Made your decision?’ So loud.
‘Yes, I actually have. I think I’m going to do it.’ It was as though Cassie had entered some kind of parallel reality. It still felt unbelievable that she was planning to move to London for the entire summer and hopefully start IVF. ‘I’m googling rentals as we speak.’ The Wi-Fi had sprung into action suddenly.
‘Fantastic.’ Woah. That sound. Cassie’sear. ‘How soon can you be here? Next week?’
‘Nextweek? Er, no? I have a lot to organise. I think I’m going to rent my house out, and I need to work out what area of London I want to be in and then find somewhere to live. Google tells me that the world’s moved on since I last got involved in renting property.’
‘You know what you should consider?’ Jennifer’s voice was down to just moderately hideous levels of shrillness. ‘SwapBnB.’
