“Yeah?Your mum seemed to recognise my name, that’s all.”
“Oh—”Shit.Si smiled awkwardly as the memories came flooding back.“Yeah, that’s right.Must’ve mentioned you a few times.”
Sobbed my bloody heart out over you, more like.Told her I’d finally met someone I wanted to be with and he’d turned out to be a wrong’un.And he didn’t even feel the same about me, neither.
Si’s heart clenched.“Just gonna put the kettle on.”He went into the kitchen, where he’d left his phone on charge.On silent, too, as it turned out.Two missed calls from Mum.He ought to ring her back, but what was he gonna say?Yeah, he’s here now.No, I don’t know why, after all this time.
Yes, I think I still care about him.
Six years ago
They’d met not long after Si had gone down to London to work for Adam’s dad.It’d been wicked, being with Adam again.They’d kept in touch, course they had, but it wasn’t the same being best mates from a distance.
Funny, though.Adam’s phone calls had been all about the clubs in London, but after Si moved there, they seemed to spend every Saturday night down the local pub.Which was a laugh, but Si had been expecting something more.Something different.Something that’d help him work out who he really was.Who he wanted to be with.
So the next time it seemed like they were headed for the same old, same old, Si cleared his throat.“Listen, I was thinking...maybe not go to the pub tonight?”
There was a beat, then Adam said, “Sure.We can stay home, watch a bit of telly.If that’s what you want.”
“No—I wanna go out.But maybe somewhere different, like?A club?One of them ones you told me about before I came down here.”
“Yeah?You sure about that?”Adam was frowning.
Si bristled.“Why not?You worried I’ll show you up or something?”
Adam laughed.“What?No, course not.I didn’t reckon you’d wanna come, that’s all.”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Cos, well, it’s gay clubs I go to, yeah?Didn’t think you’d fancy blokes hitting on you all night.”
“That what happens when you go out, is it?”He supposed it probably did.Good-looking, Adam was.Sorta foxy, if that was a thing?For blokes, like.All angles, accentuated by the shadows.
Si maybe fancied him a bit.
But only a bit, mind.Adam was Si’s best mate, and he wasn’t gonna screw that up.’Sides, it’d be weird.Like snogging your brother.And with them both living at Adam’s dad’s house, and Si working in Adam’s dad’s business...Nope.Not gonna touch that one.Not with a flippin’ bargepole, whatever one of they things was.Barges, now, he’d seen plenty of them, down on the river.Poles, though—
“Oi, where you gone, mate?”Adam was waving a hand in front of Si’s face.“Anyhow, I didn’t think there’d be much in it for you.”
Si frowned.“What if I want to meet a bloke?”
Adam stopped dead, and his eyes widened.“Do you?I always thought you were straight.Didn’t you have that thing with Lucy Mansfield in fifth year?”
“She ’ad a thing with me, maybe.”It’d been weird.One day she’d just started hanging around.It’d been sorta nice, flattering, like, ’cept she’d wanted to snog all the time, and once when they were in the cinema, she’d tried to put her hand down his jeans.“And who says I can’t like both?”
“Do you?”
Si shrugged.“Maybe?Bit hard to tell when I never meet no one, ain’t it?”
“You’ve met loads of blokes since you moved down here.What about all the lads who work for Dad?”
“All straight, ain’t they?”
“Allof them?Doubt it.”
“Can’t you tell?What about that gaydar?”
“Well, of course they allactstraight when they’re at work ...Huh.See what you mean.S’pose even if there was one who was into you, and you were into him, you’d get the shit ripped out of you if the others found out.”
