As I watch, he drops his hand to his side as he says, “No matter how I feel about the other people living here, I will always show up when you need me.”
As the shadow begins to coalesce in the room, I say quietly, “Thank you, Malam.”
Then he is gone. For a moment, I stay where I’m sitting, again trying to unpick the knot of emotions in my chest. Before I can get far, I’m filled with annoyance at myself. I have a plan, and it’s only cowardice that is keeping me from following it. With that thought, I rise and go to find Dio.
EXCERPTS FROM MALAM
Iam digging in the dirt back at the demon stronghold and trying to numb my emotions. I have decided to try to recreate a specific type of vine, and having something else to concentrate on is helping the ever-present tension in my shoulders to finally unwind.
I was supposed to be leading the conclave, but the other elders took one look at me when I arrived after my conversation with Chaosta and told me they could handle it without me.
I don’t know what I was expecting when I went to speak to her, but it was not that. My intent was to share the information I had gathered. I was so focused on what I planned to say to her that I was distracted and didn’t ensure her privacy as I should have. It was a mistake on my part not to have my eyes closed. Even I can admit that. I have been so careful to respect her privacy, and then I had to go and mess up in such a spectacular fashion.
When I saw the scars covering nearly her entire torso, I was overwhelmed by rage. However, as she casually sat there, ignoring me and removing her own stitches, a realization came to me. She’s different. She seems to be even stronger somehow.
Whatever happened to her in the angel stronghold rasped away the casual, childlike innocence she possessed and left a much more predatory strength in its wake. Whether that is good or bad will remain to be seen, but some of the protectiveness I have felt for her has faded. In its place, a quiet respect is growing.
I must say, what they did to her felt especially evil set against the backdrop of bright wings rising from her shoulders. It makes me wonder who they made torture her and why they were willing to ignore their tenets like that. Even if it is technically a grey area, since she isn’t an angel. They must consider her a significant threat to themselves and their wards in order to have been willing to hurt her like that. The angels protect the human race with a single-mindedness that would be admirable if humans were worth it.
I still have my doubts that she’ll be strong enough to accomplish what I created her for. When I dwell, I try to remind myself that she has already killed an angel. I wish I could have seen it with my own eyes, then maybe I’d be able to believe it.
Either way, at this point, I am confident that the best thing I can do is stay out of her way.
DIO’S JOURNAL - ENTRY 342
Annum:5615
Entry 342 - esuritio
Gods, it feels like the ground is going to crumble from beneath me. I don’t know if I’ve ever been more surprised or more disappointed in myself.
Chaosta tracked me down several moments ago and said she wanted to talk. I couldn’t even speak. I was so shocked, I think I must have just kind of stared at her. Fuck, I hope she didn’t think I was glaring at her. Maybe that’s why she seemed so irritated.
She said she wanted a fresh start. She said we’d both said things and done things that were inexcusable. At that moment, I was annoyed with her for telling me I’d done something wrong. Now I just wish I’d taken the peace offering she was trying to extend to me. Instead, I fucking stood there with my hands in my fucking pockets trying to control my emotions. I just didn’t want to cause her pain.
I’ve been having so much trouble not staring at her recently, and this was no exception. Her nose is mostly healed, and the bruising around her eyes has almost completely faded. She looked good. Fuck, she looked like water in the desert.
I was trying to remind myself that I can’t have this. She’s not for me. I’ll destroy her. I’ll darken her innocence with the shadows in my black heart. It took everything in me to respond to her simply that I was willing to try a fresh start. Then she nodded at me and stomped out of the room.
I don’t know what that means. I don’t know what to do.
PART V
VIOLENCE IN THE STREETS
Dim light filters through the windows in the flower room where I am currently sitting. I’m surrounded by books as I continue to research weather magic for the boys. I have been distracted and struggling to focus on reading, though. A few days have passed, and I am still unsure what to think about the interaction I had with Dio. He agreed to a fresh start, but he was still glaring at me, and his expression certainly wasn’t friendly.
Gods, I’m bad at this.
Since then, things between us have still been awkward but not openly hostile. I guess that is some improvement, at least.
Suddenly, I feel a familiar tightness in my chest that I haven’t felt in a while. The map flashes suddenly and violently in my mind, and without pausing, I stride to my bedroom.
Reaching under the bed without the need to look, I grasp the hilt of my sword. As I stand without slowing, I give it a quick twist, which removes the sheath. It falls to the floor as I stride back out through my bedroom and towards the front door.
With instincts screaming at me, I control my breathing, walking quickly but not running. I stride through the door withbare feet, ignoring shoes. My instincts pull me to the left towards the alley along our building, and I follow that pull, moving forward into the increasing darkness.
What I see both surprises me and doesn’t, as the path on the map has somehow already acknowledged this. In the shadows, against our building, two angels are attempting to subdue someone. As I get closer, I realize it is Dio.
