The ache in my heart that time failed to ease throbbed.
The loss of my brother, the one who made me laugh until I peed, advocated for me with our parents, dragged me on crazy adventures, and protected me from the Brady Bunch in high school, was a reality with no escape no matter how I looked at it.
And his loss created a domino effect whereby I lost connection to everybody.
Until Paul.
I closed my phone.
Tonight, I didn’t want to feel.
Tonight, I didn’t want to cry.
Tonight, I didn’t want to grieve for all that was lost or for all I never had.
And I had no intention of doing it tomorrow night either.
4
The Eighth Chair
MomdeclaredThursdaytobe family dinner night shortly after Noelle and Hawkley tied the knot.Family included Mom, Dad, me, Hawk, Noelle, Noelle’s dad, Pat, and her brother, Max.This was family.
The last person I expected to see there was Daire.
Not once, in all these weeks, had Daire been here.Why was he here now?
He definitely wasn’t the one who was supposed to fill the eighth chair at the table, the one I mentally reserved for Hunter.
My heart dropped to my stomach, the sudden emptiness in my chest filled with familiar aching sorrow.I hated the idea of Hunter’s chair being filled by another.Especially not Daire.He elicited too many feelings inside me already.I didn’t need or want him in my family home.
As if he belonged there.
As if he could have belonged there with me.
I gave my head a shake.He was not the one for me, if indeed there even was one.He was simply a stupid teenage crush who grew into a truly beautiful man, and I needed to get over myself.
Fast.
Frowning, I turned away from the table only to be met by Daire’s steady gaze.
It was compassionate.As if he knew my thoughts.Anger that he might occupy Hunter’s chair, grief at the reminder of my loss, shame that I might treat Daire so unfairly, and embarrassment at being caught out stained my cheeks.I turned away from him and escaped into the kitchen.
Bracing my hands on the counter, I leaned against the sink and sucked in a breath.
“Just breathe, stupid,” I muttered.
The kitchen door opened, and I straightened, opened the tap, and began washing my hands.“How can I help, Mom?”
“I think she’s got it all under control.”
I spun around at the sound of Daire’s deep voice.
“Daire,” I breathed, the skipped beat of my heart lending fear to the mix.My brows lowered.“What are you doing here?”
My lips parted.My eyes widened.That sounded so much worse out loud than it did in my head.
He tilted his head to the side.“You seem to ask me that a lot.Do you mean here in the kitchen?Or here for dinner?”
