“Have you fucked him?”
I kissed the side of his face. “No.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
“What about… Cupid?”
I swallowed heavily, and my silence answered the question for him.
“When?”
“Once. A long time ago.”
“Which other Strays have you slept with?”
“Can we not do this?”
“So there’s more, then.” Jonah tried to pull away from me again. I tightened my hold on him in a panic.
“Just Archer. But it’s over. It was never anything serious. None of them were.”
“But they still saw you like I have.”
“No. They haven’t. No one has ever seen me like you’ve seen me,” I told him, my hold on him turning bruising. “No one. Only you. The rest of it was just sex, just fucking without feeling. I didn’t care about them, and they didn’t care about me, not really. Only you’ve seen me. Really, trulyseenme. All of me. Only you.”
He stopped trying to pull out of my hold as he contemplated that. I expected him to drag it out further, to ask me for more of the details. Instead he said, “I feel like I can’t see you anymore.” And my chest ached. “This morning… it felt like you were hiding from me. Like… wearing a mask. I hate it.”
I inhaled deeply. “I’m sorry.” I’d apologize for everything, as much as he needed to hear it, because I truly was sorry for any action that had hurt him. None of them had been intentional. In fact, everything I’d done, I’d done intending to protect him. But I wasn’t doing a good enough job of it, and still I’d hurt him, and I’d never stop being sorry for that. “I wasn’t trying to hide from you. I just wanted to protect you.”
“From what?”
“From me. From the bad things connected to me. I only want to be good for you.”
“Don’t you get it yet?” Jonah shifted, and I held him still as he grunted and smacked at my arms until I loosened my hold enough for him to turn around, and his eyes met mine. He took my face in his hands. The spark was back in his eyes, his brow furrowed with determination. “I want all of you. Every single piece of you, as you are. I don’t want you because you’re good or because you protect me. I want you because I fucking loveyou, you dumbass.”
“Baby—”
“I’m not finished. I know I’m a lot of work, Dex. I know I’m needy and demanding. Fuck, I know I’m entirely fucking ridiculous—”
“I told you you’re not—”
“But you still accept me as I am. Why won’t you give me the chance to do the same? I know I’m a fucking mess. I really do know. But that doesn’t mean you have to hold it together for the both of us.”
“I just—”
“So yeah, I’m pissed that you left me alone, but what I’m most pissed about is that you feel you can’t lean on me and trust me to hold you as well when things get tough. I’m not just some kid for you to babysit. We’re in this together, you and me. Aren’t we?”
His eyes searched mine, open and vulnerable. I didn’t deserve him. I never would. But he was mine, and I was keeping him. I’d just have to try every day to be worthy of him. “Yeah. We’re in this together.”
“No more hiding,” he told me.
“No more hiding,” I agreed. And added, “No more running.”
“No more running.” He nodded in approval, sealing the agreement with a kiss.
“I love you,” I said as our lips parted again.
