“I didn’t mean I wasn’t going. I’m actually excited about it. But… I can’t go.”
“Why not?”
I couldn’t answer her. My crew and I had made a vow to the Goddess not to share the hiding place, or even the existence, of the women and children who were hiding in the heart of the city. But Haven had picked up some hints over the past years, and I had to tell her something.
“Have you ever had a secret you wish you could share?”
Her eyebrows flew high, and I felt my cheeks heat. What a dumb question. Haven was one of three Omegas known to exist. She had to bake cinnamon rolls daily to disguise her scent, and she and my dads had to retreat to the countryside once a year for an “adults only” getaway during her fertility cycles.
“Yeah, sorry. I mean, other than the obvious.”
Her gaze grew more penetrating. “Is your secret… the same as mine? Have you begun to?—”
I shook my head, hard. “No. Absolutely not talking about that, and no, I’m not an… I’m just not, all right?” Her eyes narrowed, but I went on. “I’ve had this secret for a long time. And I just need a little more time to… do something I’ve been wanting to do, needing to, before I leave.” There. That was vague enough. I’d been wanting to find a better place for the women and children for a while. Now that I had the money from selling my knife, I had everything I needed. Except time.
I had to make sure the place I’d scouted was still available and in good condition. I also wanted at least two trustworthy women living nearby, ready to help if needed, and willing to keep the secret of who had purchased the building and who resided inside. If I had to threaten with blackmail to make it happen, so be it. But it was easier if I could place them in a neighborhood that had sympathetic souls.
Haven cleared her throat, and I realized I’d taken out a knife and been flipping it end over end while I thought. “Where’s your good knife, sweetheart?”
“Had to sell it,” I said absently. My mind was still on the logistics of moving some of the assholes out of the area near the old glassmaking studios at the north end of town—especially the mean Alpha who lived just next door—and I didn’t realize what I’d said until I heard her gasp.
“What? Why? You love that knife. Where did you sell it?”
I told her the name of the jeweler, but shook my head when she insisted I go back to get it. “I needed the money.”
“What for?”
I had to tell her something. “You know how you had your dream of opening the school?” I asked. She nodded. “Well, this is mine. And it’s not just one school-sized dream. I want to make this happen all over, in every city. At least while the world is the way it is.”
I went quiet as I thought of the feral Alphas I’d had to kill. Of King Rigol himself, who’d almost succumbed to the Alpha madness before Queen Vali saved him, and even my own dad, Papa Niko. So many Alphas who wanted to be good were teetering on the brink of insanity. But it was the women and children who ended up paying the price for their condition.
“The world is fucked, Haven. I’m just doing my part to unfuck as much of it as I can.”
I heard a sound right then, a scrape of a shoe on gravel, outside the tall wooden fence. When I jumped up to see, no one was there. The only thing on the street was a basket by the gate, filled with fresh laundry from the lady who did Haven’s ironing in exchange for lessons for her son.
I left it there for now, and went back to my mother. The darkness of the evening was almost complete this close to the Solstice, even though it was early, and her hair shone gold in the chilly darkness.
“I’m so proud of you, Ratter,” Haven choked out, and I patted her shoulder, hoping the tears stopped before I either joined in or started getting itchy. “I don’t need to know the details of whatever you’re planning, but I know you’re doing what’s right.”
I shrugged. “I’m not going to pretend I’ve got honor like my dads, or a heart like yours. But I know how to solve the problem I’m working with. So what if I had to make a sacrifice? It was only a knife. This is more.”
SERAK
Only a knife.She thought the dagger she’d carried was only a knife.
I stared through the darkness, my heart pounding, the wound in my shoulder where Ratter had stabbed me earlier that day aching slightly. It wasn’t really a deep cut, merely annoying. I knew I’d earned it, asking for a kiss. If she hadn’t stabbed me, I might have been forced to do it myself for being such a numbskull.
I waited for the kitchen door to shut behind Ratter and her mother, then flexed my toes and fingers, pins and needles flaring. Frostbite? I didn’t think so, though I’d been crouched on the rooftop of the building across from Ratter’s home ever since her own sister had gone to the castle to watch the king’s children. The cold had seeped into my bones.
I was still confused and amazed at the level of care Haven’s ten adopted children took to guard the royal brats. There was always one of them at the castle, spying from somewhere. I’d asked one of the palace guards if they were doing this officially, why former street urchins were protecting the royal family, and he’d stiffened. “They’re all royalty now, sir, and don’t forget it. The king elevated them to lords and ladies, even made one of ‘ema princess, and not because he was making fun. They’ve saved the lives of our queen and her babies more times than anyone’d believe. And they do it for nothin’ but love.”
Between them and Vilkurn, it had made it a fair challenge of my own abilities to take care of the four males I’d killed in the past month. Unfortunately, I’d had to make their deaths quick to avoid getting caught. After what they’d dared in public, and what I’d overheard them planning to do in private—not only to Ratter but to her sisters—they’d deserved an even more ignominious death than I’d given them.
It would be my own long, painful death, though, if I didn’t go to the jeweler Ratter had mentioned, right now, and retrieve the dagger. I’d sneak out of the city as soon as I had it, and be on my way home before Solstice Eve. If I was lucky, my masters would be pleased with its return. And would believe me when I told them Ratter was not the one we sought.
Only, when I was a block away from the jeweler’s, I heard a familiar voice cry out. A child. “Let go of me, you cretin!”
It was the crown prince. I unsheathed my own knives and ran.
