‘SwapBnB?’
‘As it sounds.’
* * *
Cassie took a big, calming breath, and a big, calming slurp of her wine. She was nowhere near the end of a very long and very frustrating day.
Working out which things she ‘required’ in the swap she was looking for and which were ‘desirable’ had been difficult and boringly time-consuming, alotless enjoyable than choosing an actual holiday. Cassie was fairly sure that she wanted to set her books in Hampstead and around the heath there, so she should probably rent there. Although Sod’s Law she’d arrive in London, do a bit of sightseeing and discover that she wanted to set the stories around Wimbledon Common or Blackheath or who knew where – maybe somewhere she’d never heard of – and have a one hour-plus schlep every day to check places out. So maybe she should go for somewhere central. Also, she wanted to be at least reasonably close to the clinic or hospital she was going to go to for her treatment. Did she want to be in a modern block or a period mansion? Would she rather have access to a garden or be closer to the nearest Tube station? There were a lot of variables to consider.
Writing the one-sentence blurb for the SwapBnB ad had taken the three of them over an hour, which would have been ridiculous if it had been done by some semi-literate children, and was beyond ludicrous given that Cassie was a writer and Laura a retired headmistress, and Dina, another neighbour and very close friend, ran the most successful independent dolls-house business in the world from her attic.
‘Okay. Read it to me again.’ Cassie closed her eyes to help herself focus. The ad needed to screamThe perfect house swap for a luxurious London flat.
Dina cleared her throat. ‘Island house off coast of Maine with private beach, panoramic sea and headland views, three bedrooms, two bathrooms, state-of-the-art kitchen.’
‘Do wedefinitelythink it’s okay that I just included the animals in the photos and didn’t mention them specifically in the description? Do we think it definitely isn’t mis-selling if I’ve alluded to them visually?’
‘Again, yes.’ Dina’s glossy black retro-style glamour waves haircut remained firmly in place as she nodded her head emphatically. ‘I think it’s totally fine. I mean, it isn’t like the swapper’s going to have to look after them unless they want to. And people with land often have animals like deer or moose wandering around. So, if you pay someone else to feed them, they’ll just be similar to wild deer or moose at the end of your large garden. For example.’
‘True. And you’d think everyone would love alpacas and chickens. What about thestate-of-the-artthing, though? Is that pushing it?’
‘It’s a wonderful kitchen,’ Laura said. ‘My mom always wanted a kitchen like this.’ Maybe not the best indicator of modernity given that Laura was pushing eighty and had mentioned recently that it was the twenty-year anniversary of her mother’s passing at the age of eighty-five.
‘Well, thank you—’ Cassie smiled at Laura ‘—but I think it’s maybe justnicerather than state of the art. I can’t say “nice” in the description, though. This issohard. I could literally have written an entire chapter in the time it’s taken to draft this.’
‘I think just go with it.’ Dina reached for the wine bottle and topped up their glasses. ‘I mean, it says what we want. The photos and the location will be what really sell it.’
‘And are we happy with the photos?’ Cassie asked. Taking the photos for the website had been a nightmare, because, obviously, you wanted to make your house look as alluring as possible while not mis-selling it, but, also, she didn’t want anyone other than the eventual swappee to be able to work out exactly where her house was or find out anything about her.
Simon, her ex, was a classic case of wanting what he couldn’t have, and still tried to track her down occasionally via her cousins and friends, and she didn’t want to speak to him. And fans of her MacDuff books and TV series were also sometimes keen to track her down, and Cassie didn’t want to be famous.
‘We totally are,’ Dina said.
‘Yes, I think we’re done on photography for now, sweetie,’ Laura said.
Yep. None of them had come out of the photo shoot happy. It had been fun at first but it had gone on for alongtime. Laura had had to go home next door for a nap halfway through. Dina had had her nails shellacked during a trip to the mainland last week for her thirty-sixth birthday, and had broken four of them climbing up a tree for an ‘aerial view’ of the beach, and then one of the alpacas had pooed on her flip-flopped foot while she was herding it out of the way of a blueberry bush for a garden shot. And Cassie had got no work done all day and had ruined one of her favourite tops while crawling along the roof for another aerial shot. She should have got changed first.
‘Okay. I’m doing it.’ Cassie pressed Upload. She felt her heart rate pick up. Maybe she’d get hits immediately. Or not. ‘Maybe no-one will be interested,’ she said, while the computer did its thing, slowly.
‘They will.’ Laura patted her hand.
‘Of course they will,’ Dina said. ‘Look at the hordes of summer tourists we get. And the house and garden are beautiful. And the beach. To die for. I mean, ofcourseyou will. No-one can resist a private beach. The question is whether you’ll like any of their places enough to do the swap.’
They weren’t going to find out any time soon.
‘It’s frozen.’ Cassie waved the mouse around ineffectually. ‘Maybe I should try uploading in “Small”, “Medium” or “Large” instead of “Actual”.’
‘No, the photos are important. I think you need to have them in high def. I think you’re going to have to do the three a.m. thing.’ Dina cut more slices of blueberry pie and placed them on their plates. She was right. The one bad thing about living on the island was that if you needed to use a lot of broadband you had to make sure you did it when no-one else was competing for the gigas or megas or whatever. Cassie had forgotten to include that in her list yesterday.London pro: unlimited broadband and Wi-Fi. London con: no easy excuse for avoiding your emails or social media.‘You could maybe get away with two o’clock. It’s been a bit better recently.’
‘Maybe it’s a sign that I shouldn’t do it.’ Cassie closed her laptop. ‘Maybe the broadband gods are telling me just to stay at home. Tell me about your Saturday date instead. We’ve spent far too long talking about me moving. Let me get us some more wine.’
‘Later. For the date lowdown, not the wine.’ Dina eye-swivelled in Laura’s direction and then raised her eyebrows suggestively. Cassie laughed. Dina liked an explicit conversation, while Laura did not. ‘And no, the Wi-Fi is not telling you not to do it. Plus, haven’t you signed the contract with the publisher?’ Dina pulled the laptop over and re-opened it. ‘But we should take the opportunity to re-check the ad. Laura and I both have nearly as much invested in this as you. We all need good neighbours.’
‘I need to go home and check my online orders and sleep.’ Dina looked at her watch. Laura had left them to it about an hour ago, saying that she thought she’d left her TV on and needed to switch it off. ‘Wow. It’s later than I thought. Nearly twelve thirty. The Wi-Fi might be working already. Try again?’
Cassie opened her laptop and started clicking. Yep, the island’s normal-speed Wi-Fi had started early tonight. She had the photos uploaded within minutes.
‘You all done?’ Dina asked.
