‘Maybe.’
‘You know she came in the top ten in the over-seventies US poker championships last year and she’s pretty sure that she’ll be in the top three of the over-eighties championship this November? And then she’ll qualify automatically for the over-eighties world championship?’
‘I did not know that.’ Wow. His fellow islanders were clearly a lot more interesting than he’d originally given them credit for. And a lot more of a challenge. ‘How did she do all of that without practising online? Before you had working Wi-Fi?’
‘She switches her TV off when she’s playing online so that she can concentrate.’
‘Wow. Feels like the mystery of the broadband could have been solved a lot sooner.’
‘I know. Gutting.’
James laughed. He enjoyed these conversations with Cassie; it’d gone beyond just being about her land. He almost didn’t want to ask her again about that in case it caused a barrier between them. He’d leave it for the time being. Maybe until he left. And, if they did agree a deal, maybe he could come back for a visit.
Sixteen
Cassie
Cassie wanted a babysomuch. She stirred her de-caf latte again. She could murder a real coffee – insomnia had been just one of themanyside-effects of the fertility drugs – but when you might be growing a baby inside you, you had to try to do everything right.
She looked out of the café window. Across the road, there was a little girl helping her mother brush the steps up to their house. The girl was maybe four or five and she was dressed in leggings and a T-shirt, a superhero cape and what were presumably her mother’s high-heeled, leopard skin boots. The look of concentration on her little face wassocute. Even cuter was the way she smiled up at her mother when she finished each ineffectual push of her broom. And her mother smiled back at her like they were the only two people in the world. There weren’t really enough words to describe how much Cassie wanted that.
Nearly time to go and take the test. Apparently some clinics advised you to have a blood test with them to find out. Cassie’s was happy for you to do a home test, which was better because she’d rather be home, on her own, when she found out.
She wanted to know the resultso much.
But, also, she couldn’t bear to do it.
No, she was going. It was time.
Negative. Not even a hint of a super faint line that she could hold in a super-bright light and kid herself might be the shadow of a positive test. Completely, unambiguously, negative. She’d weed for the right length of time. She’d waited for the right length of time. She’d done everything right. She heard a horrible wailing sound and then realised that she was the person who’d made that sound.
She was sostupid. Imagining for the past twelve days that she’d been pregnant and for months before that that she was going togetsuccessfully pregnant. Doing everything right for the non-existent baby.Sostupid.
And so bereft.
Thiswasn’tas bad as the miscarriage. This time she’d never seen a healthy baby on a scan before something went wrong. The whole thing from her first consultation had only been just over three months. She just needed to have an enormous cry and then get over it.
Except, God, it reallyhurt.
How did people cope with doing this several times? So unbelievably difficult. Andhowdid they cope when they knew it was their last-ever attempt?
She sniffed, hard. She needed something to distract her, something else to think about other than her failed IVF and work.
She should take a wee trip home to go to Laura’s eightieth next weekend.
* * *
Cassie looked out of the windows at the front of the ferry. The island was getting closer. She’d be setting foot on it in under twenty minutes. She’d been away for four months. Strange to be home when someone else was living in her house.
She was glad, though, that she’d come back now. How could she have missed Laura’s big party? Laura had been the most wonderful friend to her over the past four years. They’d met the day that Cassie viewed the property and she’d been ecstatic that Laura was so friendly, because she’d fallen in love with the island and the house but living in such a relatively isolated place you did need to get on with your neighbours.
This weekend she was just going to have fun with her friends and put the baby thing out of her mind. She’d decide next week whether she was going to go for another round of IVF while she was in London.
‘Honey, I missed you.’ Dina had been waiting at the dock for Cassie, jumping up and down as the ferry berthed. ‘I’m not going to lie, getting to know James has been great,’ she said as they humped Cassie’s suitcase into the boot of Dina’s car, ‘but Ireallymiss you when you’re away. Donotstay in London. You have to come back at the end of the swap.’ They got into the front seats of the jeep. ‘I’d like to think I can persuade James to stay, with me. I think tonight’s gonna be the night.’
‘Dina.’ Cassie adored her friend. She already felt better for seeing her. And she suddenly couldn’t believe she hadn’t told her about the IVF. Maybe she’d tell her tomorrow before she went home on Monday. ‘Of course I’m coming back after the swap. And you havesucha dirty cackle.’
‘Believe me, honey, if you knew what was inside my head,thenyou’d see and hear dirty.’
