‘I regard that as a great honour,’ she replied in a reserved manner.
We were both silent for a while, during which time I could not think of anything to say. Mom Ratchawong Kirati spoke first. ‘Nopporn, what are your ideals for marriage?’
‘I’m at a bit of a loss for an answer. I’m not very good at answering that kind of question.’
‘You used to ask me all kinds of detailed questions, and I never tried to get out of them, so now, when it’s my turn, you mustn’t either.’
‘I wasn’t thinking of getting out of it. But I’m afraid I have no ideals about marriage to speak of.’
‘Are all men like you, Nopporn?’
‘Not all men, but maybe most.’ I said what I thought. ‘Men probably have ideals about their work more than anything else. Like me, for example.’
‘Do you love your fiancée?’
‘We haven’t known each other long. We both like each other well enough, and I hope we’ll be able to love each other when we’re married.’
‘Isn’t love necessary for young people, then, before they decide to commit themselves to marriage?’ she asked, full of surprise. ‘All I’ve ever heard is “love, but don’t marry”, but here you are, Nopporn, getting married and falling in love afterwards.’
‘If we loved each other before getting married, it would be better. But I think that love is too complicated and full of pain and suffering.’
‘What’s made you see love in that light?’
‘Because once I loved someone.’
‘Please tell me all about it.’ Mom Ratchawong Kirati’s eyes began to sparkle.
‘You already know all the details. It happened when you came to Japan and carried on until you left me. At first, love brought me happiness, but it ended in terrible pain and suffering. Later I came to think that I’d allowed myself to be carried away by my feelings in a very inappropriate way. I should’ve loved and respected you as an older sister. I realized that I’d behaved very wrongly. Ever since, I’ve tried to completely forget the events of that time. I learned just how much pain and suffering such passionate love causes. I believe I’ll never love like that again.’
Mom Ratchawong Kirati gazed ahead, with a far-off look in her eyes. She said nothing.
‘I didn’t think I’d ever talk about this with you again,’ I said. ‘It makes me feel ashamed and despise myself.’
‘People have different ideas about love, but I agree with you that love torments us, sometimes more than we can stand. You did the right thing, like most people who manage to escape torment and forget the past. But some fools may be incapable of doing as you did. Let me congratulate you once again.’ She paused for a while, and her eyes avoided mine. When she turned back to me, she asked, ‘Have you fixed a date?’
‘My father said in about three months’ time.’
‘Let me offer my best wishes in advance. I believe in love, so I shall wish that the two of you will love each other, whether before or after you marry, and that you will quickly come to love each other deeply.’ She picked up the teacup in front of her and raised it rather energetically, smiling brightly as she added, ‘I drink to you, my dear friend, and to the love and happiness of the pair of you.’ She took a sip from the cup and then put it down. ‘I’ll be the first to give any help at your wedding,’ she added.
After we had been talking for some time, I noticed that she was not very well, but seemed to be trying to hide it so as to appear perfectly cheerful and happy in front of me. I did not let on that I had noticed, but simply hastened to take leave of her,on the grounds that I had business to attend to. Even so, I had been talking to her for almost two hours. I was sorry that I had brought such important news at a time when she was not very well. Under normal circumstances, Mom Ratchawong Kirati would have shown much greater excitement and pleasure and certainly would not have allowed me to leave so quickly. Those were my thoughts at the time.
19
I never, for one moment, dreamed that that visit to Mom Ratchawong Kirati would be the beginning of the final act of her life. How terrible it was that the curtain should fall so soon.
The marriage between myself and Pree, my fiancée, took place on the appointed day. I shall not go into detail about how delighted my wife and I were with the scale and splendour of our wedding. What did leave me feeling disappointed was that Mom Ratchawong Kirati did not attend. She sent someone round with a letter that afternoon, saying she was ill and unable to be present. She sent her best wishes and said she would come and visit me when she was feeling better.
I had already planned to take my wife on holiday to Hua Hin for a fortnight. Before going, I took her to visit Mom Ratchawong Kirati at her home. This was three days after the wedding. Mom Ratchawong Kirati told us she was feeling a little better and was planning to pay us a visit in the near future. I could clearly see that she looked paler than before. When I asked about her condition, she said she felt weak, but that on our wedding day she had had a fever, too. She looked drowsy and did not say very much. She asked us to tell her about our wedding day, and listened in silence, except for the occasional question, and to ask Pree how she had felt on the day. We spent about an hour with her and then left, fearing she might not have enjoyed our visit, as she had not yet fully recovered.
‘She’s a sweet lady, and still beautiful,’ Pree remarked, once we were outside. ‘But there’s something mysterious about her.’
Two months passed. One evening in December a startling incident occurred and a mystery was revealed. That evening I returned home from work and, before I had time to change my clothes, the maid came and told me there was a lady waiting to see me urgently. I hurried down to meet her in the living-room. It was Mom Ratchawong Kirati’s aunt, who was waiting with an anxious look on her face.
‘You wanted to see me urgently,’ I began.
‘Khunying is seriously ill,’ she said.
‘Last time I saw her, she was getting better, wasn’t she?’ I asked with a mixture of surprise and alarm. ‘What else is the matter with her?’
